Struggling with newborn DS2

[notsurewheretolook]

My DS2 is just over two weeks old and I'm really struggling with everything. My DS1 is 3 and I'm feeling isolated from him and resentful of the DS2 as I'm with him 24/7. I'm bf him at the moment other than one bottle of ff that DP gives him around midnight to give me a break.

I keep thinking that I've made a huge mistake having him. Both me and DP pondered long and hard about having another DC as DS1 was such hard work.... and now I sort of wish I hadn't. I feel dreadful about feeling like this. I'm not enjoying the bf as I thought I would either, it's making me feel even more hemmed in.

I was made redundant just before my mat leave started and now am feeling totally lost as I loved my job.

DP is going back to work tomorrow and although I have some help, I feel like I'm not coping and am on the verge of getting very depressed. Please tell me I'm not on my own.

[WhatFreshHellIsThis]

You're not on your own! Having a second one is very hard work and your DP going back to work is bound to make you feel worried. And we tend to forget how hard those first few weeks are, so it's not surprising you feel overwhelmed.

Try not to worry about your DS1, you will get your closeness back with him but you need to give it some time. Two weeks in is very early days, but it sounds like you could do with some support - is there anyone who could come and be with you to help when your DP is at work, or some friends you could visit?

Sending you lots of hugs {}{}{}{}{}{}

[StercusAccidit]

Hi
No, you're not on your own, i felt awful when my DP was due to go back to work, i worried i would feel overwhelmed..and i only had DS2 as my other kids are 11 and 14 lol

Being a new mum can be very isolating, not least because you feel tied to the baby, tied to the house, BF is difficult at the best of times but mix that with the thought of BF while out, and if you haven't got a lot of nerve, it seems best just to stay in the house all day.

DS2 is now 8 weeks old and that feeling never really goes away but in fact is natures way of making sure you 'concentrate' on nothing else but baby..it wears off a little eventually.. Do you have people in RL who will support you, or who you can go visit so you have an excuse to get out?
I for instance made sure there was very little food in the house so i HAD to go out shopping.. something from when i had my DD and didn't leave the house for 2 months one time, she was only a few weeks old, i believe that was partly not knowing anyone, not having friends to visit, being a lone parent, and a little bit of PND in the mix.

I only left the house when i needed to get nappies and formula, get her weighed, and have her first set of injections, i had stocked up on enough things so i didn't have to leave the house, no WAY i was making that mistake again.

You can post and make friends on here, but IMO there is no substitute for getting out in the fresh air and having a walk.. it would help tire your DS1 out too

Try this Link

See if its any good for you, can't hurt to have a look

[LadyBee]

Oh dear NSWTL, I do remember looking at DP about 10 days in and saying tearfully to him 'I'm so sorry, I think I made a dreadful mistake, why did we want to do this?'
Later on, I did develop PND and was lucky enough to get a great counsellor and was able to talk through a lot of the feelings of being trapped, resentful, overwhelmed and fearful.
You are in an extremely difficult situation - not just with the newborn, that's a given - but just now there's not even the prospect of eventually going back to work, just a great big 'trapped' feeling.
If you feel that you're not coping and suspect you are slipping into PND, go the GP or tell your HV.
What is it about the breastfeeding that makes you feel hemmed in? Can you take your DS1 with you out to a breastfeeding support group for some company and encouragement?
Think back...the early weeks are incredibly difficult but it doesn't stay like this forever.

[mppaw]

Completely with you notsurewheretolook.
DS is 10 weeks old and have some really horrid days where I regret having him as I feel DD is suffering. But 1 thing the health visitor said to me is DD will not remember this time as she is too young (3yr), this made me feel a bit better.
I try and take 1 day at time and before I know it, another week is up. Is a shame as I am wishing his little life away aswell as my own !!
I also have a touch of PND, so I try not to have any great expectations of myself, which helps as it takes the pressure off.
Hope this helps, and remember, things can only get easier.

[wobbegong]

You are not on your own. Show me a woman with a two week old baby who is not "struggling with everything". Your hormones are going bonkers, you're totally knackered, you can't have a minute on your own... and then DP buggers off back to work. Great.

Can you enlist support from people in RL? Tell them how you feel and get them to help with practicalities. I would be so happy to be asked to help someone in your position. Just take one day at a time- one hour at a time if necessary.

I am sorry about the redundancy and this is going to sound silly but can you worry about that in a few months time?! There are much more immediate concerns so you have to give yourself a break on some things, and "cross that bridge when you come to it" ie. when you might realistically think about going back to work, not when your LO is only 2 weeks old. You know that I am sure.

Good luck and keep posting.

[pamelat]

We only have one child for now and I find that tough. You are doing really well to have got to where you are now.

Can DS1 go to nursery for his 15 hours a week?

We spent the first 8 weeks with DD crying and saying things like "I can understand why people leave babies outside the hospital". Whilst I was not going to do this, the temptation was there .

I think that new mums, second time mums, whatever would feel better if there was a wider general social acceptance that it is awful to start with, this would have helped us. I spent a lot of time worrying because I was not always over the moon about having a baby.

Good luck with it all, especially tomorrow.

I am sure that long term it will get a lot easier.

[StercusAccidit]

Not sure this is the right place for a whinge about parental leave but i'll do it anyway..
page shows how crap our system is compared to, say, sweden and norway.

[izyboy]

I felt exactly the same as you with my second. Really felt resentful, wasn't sure whether I wanted another DC, felt isolated, and interestingly same age difference between the kids. A year and a half later I feel alot better.

This is a difficult stage without a doubt, take one day at a time and when ready try to go out every day for a bit. You will EVENTUALLY feel normal again I promise. Oh and my two love each other to bits, its a really good age gap because by the time the 2nd is moving around your eldest understand more about sharing toys etc. They will play with each other within a year - giving you a break every now and then.

[izyboy]

Honestly you will look at them loving each other and suddenly think - oh yeah that's why I did it! And I am amazed I am writing this as I clearly remember how you you feel.