DP and OCD

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Talking (typing?!) about this for the first time so sorry if it's long.

Since I've known DP I've known he likes things to be clean and tidy. Fair enough really. I thought I was pretty tidy too but by his standards I'm most definitely not. Since we bought our own house things got a bit more obsessive than they were in rented flats. He'd get in from work to check, for instance, that the cat hadn't been on the kitchen counters and scratched them. Stuff like that. I told him to chill out, that the scratches he could see were barely visible to the naked eye and, imo, were just part of the 'pattern' of the work surface. But still he'd check. It did seem to be much worse when I was pregnant with DD but that could have been my pregnancy hormones or could have been cos he was more stressed with having just bought his first house and imminent arrival of pfb (mix of the two is likely)

Anyway, since DD became a crawling, curious 6mo he's had lots of other things to 'check' when he gets in from work. Tonight it all came to a head when he'd asked me on the phone if she'd 'been good' which really means 'has she touched any of the things that she isn't meant to touch?' I said she had been good and he got home and checked to find she'd pulled a DVD out of the DVD holder. I'd forgotten that she'd done it and I'd forgotten to put it away. I got upset but we didn't actually talk about it, I just took DD off to put her to bed and then he text me (from the living room) to say that he thinks he needs to see a doctor, he thinks he has ocd, he loves me and he's sorry.

I tried to speak to him but couldn't really get much out of him other than he wouldn't be bothered by it if it didn't affect DD and me. I dn't know what to think now. I really don't know what to do. Sorry this is so long. Does anyone have any advice?

[TotalChaos]

from the perspective of a sufferer - I think it's actually rather less of worry if he can see he has a problem and is willing to seek help, than if he's battling along by himself. compulsive checking can be a very treatable form of OCD - ADs and or a briefish course of CBT are the best treatments. It's quite a common patter with OCD that people don't seek treatment for years - eventually the years of anxiety take their toll and people feel depressed - at which point people finally seek help - if he's recognising a problem and nipping it in the bud at this stage, then that's good.

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Thanks TotalChaos. I don't know that much about it (obviously!). He said he's been feeling like this for about 10 years (so since he was 15) but it does seem to have gotten much more intense since we bought the house. I'm assuming that stress can make these things worse? I'd like him to go and see a doctor but he's now saying that he thinks he can deal with it by himself. I don't know if I should push it a bit (as it was him who first mentioned it) or just let him do it when he's ready? Maybe he wants me to offer to go with him? I would, of course, but I don't know if that's a good idea or not.

tbh I think he is depressed but I really don't like to admit it to myself cos it's the life that we've built together that he's depressed with. That's probably really self-absorbed!

Thanks again for replying

[TotalChaos]

yep, anxiety disorders (OCD is technically an anxiety disorder) thrive on stress. There are some very very good self-help books available for OCD - but obviously there is an advantage to seeing the GP - to diagnose just in case it's something other than OCD and if appropriate to prescribe meds and/or refer on to a psychologist. I think it's worth nudging him to make that GP appointment if he's alreay been thinking of it. OCD Workbook by Hyman and Pedrick is good for practical tips; Tormenting Thoughts and Secret Rituals by Ian Osborne and a little black spined book about OCD (can't remember title) by Frank Tallis are good general books.

[ClapClapClap]

Thank you sooooo much! I don't want to speak to any rl people about it cos it's not my problem to be talking about iyswim.

I'll bring up the gp again and see what he says. Might be easier than trying to convince him to read a book!

[daisydaisy55]

hi ccc, my heart missed a beat when i read your post. sadly been in same situation (& it sometimes feels like ur the only person on the planet to be in such a mad place?!).my xh also began to have worsening symptoms (his related to contamination, washing etc) when we bought a house then had a baby. def. the stress, but also understand it can be related to responsibility?
sadly things got really really bad & i had to leave with our dd. all i can urge is that you don't let it get out of control. it took me a long time to face up to our situation, ever hopeful it would just get better & so much wanting the great life we could have been having. first i went to the gp & persuaded him to go. he was put on ad. then various antipsychotics. what he really needed was cbt & sadly by the time he got to see a psy. things were so severe. prob with xh was he had v little insight & wouldnt face up to teh prob (mostly blaming me), so at least ur part of the way there. he started having private cbt, but has a long long way to go.
please do let me know how you get on. i don't mean to sound alarmist but i don't want u to end up where i am (all v sad at what we've lost)
i'd also urge u to talk to someone about it. i kept it secret for so long, ashamed, embarrassed & also not wanting others to know for his sake. its amazing how many people suffer from similar things. you also need some support. my xh was v angry & bullying, constantly questionning me & every single aspect of our lives was governed by the ocd. it was a horrible place to be & has taken me a long time to (sort of) relax in my own house (somehow thinking he'd still be somehow checking me!)
good luck xxxxxxxx