Urgent Help please- no idea what to do to help....

[TheWhiteSheep]

Last night my brother OD'd, and is currently in hospital over 100 miles away. He is stable, but they are keeping him in to assess psychiatrically.

I am 40+4, and cannot really drive any longer, there are health complications, and I cannot really risk going to another hospital to deliver. My DH does not drive.

Our parents live abroad- I do not have their contact details as we are estranged. We are 4 siblings-
1 sibling lives abroad, and we are estranged..
1 sibling lives about 100 miles in the other direction, is disabled, and mental health problems also.

My brother has said he doesn't want his housemates to tell anyone (ie family)- though his housemate called me, but at least my brother and I have a relationship.

I am reluctant to tell our parents- they cannot afford to come to UK, he doesn't want them to know, tbh they are probably a huge part of the problem, and he has also kept my secret (pg)- surely I owe him his privacy?

I just don't know what I can do to help him now.

This is the norm for my family btw- brother is the youngest, and this makes a full set, though my MH problems are a long way behind me now.

[TheWhiteSheep]

Anybody?

[Kimi]

No advice, just bumping for you, someone will be along soon with advice I am sure

[BigusBumus]

Oh poor you, what a horible predicament. I think you should sit tight, and get your baby born first and foremost. Don't tell anyone whats happened (family) but write to your brother telling him your feelings, you love him etc and inviting him for dinner when the babys born, make him feel part of your family emotionally.

I think thats a good start. Big hugs. xx

[TheWhiteSheep]

Thank you.

[LittleMissNorty]

Can you ring and speak to him? or a member of the team looking after him?

hope you get something sorted

[starbear]

Sorry, my sister did this. She is okay now. I can't help you as her two siblings (me and brother) live close by. All I can say is keep writing to him letters, cards, e-mail just a few lines to say you care. Don't try and solve any of his problems as it will sound like a lecture. let the professionals help and just send word of kindness and maybe funny stories in the news or cartoons to bring a smile to his face. (We did this with my sister)

[TheWhiteSheep]

I have rung the ward, but they cannot tell me anything- I have to wait until he wants to speak to me, if he does.

Not sure what happens if he chooses not to tbh.

[starbear]

Sometimes the Psychiatrist will speak to family. Does the hospital have your details?
They normally only start working on someones problem on Monday. I think they have a duty Psychiatrist for a whole host of people that come in then monitor his behaviour. Then make plans on Monday. I'm not a health professional but that's what happened to my Sis

[TheWhiteSheep]

Thanks Starbear.
I have left my contact details with the ward, but as he is an adult, presumably they have to respect his choices.
He had an episode earlier this month, and his housemates made him go to GPs and get ADs, but they take a while to work of course, and either they hadn't started working, or they weren't the right ones for him.

[starbear]

While hanging my washing I've been thinking.
If he says he would like to see you would you take the train? I would but, I'm not you or your brother. I have another brother in Canada who is obese, smokes,asmtha and OCD (everything has to be perfect for everyone else and he doesn't look after himself)
I was just thinking would I drop everything to go to Canada and be in debt to get there? help me answer that one and it might help us both.

[TheWhiteSheep]

My instinct is to go there, but I cannot risk a 4 hour train journey when I could go into labour at any time, particularly with the problems I am having with my pg.

[starbear]

Tell him that in a letter. Then you'll just have to wait for a reply. Hope your God goes with you. P.S had Ds at 41 yrs fit & health and as daft as his Mum. Look after the new life you can't do more. Also watch and listen to comedy the little ones needs positive endorphins now.

[starbear]

Have to go now and do some housework. I'll pop back later to see how you are

[Watoose]

It sounds as though his housemates are caring and helpful.

I think leaving your details and the fact you cared enough to call is all you can do at present.

Tell him you can't go to him, it's completely impossible - even I can see that and I don't know you - and that you will be with him as soon as you can, or maybe he can come to you?

[Watoose]

Just want to add that some AD's can increase suicidal tendencies in the first few weeks of taking them - bizarre I know.

It's a risk with that kind of treatment and sadly your bro could be a victim of these odd side effects.

I really feel for you, all the best xx

[TheWhiteSheep]

Thanks for all your messages.
Just trying to get my head round it now, as I really thought he would have escaped this IYSWIM. He always has seemed much more together than the rest of us!