Feel utterly desperate and like I want to run away

[overwhelmedanddesperate]

I have namechanged. I feel rock bottom

I am far away from friends and family

I am in a sexless marriage - very much the women who does housewise

I suffer from bouts of depression

I have low levels of B12 which the doc says is not low enough to treat

I have a DS preschool age

I did have well establised career now I am part time waiting to try for DC 2 but cant now

Things have come a head last night with DH after he complained I hadnt ironed a shirt

I feel like getting in the car and driving I havnt any money to do this anyway or access to my salary when it does arrive in bank account.

Oh and I am overweight and DH told me my hair was a mess the other day. I am in my early thirtie and feel a complete write-off.

I have told DH things need to change drastically or else I am leaving as underneath everything I am not a fool and dont want to live like this.

[overwhelmedanddesperate]

Thanks Riven - I know it will pass but all this marriage crap I could do with out. I am not prepared to allow anyone to treat me like this, its takes all my energy to keep depression at bay.

It breaks my heart when I look at DS and feel guilty because if we didnt have him then some things wouldnt be an issue I cherish him I really do. Am I just a sad ungrateful SAHM?

[NAB3lovelychildren]

You might be sad but that isn't necessarily your fault. Make a list of what is causing you pain and see if you can come up with ways to fix or change them.

[overwhelmedanddesperate]

Thanks NAB - I have already jotted a few things down - having spoke to DH at lunchtime I will be ready with my list some items relevant to him others not!

[NewAmazingBeginning]

How did the talk go?

[eekareindeer]

Ohdearwhatamess.

I feel terrible for you. But the obvious things to say just from reading your OP are

1. whatever you do, don't get pregnant until things are sorted.

1. it sounds to me as though you would benefit from going back to work, perhaps part-time? If you want to do something pro-active to get started on improving your lot, then looking into finding a lovely childminder in your area might be a good start?

[overwhelmedanddesperate]

New - it went well, we've agreed to stop sniping and both said things had just spiralled and we took back some of things we had said. We went on to have a very nice evening - we are still quite ok and enjoy each other compnay its just these flass points and bickering have got to stop.

He pointed out a couple of things about my depression and I assured him I was doing what I could. On Friday I HAD to get up and dressed because he was going with me to a colspocy (sp?) at hospital. He was great and helped with DS. I thought to myself that I know many friends dont have DH that help like he does.

I felt loads better for getting dressed and make up on and was pleased with how I looked, on the way there I explainned this to him and said I can see I had not helped myself much this week. But I still did stuff in house (clean n tidy cooked nice meals) and I have crafty stuff with DS at table.

DH has said overall we need to work at things - I made sure the house was nice/inviting last night (candle and his favourite snacks and magazine he likes) for him returning from work - which I would do from time to time normally, he noted this as soon as he came in how nice it all was. Had another pleasant evening CBB.

Ohdear - O do actually work part time which I find very easy but its not terribly challenging, every time I seem to find a course, cost of childcare get in way. However....

I have read through my OP list and things just dont seem as bad today, boosted by the last two evening that actually things arent haging by a thread as I thought they were and I have lost 6lbs. I have picked out an exercise class to go to tomorrow morning, had a very busy day to day and DS has been fab.

I am also going to investigate possible treatment from a homeopath to try to improve vitamin B12. I think with weight loss, exercise and the latter it may help all round.

[NewAmazingBeginning]

It is nice you got the house nice and had magazines for him but remember he should do things for you too. Don't be the little woman.

Good luck

[TotalChaos]

agree with NAB. sounds like you are perfect housewife in return for him being nice to you.

btw why did you say in OP you don't have access to your salary?