My life is unmanageable because of anxiety

[mocca]

Does anyone have experience of extreme anxiety which makes it impossible to live a normal life? I've always been an anxious person (there's a family link) but it's been triggered by what should be a happy occurence.

I've met a man who I love deeply and he me and we're planning on getting married but I'm so afraid he's going to reject me (because I've always been rejected in the past)I now find myself almost permanently fearful that this is going to happen again. Sometimes the fear is so great that all rational thought goes out of the window and I become a zombie. I'm scared I'm going to do something really weird, and something as insignificant as him not picking up the phone can send me into a downward spiral of despair.

The GP has put me on sertraline and I'm going for CBT - can anyone relate to this and does it work? I can't work, parent my child or sleep and am desperate. I've even thought of calling things off with him because of the anguish I'm feeling.

[luckywinner]

Hi mocca, I have a little experience of this. I felt really similar when I got engaged to my dh who I had been with a long time. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I hated work. I didn't have any children so I didn't have that added stress that you have but I can completely relate to how you are feeling. I started seeing a psychotherapist who quite honestly has saved my life. I am still seeing her and this is 6 years on but it is so worth it. It took me a long time to figure out why I was feeling like that. I don't know if you feel like this but I just felt more stressed thinking this should be the happiest time of my life getting married etc but I have never been so miserable. It was agony.

My dh was incredibly supportive and I tried the whole time to be honest with how I was feeling. Have you talked to your dh?

I really really feel for you. That daily pain is immense but I just wanted to tell you I have now been married 5 years and I feel so much better. I sometimes have bad days where that old anxiety creeps in but I have learnt and am still learning how to deal with that and what my triggers are.

I hope this helps you. I have talked all about me but I really wanted to know I know exactly how you feel.

[scifinerd]

hello I know how debilitating anxiety can be and it is good you are getting help. Stick with the cbt as it will help and if the sertraline does not kick in you must go back to the GP. ALso I agree with luckywinner you should talk to your dh and if that is difficult, just show him this thread. I am sending you hugs.

[lizziebeth]

You'll no doubt find CBT therapy very helpful. How long do you have to wait for an appt?

I had extreme anxiety and my doc also prescribed sertraline. Felt a lot better after a couple of weeks. But fundamentally it was the CBT which did the trick in the long term.

[mocca]

Thank you so much, knowing how other people can relate to what I'm feeling helps so much! Luckywinner, I feel exactly how you did, I should be so happy but all I feel is anxiety. It's not helped by the fact that I live 200 miles away from DP and we only see eachother fortnightly. I have thought about telling him but am scared - how did you share things with your DH?

You've given me hope that I can conquer this and I'm not going mad.

[treedelivery]

CBT is brilliant - I had it for anxiety and depression after a car accident.

All I will say is that it is utterly exhausting and really hard work. You have to 100% commit to it, as you basically set out retrainiing your brain. It's like the gym for your head.

I have found many of the things I learnt there so so usefull in lots of different ways - managing relationships and work etc etc. It has made me more insightful and empathic too.

Good luck and stay it out!!

[luckywinner]

You poor love, you are not going mad, but it certainly makes you feel like you are. Treedelivery is right, from my experience therapy is no quick fix and I did find that for a while it was harder before it got better.

I think for me I felt utterly terrified at the thought of getting married. It wasn't that I didn't love my dh, but every single bit of my body wanted to run away from him and getting married because it represented something so unbearably awful to me. It was hard to tell him without feeling like i was about to jilt him at the altar, which I wasn't. But I think what scifinerd said is a good idea. Show him this thread, and be honest with him. My dh reacted in a kind, sort of protective way of me. I just kept reassuring him that I loved him and it wasn't about him and that I would get there in the end and he had to have faith. And he did, and I did get there.

It is hard to get perspective on anything I think when you are feeling so irrational. Perhaps if you think of it like this. From caveman days we are programmed with a fight or flight response. Danger these days doesn't come in the form of being gobbled up by another animal yet we still encounter danger, yours being in the form of being terrified of being rejected. To your mind and body that is the greatest danger and so you are reacting as you would have done in caveman days. Yet there is no need for you to 'run away' from any man eating tigers so the anxiety is not 'released' if that makes sense. So it sits and sits and builds and builds. And it manifests itself in anxiety. Does that make any sense at all?!

I hope CBT really helps you. My therapy has proved vital to my wellbeing and I promise you I was the most anti-therapy person there ever was when I started.

Will keep checking this thread so keep posting.

[Lotster]

Hi there, sounds like you're really suffering

As Tree says please take the CBT, and please don't hurt yourself further by calling it off with someone you clearly love..

CBT helped me through two difficult times of depression and anxiety. It really helped me to stand back and study my behaviour and feelings and see how I got there/stop it getting there again, as opposed to being dragged under by the emotion of it all.

I feel like a pill pusher as this is the third time I've mentioned it this week(!) but good quality omega 3 fish oils are fantastic at boosting brain function to help with stress, anxiety and depression. I actually took the therapy but refused anti-depressants opting for fish oils instead, they worked for me. No harm in taking them too.

If you want a link to the best brand (IMO) then let me know.

[mocca]

Thank you so much - Tree, your summing up of the anxiety feelings is spot on and I can recognise what's happening to me but at the moment I just can't see outside the prison that my mind has become. Went to first CBT session yesterday - it's one of only six on the NHS but my therapist is a sweet inexperienced girl who is so very much younger than me that I wonder if it's going to be any help. Wish I could afford to see someone privately.

I've been on sertraline for just over 2 weeks now and still feel dreadful most of the time (worse than before actually) but am hoping this is normal and that soon they'll kick in. I spoke to DP last night and it was lovely as usual but am already obsessing about contact tonight and what if it doesn't happen and it's ruining my lovely day with my DD and her best friend. Am too scared to talk to him about this but I did write him a letter (which I haven't sent) telling him in broad terms how my past experiences have made me very vulnerable. Wish I had the courage to give it to him...

[treedelivery]

I think hopefully the therapist should be useful as really they just kind of point you in the direction and give you tasks and 'homework', you actually do the therapy yourself! That was my experience anyway.

Maybe use your 6 sessions and see how you find it - thats not many but as long as you have some plans in place it is possible to simply carry on really, just keep doing the exercises. Doesn't sound man but then if it's one a week, 6 weeks as a lot of time to spend on such an exhausting project.

Maybe if you can see how it would e brilliant then you might be able to budjet for a few more sessions? If yo think it coul dreally really help you then can you afford not too, I dunno - it might be totally impossible. But if it makes you a happier mum and woman, then it's maybe worth giving something up for.

CBT is such a knackering rollercoaster just ride the wave and don't worry about feeling worse - I used to leave some sessions feeling like I#d never ever go back, and some on a mad high!

[mooseloose]

I'm waiting to go for some counselling as my anxiety has spiralled and now affecting me going out shopping and crowds, and i keep having panic attacks. i have refused any meds but i am going to try the fish oils you have just mentioned.

[thenewme]

I don't really rely on anyone as I never could the whole of my life. My DH and I are solid together but part of me still wonders why he is with me, how can he love someone like me and when will he leave me? It is tough at times. I understand how you feel.

[luckywinner]

Hi mocca, how you feeling today?