How would I know if I had antenatal depression or just feeling normally hideous in pregnancy?

[mrsgboring]

I'm feeling a bit low at the moment, but all the individual pieces could be put down to pregnancy: tired, sick as a dog, no appetite, unable to shake off colds, can't concentrate on anything properly, can't breathe through my nose which has given me panic attacks at night (never had this before) very worried about the baby's health as had a previous stillbirth.

There is plenty on my plate, as FIL had a stroke quite soon after I got pg, and DS's and my life and routine are going to change once he goes to preschool in January and I don't know how it's going to be.

I do loads of things with DS and try to go out (but he wants to stay in and build interminable things out of Lego). On days in, I'm so fed up I don't do much with DS and I ignore all the housework and mess, then feel worse in the evening. I've just got myself pointlessly upset over a very very innocuous MN thread I was on, which I was only on because feeling lonely and fed up.

DH says he thinks I'm still okay in myself, and on my good days I think that too, but if I weren't pregnant, I would definitely say that my mental (and physical) health was fairly bad at the moment. On bad days I definitely wonder if I'm depressed.

Have only been able to find extremely vague descriptions of AND on the internet and just don't know any more.

Anyone had AND and how did you know?

[TotalChaos]

I had AND - brought on by a flare up of OCD. Compulsive handwashing and frequent thoughts of suicide were my main symptoms so it was crystal clear that I wasn't feeling right. I would say - talk over how you are feeling with a trusted health professional - I hope you are getting extra support with your antenatal care due to your previous stillbirth, but these days with the NHS you can't take that for granted. Wanting to go out all the time rings bells with me from when I was mildly depressed.

[mrsgboring]

Thank you TotalChaos. I get extra scans and consultant appointments, but it's not as full on as last time as this is my 2nd pregnancy since after stillbirth.

I have always had a going out activity planned for most days, but previously didn't get so fed up about staying at home and having to make the pace myself when I didn't go out. So I don't know if I really think it's a red flag type signal.

TBH I suspect that everything that I feel is normal because life is a bit hard at the moment (I certainly don't have unmistakeable symptoms like you did, TC) BUT if I were depressed, I would think that, wouldn't I? That what I was feeling was a reasonable response to pregnancy and life in general being a bit rubbish at present?

Had some fairly useless counselling after DD was stillborn in which the counsellor used to dismiss every fear and negative thought as "catastrophising" - even simple things like saying I couldn't plan a holiday whilst TTC because in the early weeks of pg I would be far too ill to travel and I didn't know when I would get pg. (Stupid moo I thought at the time, but maybe it is a patholgical way of thinking?)

[TotalChaos]

so sounds the medical side is better supported than the emotional side? I think you should try and talk to a nice medical professional - try and nip those panic attacks in the bud.

[shootfromthehip]

I had AND too- similarly to you I had a lot of 'stuff' going on in my life too. I had horrific thoughts about my pregnancy from the outset though, (not about killing myself or the baby but I just wanted 'it' out). I have a history of depression and so I knew that I was spiraling into my normal 'cycle'. I had been very down during my first pregnancy too but this was much, much worse and as I didn't want to take antidepressants, I was referred to a shrink for the duration. This was far from helpful as it got me in a cycle of seeing people for the next year and a half which made me feel really guilty and concerned that I was being sucked into the system.

When my DS was born, I was immediately 'better', as I had hoped, and didn't have PND or need any extra support at all. Having DS was fantastic for me and he has changed my life for the better. He is now 2 and it all seems like a distant memory but I know that I can never have another baby as it may be worse next time. I love the end product but can't deal with pregnancy.

If you are down at all, speak to someone and get some help as you may end up further down the road of depression than you would like to be. Good luck and hopefully it is circumstances that are making you feel so low and not pregnancy.

[mrsgboring]

Thank you both for this. TBH I'm not sure my symptoms compare to yours. I have had a much better day today so far, but will keep monitoring my mood.

The panic attacks (though v. mild) did scare me as I've never had them before. Will seek help if they happen again.

Thanks again.

[shootfromthehip]

No worries Mrsg, just hope that you are feeling better and can cope with the difficulties that are being thrown at you. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.