regular name changer here.
I found something out last night.
Basically, i already knew that my dm had been abused when she was a child by her Father, I know its 100% true because he attempted to do it to me when i was about 10, but i stopped him and he later came back and toldme i had misunderstood his actions. My dm told me about it when i was 16 and i told her about when i was 10. She eventually went to the police when i was about 22, the whole family made statements, basically, my brothers, my dsf and i where the only ones that believed her, it didn't go any further as the CPS said their wasn't enough evidence. So, we tried to move on, i had no contact with any of my cousins, uncles or grand parents, recently i have been in contact with my cousins, they're younger than me and don't seem to know anything, we have not discussed it, i don't know if we ever will.
Anyway, that aside, i was at a party last night at my dfs house, it was his dw birthday, everyone had plenty to drink, and it came out that my Dads Father abused at least 1 of my Aunts, and my Dad was aboused by 2 of his Uncles, as where some of his cousins also. My Dad also said when i was 3 i had told my mum that my Grandfather (Dads Dad) had touched my private parts, so they stopped me staying over My Mum comfirmed this when i rung her after he had told me.
My Aunty was adamant that if i repeated anything of what i was told last night, she would call me a liar as she doesn't want it to come out, because she believes it will kill her Mother. My db and one of my male cousins where also there, they got really upset, and of course, like me, where in shock.
So, i'm pretty sure, nothing is going to be done, i don't think it would have come out if it wasn't for the alcohol consumed, and i don't believe anything is going to happen through it, no police, everyones going to keep quiet, all bloody hush hush.
So, to clarify, I have 2 abusive Grandfathers, at least 2 abusive Uncles (who i don't know, i have only met one of them in my adult life) Both my parents where abused, it seems attempts where made to do it to me.
Neither of my parents knew about each others abuse, yet they both still allowed contact with us children and their own parents, we stayed over at my Mums parents (which was the time my GF tried to do it to me he also used to try and get me drunk).
So my problems being-
Once i had told my Mum today about my Dads abuse, she said, 'well, we better be careful of your brother, he has 2 peadophiles for Grandads' WTF!! is she saying it'll run in the family? that if i had been male, she'd think it of me? How can she even think that of him? But at the same time, i can't ignore the possiblity, can i? There ids always going to be a doubt in my mind, but then i have that with all people anyway. incidently, db and his dw have just found out she is pg, so does that mean that my mum is worried about her unborn gc.
secondly, how can i ignore the fact that both my parents put us in danger by allowing contact with the abusers, i know i would be running as fast as i could in the opposite direction with my dcs if i had any kind of inkling that they would be harmed.
Thirdly-what am i supposed to do now? Keep my mouth shut and don't talk about it? I don't really want to talk about it, but it is in my head even when i am asleep, how do i move forward, how do i function daily and not let my life and that of my dcs be affected?
Sorry for the babbling, it may not all make sense....I seriously have no idea how to cope wwith this.
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Mental health
Moving on after finding out about childhood sexual abuse
26 replies
itsbeenashock · 30/11/2008 20:48
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