My friends think I may have PND but DD is 14 months old?

[mummytowillow]

Crikey, not sure where to start here really, my daughter is 14 months old and my marriage is just about to fall apart. My husband has decided that life with me in the house is intolerable because I'm irritable, snappy, irrational and sometimes just completely blow my top, he's right I am all of those things.

When I managed to get him to talk he said I've been like this for about 8 months and I'm unbearable to live with, because I'm so unpredictable?

Some days I'm completely fine, but other days I just want to sit on the settee and watch TV, I do everything for my daughter on these days, but can't be bothered to do anything else for myself. I feel so miserable about myself, I'm fat and feel ugly. Sex is out of the question, I feel so unattractive, I've put loads of weight on and really dislike myself. I could cry at the drop of a hat and did today in work because I can't believe things have got so bad between hubby and I.

The other thing I can't seem to get over is I worry constantly that something is going to happen to my daughter, I hate leaving her at the CM and hate work because I'm away from her. I think terrible things to, not me doing them to other people or her, but these things happening to her or me?? I had a terrible pregnancy, SPD and dreadful morning sickness, then my lovely water birth turned into an unplanned C section and then I found breastfeeding a complete nightmare and ended up giving it up (I really regret this). I still to this day sit everyday and wonder 'what if' about he BF and the birth, it tortures me that I missed out on all this, because I can't have anymore babies, (we went through 4 years of IVF) this tortures me to.

My friends think I may have PND but DD is 14 months old, but because I've been like this for 8 or 9 months, I'm not sure. I've got an appointment for a smear on Monday with the nurse but don't know how to broach the subject of PND as I feel embarrassed, any suggestions on what it could be and how to approach the nurse without dissolving into floods of tears?

[Riallybigbangandflash]

My advice would be to say whatever you can whether you burst into floods of tears or not. Maybe even make an appointment with the GP to just discuss how you are feeling. It may be PND, or could just be depression. I don't think there has to be any reason for these things. It is "a chemical imbalance", there is nothing to be ashamed of and I think in recognising how you are feeling and posting here you are willing to seek help. You shouldn't be judged, your GP should be willing to help you, either with meds or counselling referral.
Can you talk to your DH and say you realise how you have been and you are taking steps to get help? My DH has been an invaluable support to me throughout nearly 13 years of on/off depression and AND and PND 3 times. he has told me how awful it has been when I'm ill, but he has stuck with me and supported me to see me come out the other side.
I cannot offer any more advice, I hope I have not been patronising. I really hope you can find the strength to get help and come through this. Take care and keep posting.
Rx

[RaspberryBlower]

I second that - don't worry if you do cry! Traumatic pregnancy and birth are often factors in PND. You also need to check there are no underlying health problems (like thryoid problems for example). You've taken the first step by posting on here and hopefully you'll get good treatment and support and feel much better. X