Im really worried about my dad, any mental health professionals around to advise?

[Tidgypuds]

I dont know where to start really.
My dad has always been moody going from the best dad in the world, affectionate, loving, kind generous etc to irritable, angry, vicious (not to his kids though usually other people)

He lost one of his eyes about 15 years ago and suffered depression after that and went on medication (his family have a history of depression) he has been on it ever since. My mum and dad went away on a holiday of a lifetime about a year ago and things were great before hand he went on a diet, his diabetes cleard up due to the weight loss, he stopped his medication and was on top on the world for about 4 weeks (had a couple of blow ups on holiday)
He started eating wrong things again his diabetes returned resulting in him going back on insulin and he had to start his AD's again due to him feeling so rotten.
Since then he is so bad, he is driving my mum into a nervous breakdown with verbal abuse. Just recently though its really got quite bad he swings from being ok one min to being unbearable the next. Accusing my mum of all kind of things, some of which are really not true, feeling sorry for himself then saying sorry and then they are all lovely dovey again.

Last night he woke up in the middle of the night and started ranting at my mum saying she had moved something, she hadnt, she actually got up and started looking for it for him whilst he sat on the sofa ranting, he then went to the fridge and tore, yes tore two cans of beer in half in the sink ranting that she was a piss head and thats why she has moved it?!
She isnt, and never drinks in excess. One or two glasses every couple of nights or so.

He is completely unreasonable and talks to himself a lot, swearing etc, which is a bit embarrassing to be honest.
He is a great grandad when he is ok.
He is very knowledgable and intelligent.
Im so worried for him and my mum.
I know one of us needs to say something but I dont know how to go about it. It cant go on like this my mum is in tears everyday.
She loves him very much and I know my dad loves my mum very much too.
Please help me if you can.
Thanks for reading.

[Tidgypuds]

Bump.

[ShowOfHands]

It's like reading about my Dad pre-diagnosis and treatment. He has bipolar disorder.

I cannot stress enough that proper medical treatment is what helped my Dad be the wonderful man/grandad he is 95% of the time. He has bad days, but don't we all?

You must find a way of getting him to see his GP as a first step.

I sympathise, it's horrid to see somebody you love struggling.

[tiredemma]

How old is your dad?

[Tidgypuds]

Thanks showofhands, I know its not good but it makes me feel better knowing its not just my dad being my dad and it might actually be an illness that can be helped.
I know im going to have to talk to him about going to get treatment. Im scared though.

How is your dad now? hope you dont mind me asking. When did you notice something wasnt right?

[Tidgypuds]

He is 51 tiredemma.

[katale]

How old is your dad? If he has been on AD's all this time and is back on insulin it could have a lot to do with his amounts of medication. Perhaps it would be an idea for your mum to go and see his GP and have a chat to him/her and explain whats been going on.

[pippibluestocking]

I am a MHP. It does sound as if your dad is probably clinically depressed. This may be on top of a personality type which means that he has always been a "bit moody" but even so, it really does sound as if he is experencing a clinical depression. I will however say that unless it is impossible for any professional to say exactly what the problem might be without seeing him. If he had bipolar, then he would have episodes of being VERY happy, as opposed to times when he is just "normal and not grumpy". It really is important that you try and get him to see someone. If he doesn't agree, you could phone his GP, or get your mother to - whatever feels right.

[Tidgypuds]

I have just been reading about borderline personality disorder and he seems to fit the signs. I know he will have to have some kind of evaluation from the GP.

He is sometimes on high about something, talking about it a lot but he hasnt been like that for ages, now he is either ok or really down.
How do I approach it with him, I would prefer to do this rather than go to his GP without him knowing to be honest.

Last week we were in a shop and he started saying to himself come on (his name) and was rubbing his temples frantically. I said you ok dad and he said absolutely normally yes love, what you thinking of buying.

[onepieceoflollipop]

If there is concern that he may have bi-polar disorder then really the GP should refer him for a second opinion from a psychiatrist. Has he seen a psychiatrist in the past?

The psychiatrist will do several things - firstly make a full assessment and diagnosis. Also it sounds as if his medication needs to be reviewed.

It is possible to have a variation of bipolar disorder where the symptoms are generally depressive.

Your description of his behaviour and symptoms do not seem to "fit" borderline pd tbh. (I am a mental health nurse)

I think it is vital that you seek further professional help. Also ask about a Carer's assessment for your mother.

[Tidgypuds]

Onepieceoflollipop he has never seen a psychiatrist.

Carer's assessment, what is this, do I ask her GP about that?

[onepieceoflollipop]

Tidgy I would suggest that you or your mother contact his GP and explain that his mental health has deteriorated. Mention the main points that you stated on here.

If your father refuses to see the GP, then as next of kin your mother can ask the GP to consider a Mental Health Act assessment. (i.e. basically he will be seen anyway if there is concern that he is either presenting a risk to himself or others, and/or he will deteriorate without appropriate treatment). It sounds as if he is becoming aggressive, albeit it verbally at the moment, to her and certainly his mental health is deteriorating from what you say.

If he does agree to see the GP then either you or your mother ask the GP to refer him for a second opinion (for the reasons I posted above)

As a "carer" for your father, who has mental health problems, your mother is entitled to speak to someone on her own account for support. In most areas this is known as a "Carer's Assessment". Either ask the GP or contact the local Crisis Team/Community Mental Health Team who will tell you more. In most areas people can self-refer to a Crisis Team so that is another option if the GP is less than helpful.

HTH

[Tidgypuds]

Thanks that is helpful. Im going to chat to my brothers about it tomorrow to and see if they will talk to him with me.
I dont think he will refuse to see the GP, he must be in turmoil and doesnt enjoy being like this, it wears him out and is sleeping a lot.

Thanks for the info and advice, I appreciate your time.

[onepieceoflollipop]

You are welcome.

If you feel it would be helpful please feel free to CAT me.

Hope you find a solution soon.

[Tidgypuds]

Thanks.
I have spoken to my DB about it and we are all in agreement that something needs to be said, so my DB and I are going to say something in next few days.(Just have to figure out what)

I have been reading about Bipolar ii were the sypmtoms are mostly depressive as you mentioned.

I have looked at the articles by Stephen Fry and I may give a print out to my dad if he is interested he may read it and it may help him to realise he has a problem.

Thanks again.

[ShowOfHands]

Hello again. Sorry I disappeared yesterday. RL etc. Haven't got much time but will share a bit with you to see if any of it resonates?

My Dad has always suffered from clinical depression but over the course of a couple of years it became different. He never had extreme happy times (which was why bipolar wasn't diagnosed as quickly as it might have been). He had the obvious depressive times and then his highs were characterised by an OCD like behaviour and obsessions with things. He'd all of a sudden become convinced he needed to start a course or a new hobby and would become fixated on it for a short time. He'd also ask lots and lots and lots of questions that had no answer. Like, ShowOfHands, why is that flower yellow? Why? Am I stupid for not knowing? Idiot me. Why don't I know? Why yellow? What's yellow? And on and on and then rubbing his head and looking confused. He had sharp pains in his head which he now says was too many thoughts.

He would accuse my Mum of all sorts of things from affairs to her keeping him a prisoner. He would wake up in the middle of the night and try and get out, accusing everybody of stopping him from doing what he wanted. He stopped sleeping at times and slept all the time at others.

My Dad is highly intelligent and very knowledgable.

Things got much worse before he was diagnosed involving self harm, potential suicide we think, a couple of psychotic episodes and eventual voluntary sectioning. He was promptly diagnosed and medicated accordingly.

Today he is a stable, content and devoted Dad and Grandad. He has bad days but a good psychiatric team and appropriate medication has really helped. You wouldn't know. I wish he'd been diagnosed years ago.

He is 51!

Good luck to you, feel free to contact me if you wish.

[onepieceoflollipop]

Hi Tidgy, hope all goes well when you talk to your dad.

ShowOfHands your post was very interesting; I was at a work conference recently and one of the subjects was bipolar disorder. One of the speakers (a Psychiatrist) spoke on how difficult it can be to diagnose in cases like your dad's when the person doesn't show the "classic" signs of mania/elated mood.

However as you so clearly identified in your post, in hindsight the signs were there. Sometimes the professionals (such as me!) don't look hard enough/ask the right questions etc. Often it is only by spending proper time with the person and their family/dp that it becomes clearer.

It is good to hear a positive story - i.e. someone who is now "stable and contented" and who is receiving appropriate support from the mental health services.

[ShowOfHands]

onepieceoflollipop, if my dad hadn't voluntarily been sectioned, I don't know if he would have been adequately diagnosed. His consultant worked closely with him and noted a pattern of behaviour that didn't corellate to typical bipolar disorder, but followed a distinct and polarised pattern nonetheless. His depressive episodes were protracted while the 'mania' lasted no more than a day, usually only hours. It took the daily observation of a mental health team to see this.

I have nothing but praise for the team he is under. Their support for my Dad, my Mum and even me at times has been wonderful.

My Dad, oddly enough, is training to be a mental health nurse atm, wanting to give something back.

It's people like you that give hope to people who are rock bottom and very worried families.

Sorry to waffle. I love my Dad very much indeed and am proud of him and the people that helped him.

[ShowOfHands]

Sorry, meant to ask how things are Tidgy?

[nadiar]

hey guys i am Nadia