Struggling under the weight

[soapbubble]

Hi there, am feeling really awful for some reason. I have a gorgous little 17 month old (we had a rough start, she was premature and stopped growing in utero so was in special care for 6 weeks, then failed to thrive and had dev delay as a result) and at the moment I just feel as though I'm not strong enough to be a good mother. When she cries, I cry, I keep worrying about what I will do if anyone is ever even remotely unkind to her or doesn't like her when she gets older and I am also suffering from OCD with excessive handwashing coupled with a phobia of sickness and of her throwing up when we're not at home. I am worried about how my mental state will affect her. I don't think I have PND but I know that there is a lot wrong with me. Has anyone else had similar feelings and what did you do? I would be grateful for any advice here as I'm not sure which way to go with this. thanks heaps

[minorbird]

Hi Soap Bubble, sorry to hear you have had such a hard time. It's normal to worry about your little one and how they will cope in the big wide world and although, we can't live their lives for them, we can shower them with love and equip them with knowledge and skills to be the best little people they can be! Which in turn will give them a good start.

As for your own mental health, you should go to see your GP. Even if you don't have PND, just talking about how you feel will be a big relief and as someone who has suffered from PND and anxiety, (And nervous to go to the doctors) I cannot reccommend it more! Especially in regards to your OCD and sickness phobia, even if you did not want to go down the Anti depressants route (which is a very personal choice but again, for myself can not reccomend it more!) there are other treatments available such as counselling or cbt. (Other more experienced Mnetters will be able to shed more light on this.)

Best of luck Soap Bubble. Hope you get some sunshine in your days soon.

[oxfordblue]

Hi Soapbubble, sounds like you are suffering from anxiety perhaps along with some sort of despression ?

If it helps, I know how you feel & I'm sure others have felt the same.

Agree you should go to the dr or maybe ring one of the helplines (mind?) & speak to someone. Verbalising it will definetly help & then you should go to the dr.
I am also suffering from extreme anxiety & my dr has prescribed me paroxetine (citalopram turned me into a zombie)

Also recommend rescue remedy or just going for a walk to clear your head.

HTH