Feeling really low today. It is hard to explain and will take some time. Will anyone bother to read it? Will anyone understand if they do?
Two facts you need to know, or might know already if you have seen previous threads started by me:
- dh was sacked from job two weeks ago but has a new one already but we have to move for him to do it.
- I am an emetophobe (have a phobia about vomiting, or, more to the point in this case, have a fear of my children vomiting.) That is the bit I don't expect many people to understand. Don't try to. Just see how it affects me....
Dh has to start his job next week. It all came about very suddenly and he is only today trying to arrange the rental of a house.
The problem: he wants me to stay where we are until Easter so he can settle into his job. Basically I think he is very scared he will be sacked again and we will have moved and sold our house for nothing. I, however, cannot face the idea of being on my own with the children for six weeks in case they get ill. The house he is renting will be big enough for us all, I have checked schools and there are three that have places for my children. The children don't want to move and are upset so I think it would be better for them to get the move over and done with rather than dwelling on it for six weeks.
However, I haven't told their current school they are leaving and if we up and go next week, we will be leaving more than just school very abruptly. There is also cubs, beavers, swimming lessons, ballet and hospital appointments, including a operation on ds1 to be cancelled.
But I can't face being on my own. All I want to do is move now rather than in six weeks time. What do you think?
I don't expect you to understand how my phobia drives me. Dh lives with it and even he says I should stay for the six weeks. The worry about it has been getting me down now for days and last night I actually thought I would rather end my life than carry on this pathetic specimen of humanity, unable to cope with what is an everyday situation for parents the world over. I feel no better today.
If you reply, tread softly please.