a diary full of painful memories

[vannah]

Hello,
Im in a bit of a dilema as to what I should do with 2 diaries that I have locked away in a box and no longer have the key. I have ignored the box for 2 years now, but its at my mother's house and I dont want anyone to try and break it open. Im sure they would have done by now but its a bit of a black cloud over my head.

In these diaries, which I began when I was 21, and continued until 32, I have written the most painful horrific accounts of things that have happened to me.

Im curious to read them, as those memories are just a part of my past and I have really moved on.
But what exactly do you do with things like this? People who know me and the incredible rollercoaster life Ive led insist that I write a book. But I no longer have the confidence I once had with writing, plus Im busy with my babies.

SHould I throw them away? Depression manuals and endless hours of counselling have taught me to forget the past and live in the present.
Or do I keep these memories to remind myself that things were bad then and not now?

any thoughts?
thankyou

[HumphreyCushioni]

Make sure you have them in your possession.
Put them away, and only deal with them if/when you're ready.

[piggypoohsmum]

Same advice, keep them at your house, read when ready.

You are stronger now but only open them when YOU feel truley ready. There may be tears and some down sides to reading them but like you said, that was then and things are better now.
when you've been to the lowest of the low then you can never go back there.

The things in your diary are what have made and shaped you into the person you are today.

The other day i found an old poem i had written when i lost my twins nearly 18 years ago. i had often wondered where it had gone. when i read it i cried. But i cried because it had been a sad time in my life, not because the memory was going to make me depressed again.

Dont let others pressure you into writing the story. Do it when you are ready. YOU will know if and when that will be.

[morningpaper]

I would keep them in your posession because they might be useful in the future, for example, if your children ever ask questions etc.

BUT I would promise yourself that you won't open them unless you are counselling at the time. Because it will be like a time-machine back to hell, and you will need support to go there.

[vannah]

many thanks for these replies.
PPM - that was sad to read about you losing your twins. But what you said about the crying makes sense.
The reason why they are not in this house is because I dont really ever want my husband to read them, for lots of reasons...
Must find somewhere else to keep them.

thankyou again