Rubbish self esteem - any suggestions??

[ontheup]

Hi - I am looking for recomendations for any books or web sites that have advice on improving self esteem - its a long story but I have had a series of knock backs recently (work issues, mc, diagnosis with a degenerative disease etc etc, its been a fun year so far) and I am desparately trying to cope with it all. After a lot of soul searching I have realised that I am very negtive and dismissive of myself and it is affecting how I live my life. i want to chagne this as life has got a whole lot more precious recently and I dont want to waste any more time.

Anyway, do you have any recommendations as to where I can start off? Thanks for your help.

[Threadwormm]

Just bumping for you, since I'd like to know the answer too!

I'm sorry you have had such a tough few months.

[ontheup]

lets wait for wisdom together....

[ontheup]

bump - help anyone??

[Threadwormm]

Evidently no-one here knows the answer to this question. It is because we are all women and all have rubbish self-esteem.

[LavendersBlueDillyDilly]

As you've already identified (so you're half way there) self esteem is often realted to neagtive thought patterns and assumptions about yourself, and to automatic dismissing of the positive aspects about yourself.

I'd recommened CBT for this (cognitive behaviour therapy) as it works on addressing just those issues. Getting you to recognise and prioritise the positives rather than automatically focusing in the negatives( about yourself or your life). It trains you to think about things differently which basically makes you feel differently about things.

Try to find a therapist, it is usually 'short term' therapy, 3/4months, mayne a bit more. Or if you just want a book there are some good self help CBT books. look on Amazon.

I have the name of some good ones somewhere, I'll look them out and be back.

[ontheup]

I would like to try the book route first I think lavender (classic low self esteem, cant see it is worth prioritising a visit to a therapist, Iknow, i know) thanks

[Walnutshell]

ontheup, surely as part of your diagnosis you are very much entitled to some counselling? really good luck

[ontheup]

I know, but I have so little time I dont know when Id do it tbh - I thought Id try a book forst and if it doesnt work then do counselling maybe (its also cheaper)

[cosima]

nectr in a sieve by kamala markandala is the most optimistic and uplifting book i have ever read. its not a self help book but its absolutely phenomenal, especially if you have had some knock backs

[ontheup]

thanks cosima - i need techniques to stop me beating myself up all the time - ironically i am by nature an optimist, its just that i am never able to feel satisfied with what i have done - its never good enough

[LavendersBlueDillyDilly]

Hi ontheup.

I would recommend 'Overcoming low self esteem' by Melanie fennell. I haven't actually used this one but do recommend the 'overcoming' books generally, they all use a CBT basis.

Another good one for generally changing negative thought patterns is 'Mind Over Mood' by Dennis Greenbereger and Chgristine Padesky, which is great for self help CBT.

They are both on Amazon I have checked.

Applying perfectionist expectations to yourself is often the cause of low self esteem and depression/anxiety. 'if I'm not perfect I'm worthless' type thinking.

I'm very anti perfection for this reason (and because I'm a lazy arse).

If you are a natural optimist the CBT approach should sit well with you, some poeple really stryuggle initailly with the idea that things could be vciewed in another more positive way as their pessimistic thinking is so entrenched.

You sound like a prime candidate for the self help appraoch working.

Best of luck

[ontheup]

thanks - that v helpful - off to Amazon now