I feel like I am going mad

[mum2jakeyroo]

I have had depression for the last 6 months and thought I was finally getting through it. Anyway last week was one of my worst weeks ever. No motivation to do anything, crying at everything. Then on Saturday morning my dp, told me he can't cope anymore. I am pushing him away. He looked at me with pure hatred. I have 2 ds's and my 3 yr old had the worst tantrum ever yesterday and has started wetting the bed. I can only think it is my situation that has brought this on. I don't want to feel like this anymore.

[gingernutlover]

hi mum2jakeyroo are you under the gp at all? on AD's or having councelling?

sorry to hear you having a rough time, there is a thread on here for eself help strategies but you sound very down, keep posting,m i always find that helps

[mum2jakeyroo]

We have recently moved. SWtarted with a new gp but when I went I was ok - ish whereas the past 2 weeks I have gone right down. I just don't know where to turn. I can't talk to my mum and my dp has had enough. I feel like i should leave but don't feel like I have the guts.

[mum2jakeyroo]

I was on ad's but came off as am pregnant. I was referred for counselling but moved counties and now am on a 6 month waiting list cos new gp said I ws coping

[mum2jakeyroo]

thank you for replying gingernut. x

[ScoobyDoo]

Sorry you are feeling so low.

You know there are certain ad's you can go on when your pregnant, your probably feeling so bad because you have come off your ad's & are not ready yet.

Have you talked about the situation with your dp? how does he feel?

You seem to have quite alot going on, how old are your 2 children?

Maybe a trip to the doctors & a chat with your gp will help? he could advise on what you can do.

((Hugs))) to you

[mum2jakeyroo]

thank you. My dp has been great but after 6 months and I just seem to be as bad as ever he has had enough and told me on Saturday one of us needs to go. He said I am horrible. He then told me yesterday that he really loved me?? My boys are 3 and a half and 18 months. I love them so much but sometimes wonder if they would be better off without me but like I say not got the guts to move out

[TotalChaos]

Sorry to hear you are feeling so rough. I had depression when I was PG - I ended up being put on Prozac at 30 weeks, but it did really help me.

I agree with going back to the GP, and also tell the midwife how you are feeling. The docs may think it's appropriate for you to go back on ADs, even though you are PG. Have you a Surestart centre anywhere near you, as they may be able to help with counselling etc a lot quicker. Also if you speak to HV and get a referral for Homestart. Sounds like your DP is feeling very stressed and worried about you feeling so down so is snapping at you because of that. He really needs to look for someone else to talk to about how he feels, as you can't take on all his feelings on top of how you are, you need to focus your energies on getting yourself better, rather than feeling apologetic for upsetting him.

[bossybritches]

OK so you need to go back & tell the new GP you AREN'T coping as well as you'd thought/hoped, & ask for the referral to be made urgently.

It's an understandable extra low in a generally low period, but you have been proactive in getting a referral so that is a step in the right direction.

Please don't feel you have to struggle through this alone, your GP will understand.

[mum2jakeyroo]

I have an appointment for friday

[mum2jakeyroo]

does anybody else ever feel it would be better if you left rather than have an atmosphere around your dc

[mum2jakeyroo]

does anybody else ever feel it would be better if you left rather than have an atmosphere around your dc

[TotalChaos]

these feelings that the kids would be better of without you - classic symptoms of depression IMO, that you feel worthless etc.

[bossybritches]

Well done for the appt- at least you've got that to hang on to.

Yes of course we all feel like that about the dc's at times, they do pick up on all the bad vibes don't they? But hang on in there & give yourself a chance. Tell your DP your are TRYING to sort things & you appreciate how hard it is for him as well as you.

Can you get any practical help to ease the day-to-day burden of Stuff to give you time to rest? Any grandparents/neighbours/family?

[mum2jakeyroo]

actually my dc stopped at grandparents last night. Am only picking them up at tea time. When I say that it makes me sound awful - at least I have got time to myself. I am trying to motivate myself to tidy up.

[bossybritches]

No it's practical & helpful to involve the GP's even if you AREN'T struggling with depression!

re the tidying up- don't be too ambitious- just do one room the lounge say & fling all the toys in a box, run the hoover round & flick a duster & polish over some of the surfaces. enough to make you feel you've done something & it's a room most used by visitors/family so it gets noticed!

Go on just 15 minutes-then give yourself time for a cuppa & more MN!

[lucyellensmum]

you could be me, my poor DP ive put him through the wringer for the past three years, mostly because i didnt get help. WE have had that conversation over and over, he is still here (poor sod). It is sooooo hard for our partners, we have a bad day, they are helpless and still bear the brunt. Is there any way he could come to the gp with you?? You clearly need to go back on the ADs while you are waiting for the counselling - stamp your feet, six month waiting list - not good enough, ask for a psychiatric refferal - you dont have to feel like this.

Your DP does love you, if he didnt he wouldnt care would he - he is just finding it hard to cope. Helping him to understand your illness will help

[mum2jakeyroo]

My dp has been great and I know he loves me but after 6 months and me being back to how I felt at the beginning is probably a lot to take. His comment one of us has to go was probably just a reaction- I hope.

[lucyellensmum]

im sure it was, like i said, we have had that conversation more times than i care to remember and its horrible. I think you are exactly right, it may well be his way of trying to push you into getting better. Of course, that is only going to make things worse, also he might be feeling bad that he can't help and by saying you should split is almost punishing himself because that is the last thing he wants (i know, i do this!). Take each day as it comes. Let him know you love him and you are thankful that he has been there for you - just make sure he understands that you are unwell.

Is friday the earliest appointment they have, we have a ring first thing in the morning for an appointment policy and pre bookables are often quite a few days later. It doesnt have to be an emergency, but to be quite honest i think the sooner you talk to someone the better, that way you will have a plan and your DP (who does sound great) will have that positive thing to hang on to as well.

Much love to you - depression is awful isn't it, i had no idea how much it eats into everything until i had it. It skews everything out of proportion and numbs you to other stuff. Stamp your feet, get the help you and your family deserve.

I wish you luck, you have to do the same for me as i have to go and stamp my feet at my surgery this week for much the same reason - let me know how you get on.

Take care
x

[mum2jakeyroo]

thankyou lucyellensmum. It is the first appointment I cant get with the doctor who I saw last time. Make sure you get to your doctors too. And let me know how you get on. I think as well I have a terrible habit of not 'showing' my feelings to the outside world. My bil/sil think I am now fine. My mum and dad think its fine etc. It was pointed out to me by a friend of family that it is as if I don't want anyone to know how I am feeling. I do bottle things up - then blow.
Don't forget let me know how you get on and don't forget to go stamp your feet
x

[lucyellensmum]

yes, my DP is the only one who really knows i have a problem, i have told some friends about it, but never offloaded and tbh they were gobsmacked, although they know i have been through a lot recently so when they thought about it it was no surprise. So we bottle it up and take it out on the ones closest to us - they should feel privaliged . I know its not a laughing matter but its sometimes the only way i cope. I hope you are OK and remember, if it really gets too much, you can see another doctor in the meantime and still see your doctor on friday - that way you wont be anxious about having to wait, you have that to fall back on - do you think we should wear our Doc Martins to do the feet stamping?

[mum2jakeyroo]

yes definitely doc martins required. Just seen your other thread - you poor thing and here you are trying to help me. I feel like you describe. Its so hard. hugs for you x

[lucyellensmum]

thats the thing I love about MNet we get to help each other out and share experiences. I have to say i do feel much better today having got my head around the finances. Honestly, all the other stuff, its in my head - I think my DP deserves a medal

[bossybritches]

lol at the DM's ladies- good luck with the stomping

[mum2jakeyroo]

thank you. I think I definetely need to. By Friday I will probably be in a much better mood.

[lucyellensmum]

write things down, take DP with you - its a real double edged sword, when you feel better you can be more objective, but then you think that things aren't quite so bad so don't paint it so bad to the doctor. I really think you need a third party (namely your DP) to say that you are really struggling just now.