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Mental health

Missing my mum

40 replies

Pavlovthecat · 23/05/2008 22:43

She died last year.

Have coped pretty alright really.

Today. I miss her. Not sure why now all of a sudden. But in the last two days, its quite strong.

Like I have only just lost her.

I want to give her a call. And cant.

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frumpygrumpy · 23/05/2008 22:45

You can write. Seriously. Put it down on paper.

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southeastastra · 23/05/2008 22:46

oh pavlov i lost my mum 9 years ago last week. sometimes it just hits you out of nowhere.

sorry i'm not very helpful but can empathise (sp)

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BoysAreLikeDogs · 23/05/2008 22:47

It's hard, y'know, when you think 'Oooh' [in my case]'I must tell dad, he'll love that/be horrified/come over straight away'.

Have a Pavlov, I feel for you.

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LittleMissNorty · 23/05/2008 22:47

Oh I cannot ignore your post

I lost my dad nearly 3 years ago and still feel this occasionally, and I usually look at some pictures and have a good cry....

You will always have times like this....and that's fine....in time its easier to remember with a smile rather than tears...

I'm sorry, not much help am I? I've never really worked out myself how to cope with grief....I still really miss my dad....

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Pavlovthecat · 23/05/2008 22:49

frumpy - I never wrote to her, well I did but not long letters. I used to send her cards for the sake of it. You know. Hey mum its me, love ya.

Its not the same. What would I do with it once I wrote it? Send it where?

Why tonight? .

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Pavlovthecat · 23/05/2008 22:51

There was nothing specific. Just an overwhelming sense of loss after Holby City replay FFS!

Now, I feel really tearful.

I cant really put it into words without being all mawdling. Just.

Oh shite. Its been lurking. for a few days.

I am probably just stressed.

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LittleMissNorty · 23/05/2008 22:53

Have a good cry and remember her....its not a problem is it? If its been building, you should let it out...

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Pavlovthecat · 23/05/2008 22:54

And I am sorry to those posting who have lost parents and other loved ones too.
to all.

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BoysAreLikeDogs · 23/05/2008 22:55

for all your losses.

When was the last time you had a proper cry, Pavlov?

Tears can be healing, I was afraid to cry for a long time, in case I would never stop.

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windygalestoday · 23/05/2008 22:57

my mum died 22 years ago im still as sad as tho it was yesterday im fine for ages and then smack it hits me,i dunno what to say to make you feel better but you sure as heck aint alone xxx

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Pavlovthecat · 23/05/2008 22:58

LittleMiss - I struggle to remember her. I want to remember her as she was before she was sick. Before she withdrew.

But it sort of clouds everything. My proudest memories are of her holding my DD. But she was having chemo, and the pictures show that clearly. They are beautiful photos, but they are also painful photos. So I cant just browse.

Everything that reminds me of her, reminds me of the plans we had for the future and how my life is moving forward so fast and positively, and without her.

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southeastastra · 23/05/2008 22:59

life is hard without your mum, i hate it sometimes (especially when mil makes 'helpful' comments)

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frumpygrumpy · 23/05/2008 23:00

Pavlov, did you post earlier about being ill yourself? If so, thats why you are missing her darling. xxx

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BoysAreLikeDogs · 23/05/2008 23:00

Gosh , Pavlov, your last post resonates so strongly with me.

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onebatmother · 23/05/2008 23:01

V sorry Pavlov. I feel the same, often.

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Pavlovthecat · 23/05/2008 23:02

Boys - oh god, a long time ago now. Until tonight that is. Not much chance with a little one!

I know crying will help. And talking on MN. Sometimes I despair when I read threads, sometimes I think I am not going to come back to MN as it can be so bitchy, but its also full of very compassionate and supportive people. Often the very same people who were bitchy previously!!! Thats why I am posting. As I know that when I need it, I get given a kick up the ass (and sometimes when I dont) and when I need it, I am given some support.

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LittleMissNorty · 23/05/2008 23:05

crying is very therapeutic....I still cry almost every time I go into a card shop....fathers day, birthdays etc

IKWYM about life going on...I've got a 12mo DD and can't imagine life without her yet my dad never saw her and he would've loved her to pieces....

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windygalestoday · 23/05/2008 23:05

pavlov that so true of my mum ...she died of cervical/ovarian cancer when i was 11 she left my half sister who was just 2 so on all the fotos i managed to get i see she wasnt v well for a long time,i am very much alone with only my fil and dh and my estranged/odd nanna who i never see and i miss her every day

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Pavlovthecat · 23/05/2008 23:07

frumpy - yes been poorly with stomach bug/food poisoning. Feel much better, just a bit tearful. DD has been an angel. A terror, but a happy one. I was worried about looking after her today with DH at work, but she was a gem.

Does it get easier. It seems to be getting harder. For a long time I felt like an iron rod. You know. Thats life, everyone loses parents, get over it. But, when it does hit me, it hits me harder each time. Not that I am unable to cope, and perhaps I am talking shite as I had a lot of time off work after she passed away but I had just had a baby and was getting married and I could not deal with all of it. Dr called it delayed adjustment reaction. Gave me drugs, I did not take them . But I never cried. I just felt angry, and could not sleep. Mainly I could not sleep. Now I cant sleep. But I blame DH sleeping problems for that!

Ignore me, I am talking rubbish.

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LittleMissNorty · 23/05/2008 23:09

Your not talking rubbish.....sounds like some bereavement counselling may be in order.....you don't just get over it.....don't think you ever do tbh.

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Pavlovthecat · 23/05/2008 23:10

Windy - same as my mum - ovarian. I am sorry you were so young.
Boys - are you ok? Did not mean to make you sad . How do you cope with that?

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Pavlovthecat · 23/05/2008 23:15

Little - I went to bereavement counselling for one session. CRUSE - I saw some insipid (sp) woman who kept going 'ok' 'yes' 'i am sure you are' 'and how do you feel now?' 'hmm' 'hmm, uhuh'

My job does not help I guess...I understand the theories about coping etc etc, and I have read all about the bereavement process, I did the shock part when mum was alive, and when she died went to anger. Then it sort of disappeared, and now. guilt? I think thats one of the steps isn't it? Its easier to help others through their own shit isnt it?

Or its just that I miss her.

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windygalestoday · 23/05/2008 23:15

pav i dont think it gets easier i just think you learn to live with it for me if im sad i feel like heavy chin is wrpped around my heart other days i just feel a gentle tug when i remember- someone told me you know your getting there when shes not the first thing you think of in a morning ......well im not there yet

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windygalestoday · 23/05/2008 23:16

chain not chin grrrr

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BoysAreLikeDogs · 23/05/2008 23:19

Ach, Pavlov, I have my moments, thinking about how life, amazingly, has carried on without him.
DS1 remembers Granddad, sadly DS2 does not, too young, they are growing up.

We do stuff, family stuff, holidays, get-togethers, and are happy, a big family all together with my brother and sisters.

And yet, and yet, there is always, unspoken, the yearning for him.

His big hands, rough and warm.

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