Lonely soul.... (long, boring, sorry...)

[Lilypie]

Just once in a while this gets the best of me...
I am a young, successful mother with a beautiful 3 year old, I love my husband and we have just bought our dream house in the country. I run my own business which I started from nothing 2 years ago and I love it desperately and am so happy doing what I do.
Sounds like a dream come true life doesnt it? My problem? I have no friends. That is, obviously I have friends, who doesnt, but I have no-one locally who I see socially, no-one I can call in to for a chat if I need to. We moved from England to Ireland 7 years ago and I left all my very close friends behind, we keep in touch but I've never managed to bridge the gap they left in my life. I work alone, I have no staff, I know some of dd's friend's mums but no-one I'd call a close friend. I feel a bit of a sad case really, not helped by the fact that DH is in a band and is out playing gigs once or twice a week (he's out now...) and has his own life there.

I really just needed to get this off my chest tonight, I'd kill for a mate to call round now with a bottle of wine and a take-away, mumsnet is my consolation.
Thanks for listening.

[moondog]

Lily, you need to get out there and do something about it!
Pre-school committee
Church
Aerobics or aother sport
Night classes
Invite another mother and child over for tea.

Any of those grab you?

[Lilypie]

Trouble is, I do full time hours only not normal office hours, I have dd all to myself in the morning, drop her to creche at 1pm, work 1-6pm, collect dd, feed & bath her, bed at 8pm and back to work til midnight. Its the only way I can do my job and be the mother I want to be to dd.
I'd like to be involved in community more with committees, sports etc but I literally dont have time! I am a photographer so out most saturdays at weddings, sunday is our family day together.

If there were more hours in the day I'd be signing up to everything!!

[Lilypie]

(not church)

[moondog]

yOU CAN'T WORK THOSE HOURS AND HAVE A LIFE.
I work f/t and my dh away for long periods but I do stuff (aerobics, PTA, Sunday school, tea parties with other families and so on)

Something has to give i think

[mamalovesmojitos]

moondog is so right.

you sound like you are a go-getter. so put your energy and focus into actively seeking friends.

i think personality-specific activities are great so you can meet like-minded souls. courses are great as exams and submissions are great for bringing people together.

what about your dh's friends? do any of them have wives you'd get on with? how about his bandmates?

it must be hard moving far awsay. i live in ireland but have considered moving to england for a postgrad course in a few years. dont know how i'd cope with no family and friends about tho....

[moondog]

Get together with other mums am??

[Janni]

For a start, your post is neither long or boring, so why say that in your title? It will put people off reading it.

Do you maybe do something similar in real life? Send out a slight vibe that says 'it's OK, don't bother with me?'

I am someone who knows very well how to be sociable and make friends. I also have a bit of a depressive side and when I'm in that frame of mind (as I am at the moment) I KNOW that, without being rude, I have an aura around me that says 'don't get too close to me'.

Just a thought.

[mamalovesmojitos]

oooh x posted. yes where would you have time to fit in friends? you must prioritise some time for your social life...

otherwise it's mother and baby groups all the way!

[Lilypie]

Yes Janni, thats me in a nutshell. I'm horribly aware that I'm a bit of a spare part everywhere I go. In Ireland everyone I know seems to have dozens of sisters and cousins living on the doorstep and friends they've known all their lives and if I try to get close to someone I just feel in the way, like they've got enough mates and I'm just bothering them. So I put out an air of self-sufficiancy and a defence mechinism which probably isnt very endearing.

I tried mum and baby groups and found them very cliquey, I sat alone a few times after attempting to engage a few other mums in conversation and finding they soon went back to join groups of friends and I felt like a prize idiot. So I gave up on them!

[Janni]

Well, Lilypie, if you really want a friend you have to stop seeming so capable and self-contained. Ask for practical help with something. Ask people for advice. Ask where you can buy something, say you're new to the area and need some help with XYZ...

There would also be NOTHING unusual about you having a little get together in your house, BECAUSE you're not local to the area and would like to get to know a few people better. You obviously have amazing life skills with what you've achieved, so just put them to use on 'Project New Friends'.

[Julezboo]

Lilypie - i so know how you feel. I moved to south wales a year ago now from Liverpool. All my friends and family... I have MIL down here but tbh we dont get on (see previous threads!) The one friend I did have (how sad and pathetic) now works full time and works in the same place as my DP so talks to him more. Although not sure how much of a friend she hardly contacts me anymore, no quick email or text, ignored my email this week

I dont even work, Im at home with my DS. I speak to the mums at the school but it ends there, ive tried baby groups but am Naturalyl shy person, times like this i wanna move back home to liverpool where i could call upon my firends for a cuppa

[TheodoresMummy]

Lilypie - rather than toddler groups, what about something a bit more structured like a music class, tumble tots/gymnastics, dancing ? Something that does not potentially leave you standing there feeling alone.

You just haven't found the right people yet (cliquey groups piss me off, how would they feel ?) Keep trying, you will find someone you click with and they will prob introduce you to more people, etc.

What about other mums picking up from the creche ?