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Mental health

Have moved and made a big mistake......feel terrible

12 replies

bubblesbabe · 09/05/2008 19:51

Am probably being really stupid but need to tell someone and can't tell rl. My dp nad I moved house about 2 months ago, from the country to the town. tiny garden, house lovely but quite small. Feel really claustrophobic, am surrounded by houses and feel really exposed, as though everyone can see every move I make. We had all these plans for dogs and vegetable gardens and spending time in our garden and now I hate being out there. Nice but v noisy neighbours etc.. i just don't want to be here, I crave my old home and just don't know what to do. I feel as though I am just waiting to move which is ridiculous as we won't be moving for some time now.
I know that we made this mistake ourselves but i just wanted to tell someone that i'm unhappy and really don't want to be here!

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sarah293 · 09/05/2008 19:55

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nickytwotimes · 09/05/2008 19:56

Aw, bubbles, sorry for you.
Give it time, don't panic. It's only been 2 mths. You need to give yourselves time. Even if you find out that it's not for you in the end, well, we all make mistakes and you will have a chance to change things by the sounds of it, even if it means a few years.

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expatinscotland · 09/05/2008 19:56

You poor soul!

Hopefully someone will be along in a bit who's more help than I am.

We made a reverse move, from small flat in the city to the country.

At first, we questioned our decision, too. The first few months were hell.

But now, 7 months on, we wouldn't trade life here for anything.

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bubblesbabe · 09/05/2008 20:10

Thank you for being nice to me. I feel like a right pratt and am always planning how I can stay at work and go and visit friends etc..

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phatcat · 09/05/2008 20:20

I sympathise - we moved from Skye to Harrogate last September and I so missed the views, fresh air, peace and quiet, privacy, etc., at first. I used to feel really sorry for myself when looking out at other houses when washing up instead of at a loch! We also moved to a much smaller house. However, the benefits of our move are really kicking in now and those feelings have diminished a lot. I think you need to keep sight of why you moved in the first place. Can you make your garden any more private?

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mistlethrush · 09/05/2008 20:28

I have had a small garden with lots of people overlooking - I planted a birch tree at the bottom of the garden, and it started making a difference very quickly. I am sure that, if you looked at your garden (which seems to be the real area of issue) carefully, you would find that there is an area within it where you would not feel as exposed, particularly if you addedeg a trellis screen with some clematis or wisteria or something: if you had an area of privacy and seclusion you would probably feel better about the garden. You don't need to put veg in an area that's private, and you can even use things like runner beans as an added way of creating high points or a tall screen for the time that you will most want it. If you're a gardener, don't underestimate what you can do in a garden quite quickly. Also, get a dog! go out for walks everyday and get out, adn its also a really good way to meet other people. Good luck!

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expatinscotland · 09/05/2008 20:34

Some good advice here!

What we found helped is starting to get to know the neighbours and enjoy the community some.

I'd say stick it a bit, but stop beating yourself up!

We thought we'd made a huge mistake when we first got here, even though when we left we knew the quality of life was better here - we were in a tiny flat with NO outdoor space at all, crap secondary schools, etc.

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suedonim · 09/05/2008 21:39

It's early days, Bubblesbabe, even if it doesn't feel like it. I'm pretty sure your neighbours won't be in the least bit interested in your daily comings and goings and as others have suggested, there are ways to give yourself more privacy. Have you got to know anyone new yet? Throwing yourself into local events can be fun and lots of them will welcome a volunteer with open arms. Does your dp feel the same way? That will make a difference, one way or the other, I think.

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bubblesbabe · 10/05/2008 08:13

Thanks everyone- am trying to feel a bit more positive with a long, sunny weekend ahead

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bebespain · 10/05/2008 23:11

Hi bubbles - juts wanted to say how much I can relate to what you say. We moved to Spain almost 2 years ago and I have hated it since day one. I feel we have made a HUGE mistake and would do anything to move back

Problem is DH s quite happy here and isn´t keen to move back to England. He is Spanish

I also "crave" our own home and fantasise about back there, ridiculous as it is. I can´t really say anything to help but wanted you to know you´re not the only one feelng this way

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chewlips · 10/05/2008 23:23

Hi, can also add, we moved to this house just over 2 yrs ago. We moved from a small 3 bed semi to a large 4 bed semi. I sat here night after night crying. "what have done, given up our home etc etc" Hated it with a passion, now 2 years on, I love it. I hadn't realised at the time how much my old house had become my home. I honestly think that if I moved now, then again I would be heart broken.

The house/home that we have now is so much more practical than we had - its a lot bigger for a start, also DDs have ther own bedrooms. It is also nearer to all of their schools, so that means that we can walk. _ now I wouldn't trade it for the world and I am so glad we stuck it out.

Good luck (although I have to say, we didn't move from country to town or vice versa, just from quiet area to quiet area.)

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Meandmyjoe · 11/05/2008 09:05

Been there, we sold our first house and moed to a lovely house but it just didn't feel right. DH didn't really seem to bothered by it but I was miserable. It got to the point, especially when I was pregnant that I just couldn't stand being at home in the day. I always felt so scared when I was there alone and I still don't know why! I hated the neighbours who were ery intrusive and not particularly nice people although they were always in our lives pretending to be our friends. It was awful trying to avoid them without becomming enemies iykwim. I couldn't even hang the washing out without the neighbours hanging their head over the fence and making conversation, telling us what we should do to our garden and how we should decorate.

We lived there for 3 years but in that three years I neer stopped loking on the internet for new houses in different areas!

DH and I eventually moved last September when ds was 8 weeks old (total nightmare moing with a new baby!) but soooo worth it!

I immediately felt at home in our new house and I love the area. Much better school for ds as he gets older and not overlooked at all.

I have to say though, it's early days and maybe the change is just going to take time to adjust to. If not then I sympathise and the only thing I suggest is getting out and about. I used to sit in the town library for hours and read rather than go home!

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