Hi, I went through shit when my son was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 3, my marriage broke down, I moved out, became a single mum of 2, one of which had a 10% chance of survival, spent the best part of 2 years in hospital with him, watching the cancer cruely steal him away from us, having to leave DS2 with my mum and I missed his first steps, potty training and other milestones, went through a divorce, lost my precious son, was left with my DS2 who was only 3 years old, feeling lost, lonely, confused and skint - all DS1's benefits stopped, so I lost the DLA and Careers allowance, Child benefit, income support reduced, my car had to go back as it was on Mobility...and then...just to kick me when I was down, the benefits people decided I owed them hundreds of pounds because DS1 died on the wrong day of the week!!!!
But hey, I'm here, 5 and a half years on, re-married, with a beautiful new DD. DS2 is 8 now and worships his sis, although still terribly misses his big bruv.
Then....WHAM! Back to hospital's with DD!
She has DDH and other problems - but thats another story.
I have to ask...WHY? Haven't I spent enough time watching my children suffer? I'm sick of Childrens hospitals. I thought, between myself and DH we had done our share. He also lost a ds to cancer.
Some people ask me how I do it. I look at it like this...
In order to have rainbows...you must endure the rain.
...or terrential downpours in my case!
Someone must think I am a wonderful mother to send me special children that need extra care....
as opposed to .... what have I done wrong?
Now for the advice bit...
What got me through the worst times of my life, those really dark days, when it all starts to cave in and loneliness sets in was a wonderful person who I can only describe as an angel.
He was my counseller. He made me see the glass half full, he helped me to find 2 positives for every negative, he helped me deal with DS2's pain and grief, he taught me that grief has many stages, there is no set pattern, no rule book, no time scale, no right way and no wrong way - it's painful, it's agressive, angry, frustrating, blaming, guilt ridden and it's a very lonely thing to deal with.
I am under no illussion, I am STILL grieving. I lost my son when he was 5 years old. There is a hole in my heart and soul, a huge part of me is missing. It will be 6 years in September, but it may as well be one - my pain hasn't eased...I have just learnt how to live with it.
For you, it is only 16 days. You cannot grieve fully in such a short time, don't think that you are not grieving well, you are, and more importantly right now you are asking for help.
The best thing I ever did was talk. Either carry on talking on here or get a counsellor or even do both. Bottling your feelings up will fuel the explosion when the lid comes off and that's not good.
Try having a Homestart volunteer to visit you a couple of times a week, someone else to talk to. I know from experiance partners don't like to talk about our feelings and emotions - they can't handle it. Also, my DH works away a lot and works very long hours and he's always knackered and just wants an easy life when he gets home!
Another way to deal with things - although quite extreeme - is vent your aggression on something (not someone!). I know someone who lost a child that bought cheap plates, just so they could smash them! Personally - I threw anything I could get my hands on when the agression raised it's evil head, a microwave, a laptop... It all got rather expensive!!!! But, Boy, did I feel better afterwards!!!
Just remember, there are stages of grief, no 2 people will grieve in the same way, there are no rules, no one can tell you how to grieve or that you should 'get over it' or 'move on'.
Sleep deprivation is a major contributing factor to depression, see if your GP can help with that and a referal for counselling.
Remember...you are never alone. X