Thought things couldn't get any worse, now this.

[3kids1cat]

Have been feeling bad for a few weeks now, but as always was trying hard to keep it together. Did speak to my HV last week but all she pretty much said was that everyone has down days and if I wasn't keen on taking any meds I should focus on getting out of the house, exercising etc.

Had the weekend from hell, both dd were being sick, and didn't eat for 3 days which ended up with me waiting with them at the emergency doctors for an hour. Was told by xp that he is picking ds and dd up on Friday to go and stay with him for the weekend even though he hasn't seen them for a year, which I'm now feeling very worried about.

To top it all, just as Dp left for work for 3 days I started to feel ill, then realised my period is a week late and with everything I hadn't even noticed till now. Just done a test and I'm pregnant. It's not even an option to have another baby, dd2 is only 8 months and money is already very tight. Just can't deal with anything else right now. Feel like just going to bed and sleeping forever. How can I get through this?

[mad4mybaby]

wow. Poor you. You really really need to sit down and talk to someone about how you are feeling. Firstly your xp has no right to waltz in after a year and expect to see your kids. He is a stranger to them and it isnt fair on anyone. Although i dont think you can legally stop him you both have to be in agreement and your right to worry. If you cant afford legal help then make an appt to see citizens advice, free and they are very helpful and point you in right direction. I had bad pnd after ds born 2006 and i didnt want to go on medication but i was on it for about 18 months. It DOES help but only you can make that decision. With regard to your PG you need to talk to your dp asap. When he gets back. Do you have any family or friends you can chat to?

[3kids1cat]

Yes, I do have people I can talk to. Wouldn't worry my Mum at the moment as she has a lot on her plate, but I have sisters I can talk to although I know they'll think I'm silly for not being more careful with regards to the pg.

My xp took me to court over access, and they agreed he should be able to see them every other weekend, after a couple of months he changed it to once a month, then eventually stopped seeing them. He does phone them a couple of times a week though. DC's are very excited about going so I don't want to be the bad guy and say no, plus I can't be bothered with an argument with xp as he gets very abusive. It's a 2 hour drive to his house though and the thought of them being so far away after so long is upsetting.

Will talk to Dp when he gets back, I know he will be very supportive, so its more the practical stuff I'm worried about. And upset at the thought of what has to happen.

[mad4mybaby]

hang on, if hes abusive, do you really want your kids there? So far away? 'if he hasnt kept up his agreement then that must hold against him.. i really think you should seek advice before letting them go. Maybe get him to go to yours instead for a while. he doesnt sound like a v good dad IMO...

with regards to your sisters.. tell them from the start that you dont want to be judged that you need an ear.

[Squirdle]

Blimey, if he hasn't seen them for a year then surely he should just take them out for a day trip or something before they spend the weekend with him! They don't know him and he doesn't know them! I would be very wary about letting my children go off with someone, who couldn't really be bothered before now, for a whole weekend. Surely by not sticking to what he told the court he would do violates his rights over when he sees them anyway. If he went back to court because you refused to let them go for the whole weekend then he wouldn't have a leg to stand on considering he hasn't bothered for a year.

[3kids1cat]

You would think so wouldn't you but when we went to court he hadn't seen them for 8 months but he gave the court a sob story about money and they were very sympathetic towards him!!

I really would rather they didn't go but I don't want to upset them. Inviting him to my house is a huge no no. He has threatened my Dp in the past and been racially abusive to him, and made horrible comments about my dd2. I couldn't tell my Dc's what he's like as they still adore him. Don't want them to be let down more than anything.

Blimey I'm feeling absolutely terrible. I'm trying to look after dd2 who still has a bad stomach whilst being sick myself. Why do all these problems come at once.?

[bluejelly]

You poor thing. You have my sympathy. Things will pick up though I am sure once you get the weekend out of the way things will feel brighter. How do you feel about the pregnancy generally?

[3kids1cat]

Sad. I wish we were in a position to have another baby but being absolutely realistic I know there isn't an option. We are stretched to the max financially, I need to get back into work, and we are trying to move house at the momment.
I know Dp would like another but he doesn't think of the practicalities of having 4 Dc's.

[Skipsmum]

oh, poor you!
No idea what to say that might help...you will deal better with the xp thing when you are stronger. Don't expect yourself to cope with everything at once.
Thinking of pregnancy, at least give yourself a week to get your head together before making any decisions. You can't make a rash decision now when your head is foggy, you are sick and tired and your partner is away.
Thinking of you XXX

[3kids1cat]

Thanks, just rang my mum and she said she'll pop round to get Dc's some dinner and put them in bed which is lovely of her as she's worked all day. Dp said he'll try and come home tommorrow, so I will talk to him then. Thanks for your posts.
Will no doubt be back on when kids are away and I'm worried sick.