Namechanged to be a bit less googleable.
I've a history of a couple of severe depressions with self harming and anorexia being part of the symptoms. I tend to follow a pattern of getting stressed, working insanely hard to cope with feelings then crashing, stop eating and start self harming. In between these 'bouts' Im stable, weights reasonable, no SH-ing and get on well in life.
Had surgery very recently. It was difficult and a long, difficult and on occasions traumatic time leading up to it. I was so scared that I coped by keeping myself extraordinarily busy with physical stuff. Even the afternoon after the morning surgery I kept going though I had a bad head, felt sick and faint. kept working all weekend.
Today I feel crumpled. Weepy, exhausted, no appetite, worrying irrationally. Have had to phone hospital about physical symptoms today related to surgery and even though they say its fine I find it hard to trust them.
All I want to do is cry but I'm in such a pickle with all my comittments. Even today I got phoned asking me to come out and deliver leaflets and stupid idiot me, even though my brain was crying out not to be stupid I said yes.
I think I'm starting to lose the plot and I'm scared of that. i just want to be me. not some weepy irrational idiot on the road to self destruction.
not sure quite how to get back on track?
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Mental health
Coming off the rails rather
4 replies
GettingABitLost · 04/02/2008 12:35
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