Need to blow some hot air!

[AK1107]

Hi everyone,

I don't expect any replies just need to feel like I'm getting things off my chest.

I just feel like things are getting on top of me. Have two DD's - (one 2yrs 8 mths, one 8 mths). I just feel so alone. I don't have any close friends as I am rather shy so find making friends hard. I go to some playgroups but always feel like the outsider with all the other mums chatting away. I have just handed in my notice at work but I don't feel satisfied as a full time mum ( I know that sounds terrible). I cannot afford to work as childcare costs are too high plus the past 8 months being off with DD1 has made me realise that she is better off not being in nursery full time.

I feel like I've nothing to look forward to. Even thought DH has a good job, without my salary we don't have alot of money to spend. Our house is looking really shabby as we haven't really done any DIY since we moved in 5 years ago!!! I struggle with getting housework done - partly rushing around after my DD's and partly that I have no motivation. So I feel like I am stuck in a mess of a home which I cannot stand.

DH works very long hours so during the week I feel like a single mum as he is out of the door before the DD's wake up and he's back well after they have gone to bed. He's knackered at weekends so ends up falling asleep on the sofa which makes me annoyed as I end up feeling even more alone. When he does offer advice I just feel like he's telling me how to do my job so I end up resenting him.

Sometimes I feel like I could just scream. My DH has had to go away this weekend to help his parents and he litterally spent 2 mins on the phone before saying he had to go and abrubtly put the phone down. I felt like he just wasn't interested in me so ended up throwing the phone across the room.

Now I've started I can't stop. I feel angry but I am not sure what I am angry at. Maybe I am angry at myself. Didn't realise how much hard work being a mum would be. I don't have any time for myself and even if I did I don't know what I'd do as I don't have any interests (apart from babies and cooking - how domesticated! ;)). I feel like I've gone back to being teenager again - completely insecure and not sure what I am doing. A couple of years ago I had much more confidence and optimism. I don't know what has happened to me.

Anyway, if you've listened to my ramblings then thank you. Maybe an early night might help.

[EmmaJW1976]

Hi - I can't offer any advice but just want to say I know how you feel.

I handed in my notice in July as I couldn't physically work and pick the DS's up from school (11.20 am DS2, 3 pm DS1).

DH leaves the house before they are up and comes back about 5.45 most nights, occasionally 7.45. They have lots of hobbies so I'm constantly rushing about.

I have lots of friends I talk to but they all have little ones and don't go out or anything so I feel quite lonely too (this is my first time without working ever!!).

I feel like all my days, evenings, nights and weekends are the same and there is nothing to look forward to.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a mum and doing all the kiddy things but I feel something is missing.

Some weeks I'm completely motivated and get the shopping, cleaning and ironing done. Some weeks I just can't be bothered.

I think it is a huge transition for me and I am trying to cope with it!

Hope someone can come along withe some advice.

[beckystaffs]

Hello AK1107,
I know just how you feel. I have 2 dds, dd1 is 3yrs and dd2 is 18mths. i feel like, why should I tidy it up ( I must have put the pencils back in the case at least 15 times today and the plastic food away at least a 20 (yet i am still finding bits under the cushions etc.).
My dp leaves at 6.15 in the morning and most annoyingly wakes up dd1 most mornings (though not on purpose).
I am them left with whiny tired child + lo aswell. Can't stand to be in the house, so escape as much as possible to mother & toddlers groups etc. Then when dp askes what I've been up to all day, I tell him mother & toddlers and he thinks I have had a day out (ie. day off!!)
Sorry about mini rant too.
Just thought i'd let you know I sympathise with you

[EmmaJW1976]

plastic food - that made me laugh!

Just gone out the room and tripped over a 'teddy bears picnic' in the hall.....a blanket, numerous teddies and plates full of plastic food!

I have also put that away about 5 times today! Also found my jewellery everywhere, apparently for a treasure hunt!

Any else feel guilty if they do have a rare night out?? Even just to the shopping centre?

[BITCAT]

I know how you feel, i have 4 kiddies and didn't have close friends that i had things in common with. I used to spend all day at home cleaning and running around after kids. Now i have met other mums, all be it some what younger than me but we have lots in common because we all have kids around the same ages. We started going on girlie nights out, whether it's a night round 1 of our houses or out at pub, club or just a meal and window shopping together. I think you need to take the plunge and try to get into conversations with other mums at playgroup or mothers and toddlers, you do have things in common and maybe try and arrange some kind of get to gether for the mums, believe me it will change how you feel and give you some adult conversation!! If you lived near me i would be happy for you to join us, we have a giggle and you need to feel like a person now and again not just a mum.

[beckystaffs]

Hi again,
I agree with Bitcat- try to arrange something at playgroup or mother & toddlers- i was amazed at how many other mums are eager to get out to do "something", whether this be a trip to the park, feeding the ducks or even meeting up and walking, yes I said the nasty "W" word, walking to playgroup together.
Plus EmmaJW- my dd1 has found put about lipgloss- on her lips okay- but she also paints her fingersnails with it!!! arghhh!!
you are not as alone as you think (others are in same boat too)