I want to leave..

[stickyj]

Does anyone else feel undervalued, picked on and generally undermined by H and kids? I organise everything and H thinks because he does his bit in running kids around, that's it. He wouldn't even get to f..ing work on time unless I woke him up, and up and up....etc.

[TigerPants]

Don't wake him up anymore.
He's a grown up.
You have enough to do.
Let him take responsibility for himself.

[stickyj]

I nag and nag about everything but if I didn't, nothing would get done. I have severe memory problems ( long story) and Dh and the kids pick on this. I have nagged incessantly about Ds' project..he's 14. It's been "nearly done"for two weeks. It's due in tomorrow and I want his room cleared of crappy project stuff. Is it FU..? It's the same as it was two weeks ago and H thinks I'm pissed and nagging.

[TigerPants]

Oh sticky
Can you go away to a friends or relatives for a couple of nights, to get some rest and put things in perspective a bit?

[BigBadMouse]

If it is only them who are going to suffer for the things not getting done then let them not do it.

DH will be late for work
DS will not get his project in on time.

They are both old enough to look after these things themselves surely?

Sounds like you need a break to me - no wonder really

Shut door on DS's room and ignore the mess as best you can, go out and do something for you for a change and let them wallow in their own incompetence..

[Wotz]

{{http://www.amazon.com/Manipulative-Child-Resilient-Resourceful-Independent/dp/0553379496?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21 amazon link]]

The Manipulative Child: How to Regain Control and Raise Resilient, Resourceful, and Independent Kids

Action and Consequence as BBM says.

[Wotz]

try again

[stickyj]

Tiger, have been on teen threads etc, dementia for my dad threads and there's nowhere really I can go. @Cos you know what, I went away with my mum (long story too!) two years ago to Cyprus and slept for the whole week, like a little kid, afternoon naps and everything. It was the only time in 18 years, apart from having babies, that I'd been away and when the kids and H picked m,e up from the airport, it was 20 mins before we had a major row. All the commonets from my DD like, "Oh, we had no rows when you weren't here" etc etc. I nag because I have too, maybe I should let my family look like scruffs etc because my DD doesn't care. I let her go to school last week in a reekin stinky shirt that had laid on the floor overnight and she wasn't bothered but I am, 'cos I feel like it's my family and people are looking.

I went wrong somewhere and I wish I could take my time again because those kids would get away with nothing..if I had to scare the crap out of them, they would be respectful, not swear and would take a pride in themselves, their rooms and the f..ing things they have,

[stickyj]

Am tired and sad....used to be Jollymum for those that were around before..not Jolly now, eh?

[BigBadMouse]

No. I doubt you went wrong, maybe they just took advantage a bit - kids do, it's in their nature at certain ages I think, not sure what DHs excuse might be, DCs probably old enough to know better now too?

[stickyj]

I JUST FEEL SOMETIMES LIKE WHAT'S THE POINT. i AM TRYING TO RUIN A BUSINESSS, FOUR KIDS WHO SHOULD ALL KNOW BETTER BUT i CAN'T LEAVE WITH ANYONE BECAUSE THE FIGHT AND A H WHO IS OK BUT NEEDS ME TO KICK HIM UP THE ARSE TO GET UP BECAUSE HE'S TIRED. AND i AM WHAT??

[BigBadMouse]

Tired or not they are his kids too, he needs to help you and do some proper parenting etc (talking to you in a reasonable manner and supporting you is a good start if he is not already doing this - does he do that?)

[stickyj]

dC'S NEARLY 18, LOADS OF PROBLEMS, DRUGS, STEALING, pita ETC,,15, 12 AND 9. THEY FIGHT LIKE CATS AND DOGS AND WE CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME WE WENT OUT WITHOUT THEM, OH YES...WE CAN. LAST WEEK WE SPENT FIVE HOURS WITH MY DAD REASSURING HIM ABOUT DEMENTED THINGS, LIKE SCARY LIGHTBULBS AND POISONED WATER AND THEN I LOVED MY DH FOR HIS PATIENCE WITH MY DAD, NOT HIS, MINE. THE KIDS WERE GOOD THEN AND TO BE FAIR, 14 YR OLD PUT 9YR OLD TO BED. (HAVING TOWEL WHIPPED HIM I FOUND OUT THE NEXT DAY, BUT TBH, IT'S LIKE CROWN COURT BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO EVALUATE EACH STATEMENT UNTIL YOU CATCH ONE OUT..?!)

MY DH HAS STARTED SAYING I'M TURNING OUT LIKE MY DAD. I KNOW IT'S NOT TRUE, 'COS I'M ADOPTED BUT I DO HAVE MEMORY PROBLEM AND THEY ALL TREAT ME LIKE I'M THE ONE AT FAULT AND I'M THE STUPID ONE. SOMETIMES EVEN I FORGET I HAVE TWO A - LAVELS AND FEEL SO STUPID AND INADEQUATE.[SAD]

[stickyj]

gOING TO BED....HAVE TO GET UP AT 6A TO WAKE DH AND KIDS UP (NOT..) NEED TO DO A MUMSNET LAUGH HERE BUT THINK IT'S LIKE THIS

MWAHHAHAHAHAHA..[GRIN]

[BigBadMouse]

No, I don't think are going demented at all. I think you are suffering from stress and depression