Is anyones DH / DP /OH depressed and you are finding it hard to cope with?

[Disenchanted]

I am

Hes so moody all the time, he comes home from work and scowls, literally! He never smiles and I feel like hes only nice to me when he wants to sleep with me, for the hour after hes 'normal' again but then in the morning its the same.

Hes on citramopram (sp??) but i dont think its working.

I cant help him because I dont understand whats wrong, he saus its not me or the kids, but we have a nice home, happy life so I dont 'get' why hes depressed, I dont see a reason for it.

I hope I dont sound harsh, I want to help him but hes just so nasty to me i just feel like saying 'f**k off' and going to my mums with the kids.

I just cant see a light at the end, I feel like he will be like this forever, and hes not anything like he used to be

But i still love him so, so much.

Its unbearable, i want him back

[platesmasher]

My DH suffers from depression. I think he always has, but it got worse after DS1 was born. Think it was all the extra resposibility and pressure, and of course money is tighter now, and lack of sleep definitely makes it worse. But it is really hard to live with. Right now, he's great and I know it's because he's taking the antidepressants properly. I always know when he's not, but when he doesn't he's so unapproachable it's difficult to discuss it constructively. Does your DH discuss the depression openly?

[Disenchanted]

I dont think he takes them regularly, hes always forgetting. maybe thtas part of it?

He does discuss it but i truelly find it hard to understand, though i do try, its just not something that when he explains it.... i just dont get it.

Im sorry I know that makes no sense.

I just keep thinking it must be us (me & the kids)

[platesmasher]

It got to the point where i discussed it with our GP. He told me when he'd last prescribed the anti-depressants and how long ago they should have run out. Which meant at best he was taking them every 2-3 days, which isn't enough for them to have the effect he needed.
But depression is an illness. It's not anything he can really control. Obviously good diet and exercise and time to enjoy being by himself or with family can all help, but when you're depressed it's very difficult to be motivated to make changes in lifestyle. That's where i think the meds come in, they make it possible to make changes.
If he's depressed it doesn't mean it's your fault, maybe things have happened to him in his life that make him sad, or sometime's it's just a chemical imbalance and just the way he's made. That's why it's hard when you can see that really he should be happy.
When DH is down i do wonder if he would have been happier if we'd not got so far into having a family. It's maybe too much pressure, but really, I think he would still suffer from depression.
When he's not depressed like now, he wants to stop taking the antidepressants and it scares me, because he always goes back to how he was.

[jeangenie]

could you go to GP with him and have a session together, maybe when he needs to renew his prescription next. Explain that you just need to understand it all a bit more

I think he does need to take the medication regularly as it works on a cumulative basis

sounds like you are being very understanding

I hop ethings get better

[ruthmollymummy]

Disenchanted I really feel for you. My DH has suffered from depression for 7 years now and it has been incredibly hard for me to cope with, we had to postpone our wedding because of it!
I completely understand what you say about feeling like its been this way forever. My DH is fine normally but will become very depressed for anything for 3-12 weeks.
All you can do is be patient, I don't want to sound mean but you can never understand the way he feels until you go through it yourself. I thought I had the understanding of Mother Teresa herself until I suffered from PND and realised I really had never had a clue how he felt.
Just keep being patient, believe me he isn't this way because he is unhappy with you or the kids. I know you love him, he will respond to you much better and get better quicker if you just keep loving him.
You truely have my sympathy and if you need to vent just come back and complain a bit to us - we'll always listen!

[teasle]

HI- my DH has had depression for years, including some spectacular breakdowns. It has been incredibly hard to understand, as his partner, and incredibly difficult emotionally, as at times he has been so withdrawn and negative, that I have felt I may as well be on my own. We both drank too much as well, which didn't help the situation at all.

There has also been the issue of him not taking his medication regularly, and the resultant moods and erratic behaviours.

However, for a number of months now, in general, things have been good, and I can
see the man I love again. He has stopped drinking too, which has helped enormously, and has been taking his ADs.

However, I know how horrible it feels when your partner is in the grips of a depressive episode. I found it very difficult to not be angry, as it IS difficult to always be the supportive partner. I have no advice, but do know what its like. I know that doesn't really help.

[Disenchanted]

Thankyou for your advice and sympathy, i will post properly later, kids are causing an earthquake at the moment!

[platesmasher]

At some point I think it helps to have the conversation about how his illness is affecting you and how it makes you feel. Pick the right moment when he's more able to think about your feelings. I explained to my DH that i understood how he feels but it is his responsibility to take control of his medication. He owed it to us to be functioning as well as possible. It can be lonely being the partner of someone with depression as it's fairly taboo to talk about it especially for men. The risk is, that his depression can cause depression for you also. Strangely my 'PND' disappeared when DH started on antidepressants! He was able to be supportive and I felt less alone. There is light at the end of the tunnel, as long as depression is acknowledged and managed carefully.

[NattyThomasandEllen]

my husband was depressed for years and i never really understood i always thought "snap out of it"
that is until recently when i developed PND and understood how he was feeling. i then felt awful for treating him the way i had.

all im trying to say is try to be sympathetic, and i no that is hypocrital on my part, but i just want to help someone avoid my mistake