what is it with me??

[Mummy2CharlotteJean]

i really should of posted this before my last topic.
i dont know what is up with me. i feel like a shit mum who cant do nothing right. i lie awake at night and think to myself that maybe my dd would be better off just living with her daddy.
when i close my eyes i see myself ending it all then dd and dp are so much happier.
i always seem to be shouting at her for no reason and i feel really terrible about it. i know im a bad mum, theres a voice in my head that tells me this every minute of every day.
i dont think i can cope with all this being a mummy and a housewife. ive never had to cope with a mortgage and bills etc
im getting more and more pissed off with myself because i cant get nothing right.
dd screams even after i have changed her, feed her, pleayed etc and i cant stop her. i would never never phisically hurt her.
i used to be a self harmer and i can feel them thoughts coming back into my head again. i dont want to go through all that again but it was such a great release of pain and anger and stress that sometimes it seems to be the only option.
sorry

[lapinewyear]

Sweetheart, you need to get some help, you do sounds VERY down. I'm sure it's not the case that you can't do anything right. Babies DO scream and it can make the calmest person go ARGGGH let alone someone coping with depression.

The great thing is that you know there is a problem and you're facing that by posting on here. Can you go and see your GP?

You are NOT a shit mum, and there is NO WAY that DD would be better off without you. She may not be able to tell you yet but she loves you most of all!

[nobodysfool]

Really dont know what to say to make you feel better.I have no experience of self harming so im scared to say the wrong thing.Your daughter loves you im sure and wants to be with you.
There is no shame in talking to your gp for some help.Please dont let yourself go down that slippery slope where things seem too much to deal with.There is help out there and im sure somebody on here will come along with great advice just didnt wasnt you to think i was ignoring you.Sending you a big hug via this message. x

[Mummy2CharlotteJean]

thank you for your replies.
to be honest i dont see the point of going to my gp when even dp doesnt believe me when i say im down. he just laughs at me and tells me to stop being silly. although i havent told hm the full extent of what im feeling though so maybe thats why.
i always put on a big front but he must see that im not right with how moody i have been

[nobodysfool]

If your GP is crappy have you tried the nurse?You may be able to open up to her and tell her the full extent.How old is your dd?Could postnatel depression be an option?Please dont leave this,we have all been there when the screaming get too much but believe me it does get easier.It seems like a great big black hole you are in and you dont see a way of clawing your way out at the moment.There is no shame in getting help.If you dont do it for youself do it for your little one.

[denbury]

talk to the samertains(sorry can't spell) at least you can get everything off your chest and they might be able to offer some advice. do you ever get a break from your daughter?

[itsahardknocklife]

mummy2charlottejean, I shall pm you because I think I know you!
I used to be a self-harmer too and I had PND after my little man was born. I just couldn't cope at all and went back to work full-time when he was 3 months old. It was best for both of us.
If you want help from your GP, you do need to tell him the full extent of how you are feeling.

[Mummy2CharlotteJean]

sorry think i wrote something wrong there. its not my gp who doesnt know (well, he doesnt cos i havent been yet) its my partner that doesnt know the full extent.
itsahardknocklife yes you do know me. have just replied to your email x

[lapinewyear]

Your DP might laugh at you but your GP won't. He/she will listen, I promise.

[nobodysfool]

Good luck i hope things get sorted soon.Let us know how you get on with gp.

[itsahardknocklife]

I've always been pleasantly surprised at how well GPs respond to such things - you can guarantee you won't be the first person who has cried on them that day - especially if I have been there earlier!