I feel disproportionally upset about dd being left out...

[dinny]

It is really affecting me at the moment - she's been left out of three parties this week, one of which was - I thought - a party of her closest friends. I feel so pathetic taking it so hard as I don't think she is aware even, and if she is I'm not sure she even is bothered, but it really has set me in a bit of a downward spiral and I feel so despondent. I need to pull myself to together and not worry about it, but I really feel we are on the outside of everything, looking in.

How can I detach myself from the whole school thing? I feel like it is really sort of dragging me down. Thanks for reading.

[saadia]

That sounds horrible, it would upset me too. Could you plan some fun things to do - trip to the cinema or a nice lunch and perhaps invite some different friends or maybe cousins?

[Simply]

I expect that it's a question of numbers i.e. the parents wanted to have just 10 children and your dd happens not to have one of the 10 three times? I agree that you need to not let it affect you especially if your dd isn't even aware of it. How are you feeling in yourself generally?

[dinny]

Thanks, Saadia - just feel so upset for her, really. Just don't understand why, basically. I mean, I don't understand why in relation to the girl I thought was a v good friend.

[dinny]

Simply, my reaction to it does honestly make me wonder - feel like crying even now.

was one of those horrible instances yesterday when another mum said "is X going to Y's party later?" I felt so stupid and upset! I had been resigned to her not going to the other two things as they are friends but not really close ones of hers.

[LIZS]

Any possibility it was an oversight or invitation went astray ? Try not to take it to heart, perhaps you just feel overstressed and sensitive atm . Since Reception parties have become increasingly selective often in relation to extravagance and type of activity.

[saadia]

Obviously it was a shock for you , as you thought they were very close friends. Are you certain that the invitation wasn't misplaced?

[dinny]

No, LIZS and Saadia, sadly not as I see her mum a lot, we are nearly neighbours.

[Simply]

dinny I can understand that. Sometimes when you're overtired or you're hormonally a bit out of kilter, things seem bigger than they are. Like I've told dh, he is amazingly hugely annoying one week a month but that's due to me, not him! He's actually just the same as normal, but sometimes I could raffle him that week! I wouldn't get anyone willing to buy the tickets of course....... Sorry, waffling on.

If someone asks if dd is going, be prepared to say "No, she hasn't received an invite" without being upset. Tell yourself you can let your feelings out at home later. That way, others will realise that dd has missed out and might be more inclined to choose her for their child's party when it's their child's b/d.

[dinny]

Thanks, Simply - my mum keeps telling me to not let such trifling things upset me but I am by nature stupidly sensitive.

[dinny]

and good tip to have some prepared phrase to say instead of standing there feeling so stupid!

[Simply]

Sorry, I had to go and make tea earlier.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Some people are more sensitive than others. It's not good to let it go unchecked though (or you might end up like a friend of mine who has become an "over thinker" i.e. she worries unnecessarily and far too much about very small matters) and it's good that you're talking it over here with others who can give a different perspective.

[dinny]

Thanks, Simply - so hard to keep a sense of perspective sometimes. I would love to be at work more in the week in a way, but I love spending time with my kids! Tempting to escape the whole thing via work...