PND - Anxiety- emetophobic

[funnybunny1]

I have never posted on here before but last night things came to ahead in my life and I had to confront the feelings I have tried to hide since I had my baby 7 months ago.

I used to be a successful workikng woman who has confidence, strength and was very outgoing. I could take on a challenge and succeed. Oh how I've changed!!!

On the surface my life is great. Fantastic DH, a 3 year old boy and a 7 month old boy.

My 3 year old woke with a sickness bug yesterday which threw me into a blind panic. I came clean to my DH about this almost debilitating phobia.

I then explained to him my feelings. There were lots of tears and he suggested I sat down on my own and bullet pointed how I was feeling. It took everything in me to put my feelings on paper and I plan to go and see soemone now. Trouble is I know there is no quick fix and I feel panicy, anxious and am terrified I am going to get this bug. My feelngs are consuming my life.

I thought I would share my feelings with you as I hate feeling this way.

Exhausted - mentally and physically
tearful
anxious panic
can't sleep properly
low self esteem
poor self image
scared
morbid irrational fears about sickness - can't cope with this one - terrifying
frightened of getting worse
guilty as so many peoples lives are far worse than mine
stupid.

Please share your stories with me - hopefully some positive outcomes of both PND and emetophobia.

[snowbodysfool]

Sorry to hear you are feeling so bad.
I suffered from un diagnosed pnd and still have my bad days bad days.I havent really got any advice but have you spoken to your gp?Maybe they could help in some way.Sending you lots of happy thoughts and hugs.

[Nbgdoesnthaveachristmasname]

funnybunny
please be assured that you are not on your own.
Having a phobia really can be debilitating and I know that I have gone through and still do, those feelings that you have posted.
I'm not an emetophobe but I have a phobia of other things to do with health etc.

There are a few people on MN who are emetophobes. I wont mention their names as it isnt fair I dont think but I am sure they will be here when they see this.

Have you been to see your gp about it?

[funnybunny1]

I am going to see my GP later today - dreading it.

[Nbgdoesnthaveachristmasname]

Well hopefully they will be able to offer some solutions for you. Be it some medication and or counselling.

Good luck.

[funnybunny1]

Well I've been to the GP and have been given anti ds (fluxotine) and 7 days worth of sleeping tablets (zimovane). I'm also waiting for HV to ring me back to arrange a visit so we can discuss therapy, counselling or whatever she deems appropriate.

I just hope to get life back on track as this feeling of despair and anxiety is like nothing I've ever experienced.

Regarding the emetophobia, I just don't know what to do. Any ideas? I keep telling myself I have two children who need me and they will get ill from time to time. I just have to deal with it - trouble is I just go to peices - pathetic I know but sometimes you just can't help these things.

[santaslittlepeatbogelf]

Awww, funnybunny, I feel for you. I didn't have emetophobia, but I had plenty of other anxieties with PND. I was also prescribed fluoxetine and it worked really well for me, but you'll probably need to give it at least a week to start working, so try not to worry if you don't notice any difference immediately.

In the meantime, I don't know what to suggest to help you with this stomach bug. Can your DH possibly take any time off work to help you while the ADs take effect? He sounds incredibly supportive.

Also, I had very useful therapy, so do consider that if you can get it in yr area or can afford to get it privately.

I also found cutting out caffeine and alcohol helped enormously -- and I LOVE my coffee.

I'm here for the next few hours, supposed to be working, but possibly not, if you want to chat more.

[funnybunny1]

Santa, Thanks for your message. Out of interest what type of therapy did you receive? When I see the HV I want to be equipped with as much info as possible.

I feel dreadful at the moment. DH is very supportive of me and has promised to be here if dcs get sick again. He is trying to juggle me, the kids and a job which carries a lot of responsibility. Poor man!

[santaslittlepeatbogelf]

I went to see a psychotherapist, a wonderfully calm and intelligent woman who was a godsend. The combination of her and the ADs worked brilliantly. I know lots of people also swear by CBT, and maybe somebody reading can tell you a bit about that ...

Hope tonight isn't too bad. How is your 3yr old ds?

[thegooseisgettingfat]

I feel like I could have written that post. I have been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder following a very bad birth earlier this year. Alot of the symptoms you describe are very similar to what you have said. I'm too thick to know what emephetobobia is but it doesn't sound too good - sounds like you have a phobia of people being sick/dying???? If that is the case then I can understand this as with PTSD I have a totally irrational phobia of dying and it seems like everywhere I look there are a million and one ways in which either I or the children could die. Therapy is helping me alot - I'm not too sure what the tablets are doing but they have helped a bit. Sounds like you definatly need to see someone for counselling - it does help just to talk to someone about everything thats on your mind - and even better when you leave feeling quite postive that someone undertsnads what you are feeling and can give you ways forward. They don't solve the problem for you but do make you look at things in a different way which helps to cope better. good luck - we can get through this I'm sure (big hugs)

[funnybunny1]

DS is better, although still off his food which is extremely unusual for him. He is due to go to playschool tomorrow but I've decided to keep him at home. Although it is over 48 hrs since he was last sick I want him to be back to normal before he goes back.

How long did you take ads for? Did you get your therapy on NHS or privately?

[santaslittlepeatbogelf]

I took Ads for about 6 months, which is the minimum they recommend. And I went private for the therapy as the waiting list in our area was long. I'm in central-ish London, and it was £40 per session (1 hour). I suppose I went to see her for about 6 months too (I don't even want to think about how much that comes to!)

I've got to head for my bed, but hope you have an okay night, and let us know how the meeting with the HV goes.

thinking of you.

[funnybunny1]

Thanks santa it really is helping to have people like yourself to talk to.

I too am heading off to bed as I have taken my sleeping tablet and will soon be in the land of dreams.

Will keep you posted. Good night x

[santaslittlepeatbogelf]

Any news, funnybunny? Have you seen yr HV yet?

[funnybunny1]

I've been taking the ads for 2 weeks now and I can't say that I've noticed much difference yet. I still have the most awful anxiety. Both children are ill again - this time with temperature and cold and because of my state of mind at the moment I'm almost panic stricken that it will result in another sickness bug - crazy I know.

My HV visited last week and suggested I get some rest and time to myself which is an absolute joke. Although DH is fantastic he works long hours. She's coming back this week with details of a PN Group which to be honest I can't face. It took me 7 months to tell DH how I feel, so what are the chances of me talking in a group. I think I may get some private therapy. Any ideas as to what is the most beneficial for PND and anxiety. Thanks

[amazonianwoman]

Just wondering how you are getting on funnybunny?

[funnybunny1]

I'm not doing too well at the moment. Thanks for asking though.

I've got an appointment with a phsycologist on Monday as the fluoxetine doesn't seem to be working particularly well and I just can't shake this awful anxiety. HV wants me to join a PN group but I just can't face it. The thought of sitting amongst a group of total strangers is enough to send me into a panic, so I thought I best see someone on a one to one basis.

My little boy woke up yesterday saying he had a tummy ache and I almost lost the plot. (inwardly of course - I try not to let the children see how I am feeling). With the reports of this tummy bug doing the rounds I can think of nothing else except what if the children get ill, how will I cope?

It is such a dreadul shame that I feel the way I do as I so wanted to enjoy these precious years with my children but I just feel like running away most days. Instead of being the normal capable person that I usually am I've become obssessive, depressed, anxious and totally overcome with emetophobia - definitely NOT the kind of mother I wanted to be.

I am desperate to put this behind me and move on, so I've decided to get some private treatment. My husband continues to be fantastic, coming home from work earlier when he can, working from home once a week and promising to be on hand if the children are ill.

My Mum has some health issues of her own at the moment, but I am having trouble getting her to understand my situation. All she seems to see is that I have a good life, no money worries, two fab kids, a husband who adores us and is totally devoted to his family, a comfortable home and everything in life to look forward to. She doesn't seem to understand that I am unwell and that is frustrating and she says I'll feel better when the weather gets better and spring is here. I don't think she knows what to say to me to be honest. Oh god I've just read this back and I am rambling...sorry!

I'm afraid that I will feel like this forever!

[blanki]

Hey funnybunny, sorry you are having such a difficult time at the moment. I am sure if you approach therapy openly and honestly things will get much better quite quickly. As well as other therapy, I have done lots of work with CBT (cognative behavioural therapy) I was having very irrational thoughts and the cbt has you write them down in a systematic form like way, where you have to challenge your thinking and look at the practical, probable side of what you are thinking. Its good to write things down. When in a panic, thoughts can race. You can only write one thing down at a time and it can help focus. Can go and look for some more stuff if you are interested?
Remember, its only panic, its not real. I know this seems impossible in the midst of it all. But it may help talking yourself out of the irrational and fighting to get logic back.
Pleased to hear dh is supportive and you can be open with each other. Re your mum, its hard to understand others phobias, they seem trivial. I hope she is ok and gives you the space to recover.
It sounds like you are a very organised woman, you just need to organise your thoughts. I hope that you are able to do this soon and you will have all your energy for dcs. It is a magical time. Im hoping the magic will only grow as ds (2 1/2) gets older and explores more. You'll be alright, you are doing all the right moves. Take care

[funnybunny1]

Blanki, thank you so much for your kind and helpful words. You have hit the nail on the head. I am an organised person and yes my mind is in chaos. Perhaps that's how I need to explain it to my mum, the PND just compounds things further. Panic is not real -I will try and hold onto that thought. The therapy sounds interesting, I will talk to the pshycologist at our first meeting on Monday.

I am just so tired of feeling like this. Still I'm off to London for the day tomorrow with my mum. My DH is driving us to London and we will spend the day shopping and seeing a show - without children! Tomorrow will be a better day.