I CAN'T COPE ANYMORE

[feelingglum]

I am feeling so low...at this moment in time i'm at home with my baby girl in bed and my partner out god knows where. I should be happy with everything but i just want to run away and i'm feeling like it more and more just recently. My partner has just started a new job as an estate agent and i want to be happy for him but i just feel threatened and jealous. I'm at home all day with my 18 week old girl while he's out and about meeting people and making something of himself. I should be happy for him but i just feel rubbish.He sold his first house today and i didn't even congratulate him, hence him storming out. I don't want to be envious, i'm scared he'll leave me for someone thinner and more beautiful than me. I feel so ugly and worthless. I just want to run away from all this. I'm not good enough for him or my baby girl.

[oreGOREnianabroad]

Oh, dear!
I hope it helps you to know that many, many, many new mums feel something similar.

The best advice I can offer is to tell your partner how you feel -- maybe even show him what you have written?

Also, I recently started an evening class to get me out & about -- it has helped a lot, I feel more confident and able to cope with the rest of the week.

My thoughts will be with you.

[feelingglum]

I sound so pathetic don't i. I don't want to eat or anything and i just cry all the time. I put on a brave face and tell everyone i'm ok when really i need somebody. But i don't want people to think i'm a failure as mum and as a person.

[oreGOREnianabroad]

Sorry, I can't remember how the hell to get rid of my Halloween name.

It sounds like you need to talk to the people around you -- I'm sure they will tell you what a great job you are doing and hopefully help you get the rest you need.

I agree with Psycho that if it is this bad, you should talk to your HV (mine comes for a cuppa about 1x a month just so that I can talk -- she is the only person I can tell that I feel like a failure) or your GP.

Also, do you know any other mums? contact Sure start or any other mum& baby groups in your area (your local council should have a list). Being able to talk to other mums who are going through it can help too.

Most of all, you are not pathetic and you are not a failure. You are going through a dramatic change (physically as well as emotionally) and you need some support.

[Santasmissyontheside]

I was like this after my dd1 and i have to say it got better. What did you do before having dd? It didn't help me with the fact that i work with dh so he would come home chatting about all our friends etc. I felt left out sad fat depressed and angry. I have just had my dd2 and this time i know it gets better i was prepared for this down bit. Talking to my dh about how i felt was really hard but made things so much better.

[feelingglum]

I have spoken to him but i think he's finally had enough of my ever changing moods and jealousy. I'm pushing him away and its the last thing i want to do but i just can't help it. I really just want to run away from all this. I find it hard being a mum, I love her but i always feel i'm doing everything wrong.

[feelingglum]

I think your right. I need to speak to someone i feel won't judge me like my family will. I'll ring the HV tomorrow because if i don't do it soon i think i'm gona have a break down or something. My head is constantly spinning.

[oreGOREnianabroad]

Sorry to shout but

YOU NEED A DAY OFF.

FAST.

[Santasmissyontheside]

Talk to someone even me if you like hollienovell at hotmail.com

[oreGOREnianabroad]

Do you have anyone that can take the baby for you for an hour or 2 so you can do something just for you? (I don't know what floats your boat or what is in reason financially: a trip to the library, coffee shop, saloon, shoe store, museum, spa???)

[feelingglum]

Thanks for your advice i really do appreciate it. Its nice to know that there is someone out there that can hear about how i feel and actually care about what i have to say

[oreGOREnianabroad]

sorry, salon, although saloon might work too in this case!

[ScoobyDoo]

I felt like this after having my dd not really with ds though.

You need to talk to someone, speak to your health visitor it was the best thing i ever did, they are fully understanding & will help you & you will feel so much better to get it all out i did. You must be honest with her though, let her know whats happening.

If you ever feel like you want to chat you can contact me scooby24 @ ntl worl dot com

[feelingglum]

I've got to take her for injections friday at the doctors so i'll speak to someone then. I went to baby massage today which was nice as i was out of the house but i don't drive which is a bit of a problem, but i am taking lessons once a week if that counts as time to myself! And oreGORE the saloon sounds v. good to me

[feelingglum]

Thanks so much everyone... he's just come through the front door now so i'm going to go. I think i need a bath to calm down. Thanks again for the advice.

[oreGOREnianabroad]

Driving lessons can be stressful tho (but it's great you're learning!) -- what about something more relaxing?

I would go absolutely insane if I didn't get out of the house every day. I get up, try to put on make up, and go out every day, even if it's only a trip to the shops.

[Hassled]

Good luck - and please do talk to someone. And don't feel that feeling like this is your fault or in anyway not normal. My oldest is 20 now, but I still vividly remember those first few months as some of the worst of my life - relentless hard work, the constant fear that I was cocking everything up and awful loneliness, despite friends, DP etc. It DOES get better, and you'll be fine.

[Santasmissyontheside]

Ok 1- talk to dh when if gets home! 2- talk to hv or i spoke to my doc didn't ever see a hv with dd1 after first few days. 3- go to salon get hair done maybe nails? 4- get new clothes that helped me feel better actually wearing clothes that fitted! And remember we're all here too!

[Meeely2]

feelingglum - i am on msn right now if u want real time [email protected]

I felt like this after my twins, they are now 3 and i would say i am 'stable'!

[ScoobyDoo]

Just looked at your pics, your twins are gorgeous meely & that pic with chicken pocs is soo bad

[monkeybutler]

Hi feeling glum. I was like this after DD 5 years ago, still bad when fell pregant with DS when DD was only 9 months old. It never got better (although I thought it had) and when DS born I crashed big time. Took me 2 and a half years to realise that what I was going through was PND and to get help. Nearly lost marriage and mind. On prozac now but still drink heavily to escape the boredom of a life at home. Desperate to go back to work but cant till next Sept when DS goes to nursery. Just want to be me again.

[Meeely2]

thanks scoobs - it was a scary few days bless him - i will take those pics off actually,will scare the bejeezus out of new mums to be!

Feelingglum, I am home alone tonite with a curry and some wine - i'll be on msn and MN, so say hi if you are around......

[oregonianabroad]

FG,
where are you?? Are you feeling better?