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Mental health

Having to give up our dog

16 replies

TwoIfBySea · 29/10/2004 23:45

This at first view may seem trivial but I am broken hearted. We have a 8 month old pup, have had him since 8 weeks. Since we got him it has been a struggle dealing with him and ds twins. DH had promised to be the main carer and trainer but this hasn't happened. I had said I wanted to get a pup but to wait until ds twins were in nursery (hopefully January) but DH wanted this pup.

Worse is, we got him from a rescue centre. Both of us are previous dog owners so know what is what. He is a lovely dog but very destructive, puppy-style but also because I can't spend enough time with him during the day. DH phoned the rescue centre tonight and they agreed we are doing the right thing in letting him have a better life.

So DH is feeling guilty, I am having to cry in private because I don't want ds twins to see something is up. Because he is feeling guilty we have had a huge fight and he is behaving like an a* when I need a shoulder to cry on.

I am guessing we won't be able to get another dog, I had wanted the boys to grow up with pets like I did, to learn responsibility for other animals. God, this is so horrible and anyone reading this is probably thinking "loony bin material." I feel I have let everyone, especially the dog, down.

Luck should turn up every now and again but it never seems to.

OP posts:

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pamina3 · 29/10/2004 23:51

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cardigan · 29/10/2004 23:52

This is sad - but twins & a pup are a lot to deal with. Could you get another pet that is less intensive - rabbit, gerbil until the ds twins are older and then get a dog that will be fortunate to have 2 dog walkers needing pocket money!!

sykes · 29/10/2004 23:52

I feel so sorry for you, do know how you feel. It's awful but I'm sure the dog will have a lovely life somewhere else with people who have more time. Having twins must be so difficult. My rescue dog died last year. We're looking for another dog now - sorry don't think I'm helping but realise that he/she will get a lovely home - I know it doesn't help you as you'll miss your dog but maybe when the twins are older you can try again. And you haven't let the dog down AT ALL - you're doing the best for the dog and he's had a wonderful start with you. Lots of love, I know how you feel - animals men so much. Sorry again if this is crap. But you're doing the right thing.

dawnie1 · 30/10/2004 00:09

(((((BIG HUG)))) You are not looney bin material at all and this is certainly not trivial. I have 2 doggies who I adore and would be devastated if I had to let them go. I don't have any advice but just wanted you to know that.

carla · 30/10/2004 00:15

TIF, No, no, no. You musn't consider yourself a bad dog owner!!! I had my (shitty) kitty for lst a month, before I let her come home from the cattery, then months later I couldn'd choose between (A) putting cat into cat's home or (B) rehousing her. We rehoused her, the day later they told us she couldn't be rehoused: now we've got her forever

carla · 30/10/2004 00:24

Sorry, that was me being all T&E. We had to put her down about a month after dd1 was born. It was hard. Now she's at the back of our garden, forever.

sykes · 30/10/2004 00:32

I had my wonderful horse put down two years ago, it still makes me cry.

suedonim · 30/10/2004 00:44

You've done the right thing, TIBS, both for yourselves and for the pup and haven't let anyone down. Imo, dogs are heavy-duty pets and very hard to deal with when you have a young family. We have a 10yo dog and even though my youngest child is now 8yo, I still find it difficult to cope with the dog, she often seems like the last straw, so needy and demanding. We also have three cats (that's the first time I've typed three instead of two - we acquired a kitten last weekend, I'm the one who needs her head read!!) and I find them much easier to fit into family life. I guess at heart I'm not a dog person, really, but I honestly don't think you should blame yourself one bit.

Freckle · 30/10/2004 09:47

I had to do this a few years ago. We got a pup to be a companion to our other dog who was beginning to slow down. It was great whilst we had both dogs, but then the older dog died suddenly from cancer and the pup needed more and more attention. I had 3 children under the age of 6, with the youngest only being about 18 months old, and I just didn't have the time to spend with the pup. He became more and more destructive and needy and, in the end, dh not being a dog person at all, it became a choice between the dog and my marriage.

I contacted a labrador rescue centre and he was re-homed with an older couple with grown up children, the sort who only book holidays where they can take their dog with them, etc. I sure he's having a much better life now, but the decision at the time was one of the hardest I've ever had to make.

We now have a rescue dog, who is great, but my children are quite a bit older, so I can devote a bit more time to the dog.

So, don't feel bad. You've made a brave and self-less decision.

WigWamBam · 31/10/2004 07:34

You haven't let anyone down, especially the dog - you are doing the right thing in rehoming him and letting him go to a home where his new owners will have the time to spend with him that you can't. Being a puppy the rescue centre will have no difficulty at all in rehoming him.

You'll be able to have another dog, perhaps not just yet, but when life is a bit less hectic for you. What about an older, calmer dog, or even a cat who wouldn't take quite so much hands-on attention?

I hope things work out for you.

TwoIfBySea · 31/10/2004 22:33

Thanks folks.

I am feeling a lot better now although I can't look our dog in the eye and when I am close to him I feel like bawling my eyes out. My dream would be that when the boys are older to get another dog so thank you Freckle, for your story on how it gets better! We are both dog people and have owned dogs in the past.

DH phoned the rescue centre and they have a book where you can put your dog's photo and details in and we get to meet the people who will get him. That has made me feel so much better as I hated the thought of dumping him and his feeling abandoned.

I know it is for the best and to hear others have been through it is comforting.

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Branster · 31/10/2004 22:40

Oh dear TwoIfBySea...this is not at all trivial. i understand exactly how you must feel. but do you really have to give it away? I know at 8months old they are really trying the puppies, but he'll be so, so much better in 6 months time. Just think of all the walks ypou can take with the children and DH. poor you and DH...I'm sorry you have to let him go but maybe you're doing teh right thing. I'm sorry I cannot be more supportive, I just wanted to let you know I can understand how you're feeling.
Take care

throckenholt · 01/11/2004 09:15

I don't see why you can get another dog in a year or so. You both have experience with dogs, so you know what you are doing, and the kids will be older then.

You just made a mistake this time round by falling in love with a cute puppy at a bad time. For his sake it is probably best to let someone else have him - give him the time he deserves.

We have a dog who we had before the kids, we now have 3 year old and 21 month old twins - the dog has been a big negelcted over the last couple of years - but now we are coming out the other side - kids playing with the dog, and being able to take her for walks with us.

Don't rule out having a dog later - it will be great for your boys to grow up with a pet.

Branster · 04/11/2004 12:21

Hi TwoIfBySea! I was wondering how you are. Are you feeling better about all this? Just try and look at the positive aspect: the puppy will benefit more from getting more attention from someone else who has the time for it. He'll be fine. I hope you're OK

TwoIfBySea · 05/11/2004 22:36

Thanks for asking Branster, the ad is in at the rescue centre for him as he just isn't getting the attention he needs and it is stressing everyone out. I hope we can get a good family for him soon as I worded it so people would realise why we are giving him up and what his personality is like.

DH and I just feel horrendously guilty, knowing it is for the right reason but I just never thought I would ever give up on a pet. I had a dog growing up but my parents got her when I was 6, I think that was a better age.

I suppose it is just the latest in a long line of things not turning out the way I had hoped.

OP posts:

MunnzieB · 05/11/2004 23:16

i'm with dawnie on this one, I could never give my two dogs up, even once kids do come along and DH is away. I'd be heart broken. could you try behavourial classes with him, (solid rubber toys and bones help with dogs and chewing)

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