I'm pregnant, my dp is an arse and I don't know what to do :(

[sostuck]

I am so torn I am 8 weeks pregnant with my second child, which was not planned. I was on the pill but was quite poorly which apparently stopped it working. I have been with my dp for more than 2 years. I have one dc who is 3, and I am not with her dad, though i have a great relationship with his family. Dp is being a total child about this pregnancy.. He is insistent that I get rid of it, and keeps making excuses as to why he can't make time to come and discuss it with me. This has been going on for more than a month now I know that I am better off without him, he has never been great at responsibility and this has just proved it to me. But I am having trouble seperating my feelings about him and my feelings about the pregnancy. I am so angry with him and that makes me want to get rid. But then I think of the joy my dc brings me and I think that I should keep it. This is a very simplified version of my actual feelings, but I am having a very difficult time trying to think sensibly about this. What can I do to make this clearer? Or will I never know what the 'right answer is ?

[Wisteria]

Sostuck - I'm not surprised you feel confused. What a git for not 'making time' to discuss it with you.

Do you have any trusted friends that you can discuss this with? Someone that knows you very well, maybe your ex's parents if you have a good relationship with them, they may be able to give you a different perspective. To be honest from what you've said he sounds like a waste of time to me anyway but there is always more to it than that - your feelings being the main one. You could go and see your GP if you have a sympathetic one, I spent 20mins with mine recently and he was moreorless counselling me into a decision about whether or not to try for number 3.

It's a very hard choice for anyone to contemplate but I would urge you to try to picture your life with him not in it and see if you would want his child in that instance.

List the things in importance to you, whether it's your feelings on abortion, being a single Mum with 2 dcs, the financial implications (would he support you?) etc.

There are plenty of wise souls on here who maybe able to provide more helpful words of wisdom sp keep posting and you may find a way through xx

[wornoutbyarguing]

dear sostuck.
you poor thing I had exactly the same with my sons father but thought sod it,its my baby and although it took a while to get over the hurt and rejection I am glad I did.although he is a pain in the butt at the moment he is 17 and I have never regretted it.its hard to seperate the feelings and pain.
only you can make the decision and I wish you the best of luck xxxxxx

[orangehead]

If you get rid of the baby because he wants you to or to keep him it will probably ruin your relationship with him anyway. I imagine you will feel very guilty because it wasnt what you wanted and I imagine you will probably blame him. You say you know your dc bring you joy and I think you right, just try not to make a rash decision or a decision in angry because you will regret it. Maybe this is showing his true colours or maybe he is truly shocked and panicing. I think possible having serious chat will reveal what is really going on with him. I know it scarey the prospect of being a single parent (im also one)but if neccessary you will cope and if he cant support you in this you probably find you are better of without him. I hope you make the right decision

[kittywitch]

Poor you, what a distressing situation to be in. Do you have anyone in RL you can turn to for help and support/
As far as keeping the baby is concerned only you know what you want to do. I think you have to consider whether you will be coping alone, without the father, whether you can cope alone. try to separate your feelings about the pg from you feelings about the baby's father.
I hope you manage to find a solution that makes you happy.
He sounds like a child himself, I would say get rid, but that's not helpful. However, I'm sure you could find better, it wouldn't be hard by the sounds of it

[MotherFunk]

Message withdrawn

[Wisteria]

Motherfunk for you. I nearly did it but then fate intervened and I miscarried 2 days before the abo - cried my eyes out for ages even so.

I don't think you can possibly understand the effects of having one until you do it (especially if you have dcs already) but sometimes it is for the best for you and your children.

[MotherFunk]

Message withdrawn

[Wisteria]

Sostuck - how are things today?

Keep posting if we can be of any help/ support/ sounding board/ rant accelerator etc....

Wisty xx