I'm sucha failure, wtf do I do now???

[crappestmotherever]

For the last 4 yaers approx, my 16yr old DD has been self harming and attempting suicide on almost a weekly basis and spent the past year in an acute unit to try and help her get to the bottom and resolve her issues. When she's home she's been very violent, aggressive and demanding and generally very hard work to be around.

I have a 15 yr old DS too who is the complete opposite of her, easy going, relaxed, peaceful and no trouble whatsoever. until last week. He took a huge overdose and spent 2 days in intensive care followed by 3 days in a high dependency unit and was initially not expected to survive. ?Thankfully he's ok and has been sent to another hospital to have his mental health assessed.

He told his therapist that the reason he took the OD is because he feels ignored at home. I can sympathise with that because my daughter takes up an awful lot of time and attention but lately i've been tryng to redress the balance.

I just keep thinking what a shite parent I am cos I have not just one but two kids who think they're better off dead than being with me and I realy don't know what to do anymore.

[colditz]

They don't really think they are better off dead than with you. I used to scream that I wished I'd never been born, I used to run away, I used to order my parents to split up, I told my mother that she made me wasnt to die .... why?

because I have in inately volatile personality, I suffer a LOT when my hormones are imbalanced, and I was spoilt. It's nothing they did wrong, I was just like that. I'm very prone to depression now, I am still very volitile, but I do remember feeling intensly miserable at the age of 3 - for no reason whatsoever. I am capable of deep misery, for not very much reason. Maybe your daughter is the same.

It's not your fault your daughter has taken up a vast amount of your time - and your son's reaction was probably learned, not a response of desperation - for four years he's watched your daughter successfully corner your attention with certain behaviors, and he probably decided (subconsciously, most likely) to try it himself.

[crappestmotherever]

Thank you for that colditz.. I think you're right, my daughter sounds a lot like you've described. I'm just at a loss to know how to help them both, and to be frank after 4 years of it I'm exhausted

[crappestmotherever]

jsut has a row with my Oh cos he said it is my fault that my son nearly died and he's sick of all the drama and is ready to pack up n leave so I told him to fuk off

jesus why do i always have to do stuff on my own

[wornoutbyarguing]

dear NOTcrappestmotherever big hugs to you.xxxxxxxxxxx
not only is parenting the hardest job in the universe,families are incredibly complicated.
there are many services available for care and you need all the support YOU can get.

I dont know where you live but there should be someone who can give you the counselling you need.it is not your fault this has happened ,sometimes things just do.

coping with it is very hard,I feel embarrased that I was begging for advice last week to cope with all my own adolescent sons problems on mums net because when you are living the problem you cant see an end to it.
please ask gp ,social worker for help if you havent to give you the time to talk and your oh.
I hope your son recovers soon and your daughter will find her own way but please remember you need to look after yourself too.

wish I could give you an answer.
dont give up on yourselfxxxxxxxxx

[wornoutbyarguing]

hope things are a bit better for youx

[crayon]

I wish I could help or give some advice in some way, but I'm afraid I don't have any experience in this area - I just wanted to reply to say that I hope things have improved. Don't give up XX