Still feeling depressed

[CantCopeWontCope]

I posted last night here about how I was feeling and today is exactly the same. I got some lovely replies back so thanks to those who replied but it's just nice to come on here and get everything out in the open, off my chest - something I would never do in RL.

One thing that bugs me is that everyone (especially my mother) seems to overlook the fact that i'm depressed. Last night I was in floods of tears, she asked, really abruptly what was wrong, I told her loads of things were on my mind, she huffed angrily, walked off and slammed the door behind her. I am really on the edge. I don't mean to upset anyone but I was doing the pots last night and got a knife to my wrist. I really wanted to end it and dug the knife in but was scared of the pain before I might die. I've taken overdoses, about 4 since January, my only saving grace is probably my weight which means the tablets didn't effect me the way it would a thinner person. I'm 20, still young and I want to feel like I want to live, but feel it would be better I died and was with people who really meant something to me and who I know where the only people I meant something to. I am tired of being ignored in my own house. I may as well be invisible. The other nag I have is that my mother has a step-son from her partner who lives away with grandparents and other extended family. They are going to see him soon and she has bought loads, and I mean loads of toys and gifts for him and my step-fathers family and constantly thinking of ways to impress them. I think they're all she thinks about and I must admit I am envious of them, how they get all her attention and I get zero. I am crying out for help. I need it when all I think about is how I can commit suicide effectively but i'm just pushed aside as a nobody. Even if I'm in a room at home, no one comes in to sit with me. When I go in the room, they go to another room. I'm not depressive around people, I am aware that may put them off, but I smile, I'm happy and I joke around, having a laugh. I can't concentrate on my studies anymore. It's an animal care course, long-distance learning through computer so I dont get to socialise there. I want to become a vet. Thats my aim in life, probably my one reason to live as I am very good at it (singing my own praises ) but I just wish I had one person in RL to know I can trust, to talk to etc but no. I am constantly alone. Like I mentioned, this is just to get it off my chest so I don't mind if no-one replies. Thanks for 'listening' to my tales of woe though!

[glaskham]

i know exactly how you feel, i have scars on my wrists from where i did cut myself and could have died if my sister hadn't found me- those scars are there to remind me every day of how stupid i was......

i also had very bad post-natal depression after having my daughter...i found it so hard coping with two under 2's and housework, cooking cleaning etc.....i tried asking ym mum to come and help a little with some washing and maybe a bit of hoovering or something and she used to come and play with the kids and expect me to do the houseworkand make her brews too......i was so upset- if she'd come to do some bits and bobs around the house to help me then it wouldn't have bothered me, but she'd tell me this needs cleaning, that needs cleaning and all in the time i was missing with my own kids.....

i was in pieces for weeks, then i started taking my kids to toddler groups and meeting others who lived nearby.....it made me realise people cared about me having friends who cared!!

if i'd known about this then i would have been on here for support and advice......it has been nice to get things off my chest from so long ago- i am all well now and live a normal happy life every day- there is light at the end of the tunnel, and it just takes meeting the person who apreciates you to show you that!!!

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

[wurlywoo]

Hi, I am sorry that you are feeling like this. I am going to be no help myself as currently severely depressed myself and dp has said he is going to leave because of it.

I know exactly feels when someone gets angry with you when you are so upset and crying and you need help it makes you worse.

I understand your desperation, have you had regular counselling? this is what I need to do and I am going to sort it out tomorrow.

What does your RL consist of? do you have a network of friends and family someone you can go to?

I am really sorry that you feel like this, I know what you are going through and I am sorry that I am a bit useless and no help. But I am sending you a huge anyway to let you know that you are not alone...

[Shannaratiger]

Thanks, having read this i think that i am also depressed. Am not sure what to do about it at the moment. if i tell my partner he will automatically think it is his fault, which will make me feel even more guilty. At the moment i am crying/ feeling guilty about having to put my ds,1 in the buggy twice a day to take my dd,4 to & from playschool! Luckily i have a lovely health visitor who i think i will speak to. sorry this won't help u feel better, but hopefully we can all get the help we need and pull thru' this together.