I'm worried I may have PND

[arethereanynicknamesnotinuse]

I have been sitting here for an hour now trying to work up the courage to post this, and yes I have changed my name for this.

I am really worried that i may have PND or just plain old depression.
I have 3 dc's aged from two to 6 months, they are all at home with me full time and recently I am finding every day a struggle.

There is alot going on at the moment in my life, my husband is a builder and the house that we are living in we have been doing up our selves, and recently we have just brought a new house (that also needs doing up) now I know there are people who don't even have a roof over thier head so why the hell am I so unhappy?

It's not that me Dc's are terrible or anything but 2 of them have very bad evenings and seem to cry from 5 onwards for no reason, they won't have nap's and just never seem to be happy at this time in the evening, which is putting a huge strain on Dh and I, I can't do everything by myself, but dh needs to get this house finished before we can rent it out, so he comes home from work and start's working on this place while I do the dinner and try and stop the kids from moaning.

My eldest dc is 2 and like any 2 year old she doesn't leave me alone, i can't even wee without her popping in, and recently I have been finding it really hard to keep her entertained ALL DAY, i am constantly watching the clock waiting for it to be time for her nap so I can have a bit of peace.

I usually have my mum or dad over for a couple of hours one or two day's a week, but they are on holiday at the moment, so I am by myself, which i thought was going to be a good thing, because the new house that we have broguth is not in the area that we are in now, so it will give me a chance to see how I get on on my own.

Well to say the least I am just about managing. I feel like I need a break from the kids from DH, from my life.
I did actually go out last weekend for the first time in a year and I actually felt like a real person for once, I actually had an identity I wasn't just mummy.
I feel so guilty that I feel this way cause I love my kids so much, but I am just finding it so hard to be happy at the moment.

I feel like I am a failure aswell because i know there are people who are in alot more dificult situations than me and they can cope, so why can't I.
My dh is pretty useless and I can't really talk to him, even if I could I don't think I would because I don't want everyone to see what a mess I am, i should be able to do this.

I don't know, I know I should go see my doctor or something but I don't want to admit my feelings to anyone, I just feel like i have completly failed.
I don't want this to be PND, how will I look people in the eye knowing that I can't cope at the one thing I should be able to do.

[liath]

Please don't feel a failure - there seems to be so much pressure on women to "cope" while looking after very small children on their own and it's such an unnatural thing. - humans are designed to live in family groups where childcare is shared, not stuck on their own for hours a day, no wonder it gets so stressful and claustrophobic.

Re PND or not - I guess depends on whether you are feeling disproportionately down, or very anxious. How are you sleeping? Appetite? Do you have a good GP or HV you could chat to to try and see if it@s PND or not?

[geordiemacmummy]

I wouldnt worry about people being "worse off than you", it sounds like you have a lot to cope with. Is there anyone that can help you out for even a couple of hours at a regular time every week for you to have some time to yourself - even if its only for you to have a bath or go out and ge5t a coffee?

I feel like you do sometimes, we have no family round here so I dont get a break - and I nly have 1 - god knows what its like with 3!!!

I think you should makw an appointment to see your doctor or hv.

[arethereanynicknamesnotinuse]

I sleep ok, but mainly because I am up at 6, my dc's were sleeping though the night but recenlty they have been waking at verious time for no reason.

Another thing that I meant to say was that everyone talks the piss out of me because I go on the internet everyday, (only when my dc's are asleep), but it is now getting as though I need to come on and chat so I can escape my real life, I don't get out that much with the dc's on my own because it is a complete disaster when I do, it is just easier to stay at home, at least then I can stick to my same routine.

[arethereanynicknamesnotinuse]

I am so forgetful, I was supposed to say that it seems that I am always only seconds from tears, if someone say's the wrong thing to me like "how are you feeling" I just want to burst into tears.
I cry at stupid thing's on the t.v, at people who seem happy, because i am not and at peole who are sad because that is how i feel.
I cried at what not to wear last night.

[geordiemacmummy]

You shouldnt worry about peope taking the piss... jut say, when they have looked afyter 3 kids under 2 for a few weeks then they can critisise!!!

I get emotional sometimes, I think we all do, but if its becoming more frequent the I really think you should speak to someone!!!

[CaptainDippy]

OMGoodness - I could so have written all of that, honey - DO NOT feel guilty, I think the way you are feeling is perfectly reasonable considering the huge strain you have on you, emotionally and physically atm - Don't underestimate your sitation sweetheart - You have 3 very young children with you full time and two houses to "do up" among other things ......

I haven't got much time as DD3 has just fallen asleep and I neeeeeeeed to have a shower before I go out for the morning; but I'll type more when I get the opportunity, I promise.

For now I am sending you LOADS of huggles and letting you know you are not the only one who feels the way that you do - I have been worried about PND recently too - just feel so out of control and anxious about everything all the time, is horrid. The state of having too many vey young children, I tihnk!!? xxxxx

[zazas]

This is to KHIN and C I think that you are both feeling down rather than depressed (IMHO)... You have alot and I mean ALOT on your plate. Little ones are relentless in their needs and there is only 1 of you to provide them all. So stop thinking you are a failure - you are both doing a wonderful job providing your babies with love and security.

However it doesn't mean that you are 'happy' - it is such hard work and such a drain on you. i know that you are both very young (well compared to me ) and you are still discovering yourself as a woman. I should imagine that your own identity is lost at the moment which is hard as you are only just discovering it!

I can look back now at that stage with my friends with all our small children and we call it the 'dark years' - it was relentless and tedious and hard going BUT it does pass. And of course we now remember the wonderful bits.

The trick is how to survive that passing of time while still remaining sane and keeping all your relationships nurtured including the one with yourself!

I am no expert but in my experience these things helped!

• a friend to talk to and laugh with about the madness of it all
  
• taking help from anyone who offered and asking it from those who didn't
  
• not expecting or doing too much - kids don't need to be run around doing things - they like being at home!
  
• getting out every day for fresh air regardless of the weather
  
• writing down how you are struggling to your DH - he needs to know and reminded how you need help and this often works to get their attention without you talking to him and crying instead!
  
• looking ahead to the future - making plans and knowing that time will pass and it does so quickly and you will find your dc all at school one day and you will go back to a quiet home and think where did those years go.
  
  Other than that 'mummy juice' (red wine!) at 6pm always took the edge off it all

[SharpMolarBear]

nicknames, I'm sorry I don't have any advice but I just wanted to send some fairly useless hugs xx

[MyEye]

the thing is, the boundary between just 'feeling down' and PND is so hazy, I'd hesitate to suggest it might be one or other. Yes, you've got loads on your plate, but having loads on your plate certainly doesn't exempt people from getting depression. Quite the reverse.

Agree with GMM who suggested you talk to your GP/HV. Just speaking to someone can make a real difference. It's totally OK to feel like this... whatever the reason. Also, I have no way of knowing if you have PND or not, but having it does not make you a bad mother/person IN ANY WAY. I had it, it landed on me, but I refuse to feel ashamed of it iyswim.

Also, keep posting, won't you?

[mammyjo]

KHIN, I had pnd after I had ds. I felt totally helpless and guilty. I just wanted my old life back where I could come and go as I pleased, and not be chained to the house. When I look back, those were very dark days and I dont think you should underestimate yourself. Having three young children is really really hard work.
Do you have anyone that you can meet up with regularly for a chat. (I never used to want to leave the house, but always felt better when I did. I became virtually reclusive and cut myself off from my friends.)
I know that it feels like you should be able to cope, and actually you can cope, but in your mind you cant. Sorry, I know I am rambling, but I could have written your post a few years ago.

With your older dd, are there any playgroups locally that she might be able to go to? It would just give you a break for a couple of hours. Is there anyone (including your dh) that you could make a regular arrangement with so that you get a couple of hours of free time each week? Dont know if this would be possible, but it would give you some time to yourself, and also something to look forward to.

Thinking of you. Really do understand how you are feeling. Please keep posting. It does help to get your feelings into the open. My email address is on the list if you want to chat any other time rather than on here. Look after yourself

[mammyjo]

Sorry, I know that was a bit garbled, but you get the idea!

[NappiesLaGore]

ahhh, i had 3 under 3 too... he youngest is 20m now and by some mad coincidence, i just feel like im coming out from under a big black cloud...

the guilt of not coping is awful isnt it?

get this; i now have a nanny and a housekeeper...and i was still stressed to the eyeballs... (like i say tho, of recent late i feel like i have a large dose of my personality back, and a lot of that is down to the immense support i am v lucky to have)

no matter the circs of your life, it is ok to admit you are not coping at times. even if it is just on here where you know someone will say just the right understanding thing

re; talking to the doc... yes, give it a go, but please dont invest all your emotional wellbeing on the outcome. my gp is a lovely man, but he just didnt get it and i felt uterly deflated each time i saw him and came away without the help i felt i needed . try not to put on too much of a 'coping face' that might help!

you have an immense amount of stress going on ... perhaps instead of concentrating your pain on yourself and blaming yoursefl for not coping, you should cut yoursefl some slack, demand some help and make some changes to your routine which are totally for your benefit... simple things like taking the dc to a softplay place in the daytime when theres only other toddlers there so they can play in safe environment and you dont have to watch every single moment of each of them... will tire them out too and give you the break of them napping in the car on the way home perhaps!

keep posting. whatever your problem, whatever your needs, somebody here will ahve some answers which will help you.

peace baby - god knows you need some!!

[mammyjo]

Nicknames, how have you been?