OJ with everything you are going through just now i think you are amazingly strong. I think that depression can be triggered by events but i do understand your reluctance to go down the AD route as you do need to keep things together for your family. But honey, that is such a strain for you. What ADs were you on before? As you know, im on citalopram (just gone up to 40mg) i do feel a bit "away with the fairies" although that tends to be a) when im tired and b) when dp is around so i dont have to be on the ball for dd. This really has only been since ive been on 40mg. I just feel more able to cope, its weird, i had some difficult stuff to deal with about two years ago and it wasnt until it all was finished that the anxiety and depression hit me like a ton of bricks. Sorry, i dont want to waffle on about me, the point i guess im trying to say is, i have the pills and i dont feel distant and unresponsive, i feel more able to hold it together. To be totally brutally honest, i really dont know how the hell you cope and i admire you greatly, your family are so lucky to have you. Talk to your GP, see if he thinks some meds will help you through, i just wonder if they are easier to keep tabs on than the drink. The only thing is, drink is a no no when on the meds. I thought this was going to be a huge problem for me as i was doing about 4 bottles of wine a week, but strangely enough ive had no urge for alcohol whatsoever, even on a girls night out! I dont know if that is the effects of the drugs or because i am thinking i might react badly to it and it puts me off.
Anyway, not sure how much help that was, just passing on my experience of the meds as i remember you were kind to me on my thread.
Big hugs to you