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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Mental health

I have PND and its ruined everything, its all falling apart.

24 replies

julezboo · 12/09/2007 08:50

DP and I havnt been getting on. He told me this morning its over. Im in tears, I have kept DS of school to avoid the school run cos I cant face anyone. Feel like such a bad person. Ive pushed DP away with my moodiness. I dont know what to do anymore

OP posts:

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throckenholt · 12/09/2007 08:53

it sounds like your dp doesn't understand PND.

Can you get him to sit down rationally and talk through what the problems are ? He does have a child to consider now - who he is equally responsible for - not something he can easily walk away from.

julezboo · 12/09/2007 08:54

we have talked, he says Im destroying him and although it will hurt we will be happier in the long run. Im a horrible snappy person, I have pushed him away

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throckenholt · 12/09/2007 09:18

are you being treated for PND ? Does he understand what that means ?

Nemo2007 · 12/09/2007 09:22

aww julez
you know your not bad and you know there is an other side to this!!!! Talk to me hun

julezboo · 12/09/2007 09:29

yes Im on meds and Ive recently star CBT therapy. I just feel sick.

He told me last night thats he feels like he wants to hit me sometimes and it kills him to feel like that.

I know he would never do it.

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Nemo2007 · 12/09/2007 09:30

frustration on his part is very very normal. It is extremely hard to live with someone with depression. You have to watch everything you say and do and even then can still cause a flip out whether it be tears or tantrums. I know from both sides that it is extremely hard and stressful

biglips · 12/09/2007 09:31

julez - you two have been thru alot this year together and prob thats why youre feeling like this. Just hope you two can sort this thru together xx

julezboo · 12/09/2007 09:34

he seems determined its not what he wants anymore

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sweetbean · 12/09/2007 09:35

Julesboo

First im sending you a massive {{{{{hug}}}}}} ive struggled with depresion for a long time and had horrible pnd after my daughter but i want you to know that i will get better and your DP need to realise this as well. you won't feel like this forever and there are loads to med's out there that can help you. If your not being treated then go and see your doctor today !!! if you are being treated then go and see your doctor Today and tell him that your medication is not working !!!!!

I know that this won't be easy to hear but its not entirly your DP's falt that he feels like this, deppresion is a very self illness and as much as we don't won't to hurt the people closest to us we do everyday !!! and they can't understand because they have never felt depression themselves. I'm not blaming you at all !! Its not your fault that you have pnd and must always remember that you will get better!!

Wish you all the best and hope that you resolve all this. Maybe if you take your DP with you to the doctors so that the can see for himself that you are getting treatment and he can talk through his worries with the doc this might make things a little better

Good Luck hun im thinking of you xxxxxxx

Meeely2 · 12/09/2007 09:39

i think he is frustrated at not being able to help you. He probably feels useless and desperate. he doesn't understand PND, simply thinks by shouting the odds and ending it, it will shake you up.

Can you get an emergency apt with your councellor get some advice on how to deal with this. If he needs to get away for a bit, let him go somewhere to cool down. it will be doing you no good to stay in the same house at the moment.

your councelling WILL help but it needs time. I have been to two sessions and already I am managing to take a step back from my life when i feel myself loosing control. CBT will help you recognise the triggers and then how to deal with your emotions when you start to feel yourself slip.

I would spend today writing things down about how your feeling, get on the phone to your councellor or doctor get an appointment and talk to someone. Are you close to you DP's family? could you talk to them?

Take a deep breath and try as hard as you can to chill out. Write stuff down, maybe even a letter to your DP explaining how you feel and also how his actions make you feel.

Good luck and keep posting, we will help you through this.

julezboo · 12/09/2007 09:50

We have an appt with councillor tomorrow, together.

DP doesnt have any family, only his mum, she doesnt really like me tbh, we dont get on, well we do, but only to a certain extent, shes not really stable herself to be able to help DP deal with this.

I have a friend coming round at half 11. DP is in work today. He suggested we slept seperate last night for some space, spent the whole evening telling me he doesnt think he wants to save us, then around 11pm changed his mind and wanted to come up to bed with me. I was a bit unsure and told him so. Nicely. Well as nice as I could. This morning he says its because i dont seem bothered to save us.

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sweetbean · 12/09/2007 10:02

He can't put all the pressure on you !!!

He has to take some responsiblie and show you that he dose love you and that means more than just bding when he feels like it !!!!

julezboo · 12/09/2007 10:17

he said he wanted to cuddle to see if there was anything there.

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sweetbean · 12/09/2007 14:39

If his got problems there then i suggest viagra not divorce !!!!

Sorry to be flipent but he can have everything his way

sweetbean · 12/09/2007 14:40

THat was supposed to be CAN'T

lulumama · 12/09/2007 14:43

he is playing games, which is terribly unfair when you are in such a low place

saying he wants to sleep apart, possibly split, then want to cuddle you in bed, then saying it is your fault is just horrible

if he is having trouble coping with your depression, then he should get help, and support. surely the HP or CPN or even the counsellor could suggest a group or somewhere for him to offload, rather than him saying he wants to hit you.

what a horrible and sad situation.

maybe good idea to get someone else to take DS to school,so things are on an even keel for him? and so you and DP can talk

lucyellensmum · 12/09/2007 15:16

julezboo - i couldnt not post here. I feel for you i really do, as i am going through a similar thing. My DP has put up with my depression for two years now (we have been happy toether for 15). He cannot take any more, he has tried his best to understand and he was basically screaming at me to leave the other day. I think he is on the verge of a break down himself. Today i am going to the doctors to up my medication and to ask about getting him some help too.

Nobody who has not been depressed can possible understand the hell it puts you through and it is difficult for them. I do feel for your DP and i dont have any answers im afraid.

What i will say is this - he is willing to have joint counselling, that is fantastic (my dp wont even consider it) it shows he is at least willing to try. He is probably so frustrated with himself, after all, he is supposed to be looking after you, etc etc, but he can't and he cant deal with it.

Go back to the doctor tell her/him what is going on, see what they offer. Hang on in there, make your DP go to the doctor with you, that really helped when my doctor explained things to mine.

julezboo · 12/09/2007 20:38

LOL sweet! Thanks for making me smile!

Lulumama - thankyou, We are both going to the GP, me to get my meds upped and him to see if he can get something sorted about his anxiety.

Lucyellensmum - I posted on your thread the other day, How are things now? And thankyou for taking the time to post to me I do understand what your saying. I know how bad I can be especially when AF is due and happened to turn up 6 days early today!!

We have talked alot through email today (seems easier sometimes, we cant storm off, slam doors and see each others faces.

He admitted he only said it was over this morning cos he was hurting and didnt see any other way out, he was scared nothing will be the same again after what we spoke about last night.

Tonight we have sat down and had a nice pleasant evening with a chinese and a cuddle. He fed the baby and is putting the baby to bed so there is progress, I will keep posting if no one minds? I know we still have a long way to go! But I want to marry this man eventually and he does me!

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lucyellensmum · 12/09/2007 22:36

a chinese and a cuddle, that is good therapy i hope all goes well for you - this mn thing is a fab support network

daisyandbabybootoo · 12/09/2007 22:48

just caught this in active convos.

Julezboo, I think I may have crossed posts wiht you before

If not, I just want to say that I hope you get things sorted. Your DH needs to understand that this is not you, it's the depression and that he needs to be there and to be supportive of you while you get yourself sorted. It is very difficult though for the other half in a depressive relationship. I've had depression on and off since the birht of my DS five years ago and have just had a horrible pregnancy with AND and 3 months after the borth of my DD I'm still struggling. I'm getting myself sorted but it is taking time. DH has been great and it was he who dragged me back to the doctors at 32 weeks PG and who pestered the PN midiwves until I got a psych referral. i still have moments with him where I think he isn't being supportive because he hasn't said the exact thing I needed to hear. He finds this really hard as I couldn't want for a more supportive DH.

DH and I talk lots about what is going on and I suppose that is the key.

I hope things go well for you with the counsellor and you have enjoyed your cuddle . keep talking....to him and MN.

hugs to you

sweetbean · 13/09/2007 08:14

Hi Hun
How you doing this sunny morning hope all is ok with you,please keep us posted we are all thinking of you xxxxxxxx

julezboo · 13/09/2007 11:42

thanks sweetbean and daisy.
Me and DP had a lovely night last night. We have decided to takle one thing at a time. Today is The babys room, its all done and decorated ust full of crap so Im on a mission to clear it and at the weekend he will move into there. Hopefully will help his sleeping. And mine!

We are also gonna go the docs together. He put the boys to bed last night and let me have a nice bath.

Im feeling much more positive about things today though. Ive been and had a walk, done some housework, managed to get ds to school today using the excuse we had a flat tyre yesterday!

Thanks for the support girls, it means alot.

J x

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lucyellensmum · 13/09/2007 14:43

julezboo, i have to say, i really admire you. Spookily, we have a childs room just waiting to be done - although we have a few walls to move first but im sure that will help things no end

sweetbean · 13/09/2007 20:54

Glad to hear everything is setteling down for you good luck with the painting xxx

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