im new to mums net and could do with some advice

[kkym]

I really do not know where to start. i was advised to join mums net and talk to other mums who are prob going through or have been through what i am feeling. I had my first child 16 months ago and at first all was fine.my son is a very good little boy and still is has slept throughout the night since 6 weeks. i returned to work 8 weeks after i had him for various reasons like i had just been promoted at work to manager and for financal reasons. in the last few months i have felt very emotional and like now i am sat here crying and really do not know why. i do not have alot of support i do not speak to my family and my husbands family well i do not know how to explain just leave me out i guess. i feel very down and alone and i do feel i am a bad mum. i come home from work and all i want to do is sleep i have no energy to go with my son and i feel bad for that. i cant bring myself to go to the doctors as i do feel very silly. i cant explain really how i am feeling apart from down and i feel i am etting my son down deeply. i have tried talking to my husband about all the things i feel hurt about and he tells me i am silly. we have been recently fighting alot. any advice would be grateful. thanks

[merryberry]

hi kkym, welcome to mumsnet. you're not letting anyone down, you are trying to help yourself as a first step to sorting things out, bloody good on you. it's amazing you can do that while you feel totally wiped out, and down on yourself.

the last year or so may be catching up on you, especially after quickish return to work and a promotion! get down the gp and ask for tests of your thyroid and iron levels, which are often low in new mums and can contribute to how you feel. you need the knowledge that you are OK from a full physical check up to ensure you give yourself a level playing field if you have emotional stuff to deal with as well.

you've got a lot on your plate. one step at a time. get settled here. then gp. then look at rest of it.

[more]

You are not the only one feeling like this. I think it might be worth your while to go see your doctor and see if he/she can't help you.

The fighting with your husband is normal. We all feel like bad mothers every now and again. It is tireing trying to fit everything in to the day, especially if you are working full time on top of it.

Have you tried arranging with your husband that every second Saturday he gets to sleep late the other Saturdays you get to sleep late whilst the other one take out your DS.

Go out with some friends every now and again, even if it is just to the cinema or for a cup of coffee whilst your hubby takes care of your DS.

[Mumpbump]

Hi Kkym and welcome! It sounds as though everything is catching up with you. It's hard work being a working mother if you ask me. I would definitely get some blood tests done to check for anaemia. I have just had it for the first time in pregnancy and I could not believe how debilitating it is. You feel half-dead and it affects your state of mind as well, so merryberry's suggestion is very sensible. If there is a physiological reason, it should be easily treatable with some dietary supplements. If not, then you might need to consider how you can get some support to help you out...

[Mumpbump]

Oh and dh and I take it in turns to get up with ds at the weekends so we always get one lie-in each week which helps enormously to recharge batteries at the end of a working week.

[kkym]

hi meryberry

thank you for your responce. i have been to docs as i did have a thyriod problem and low iron but all that is ok and at normal levels. i just dont know how to deal with how i am feeling. i do feel very alone and fee people do not have the time of day for me. i also feel i push my husband away. we havent had any sexual contact for a year or so and i cant bear to think about it let alone actualy do it. i sometimes feel am i falling out of love with him to? i hate feeling all emotional and dont know where to start with it all. i feel illy going to doctors as th eday i feel ill go i feel fine. life hey!

[kkym]

thank you all for all replying and giving my advice. my husband prety good in that way. he lets me lie in quite often. the trouble is i can be asleep all day. to be honest when im asleep all my problems are gone so when i ow which is all the time haha all i do is sleep

[merryberry]

kkym, i am off out til tonight. i'll check up on here if i'm awake enough on return! many mmorepeople with much more experience will be around, you'll see.

sounds like you know a fair bit about how you feel: isolated and isolating yourself from everyone, not worth much (not even GP care), not able to relate to the ones closest to you. Guilty. these feelings must make it really, really hard to ask for help. again congratulations for starting up here.

you've posted on a depression thread: do you know much about how depression effects people? for example, have you ever seen [http://www.amazon.co.uk/Depression-Way-Out-Your-Prison/dp/158391286X?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21 Dorothy Rowe's classic book on depression?]

IMO, if you are someone who likes to read up on subjects, there is no better starting place.

[kkym]

littlelaphin

dear mn

thank you so much everybody on here seems really nice. maybe on good thing is i may make some good friends from here. kw

[merryberry]

oops, meant:

Dorothy Rowe's classic book on depression?

[kkym]

merry berry

thanks for that. ill have a look on that. theres such alot i guess on my mind some to personal i guess to just post on here for everyone to see. its nice everyone is willing to help and give advice to everyone on here. hope to talk to you again soon

[jigglepuff]

Hia kkym. Welcome to MN Nothing that you are feeling is unusual - not to say that it doesn't matter, but it's really common, just not talked about enough. You've been through a really difficult time - having a baby is hard enough without working as well. The lack of sexual contact is fairly normal amongst most of the people I know - when you're tired and feeling rubbish, it's the last thing on your mind! Personally I have taken antidepressants since having my second baby as I have post-natal depression. Do you think you might have PND? Have you spoken to your Health Visitor or GP about this?