Sorry, didn't know what topic to write this under... I do feel depressed about this but I'm more just at my wits end with it.
Basically my dad is an alcoholic, but even before he started drinking he was always very manipulative, agressive and constantly causing trouble. A couple of years ago he decided he wasn't speaking to my sister any more because she said she wasn't prepared to bring her children over to his filthy house to see him late at night because he couldn't be bothered getting up til 6pm.
She said he was welcome to come over to her house and see the kids, but that wasn't good enough for him- he doesn't like visiting or phoning anyone because he sees every visit/phonecall he gets as a gauge of his popularity, so he wouldn't be able to see how popular he was if he made the first move (for gods sake) so for that reason and a few others, he decided to cut them out of his life, but made out to everyone that she was keeping him away from her kids because their other grandfather had more money than him (the mind boggles).
Ever since then he uses me to get information about them covertly, asking me details about their life (which I feel uncomfortable witholding) and then judging them or using it for gossip. He also appears to have an unnatural interest in my niece (now in her teens) which is another reason why we wanted to limit his exposure to the kids.
After over two years of ignoring that side of the family, he decided to come to a christening and still snubbed my sister and her partner, while beckoning to her children and speaking to them/hugging them etc. I'm really angry that he would do this, but I'm not good at saying what I feel, it's a pathetic excuse but I'm the youngest sibling and he used to be very aggressive and terrorised the family. I've never confronted him about anything and I don't think I can.
I've been trying to keep the family together since mum died just over two years ago (haven't done a very good job of it, have I?) which means I usually bend over backwards to keep the peace, but this time I'm just fed up of being susceptible to his manipulations. I'm also angry that he turned the christening into "The Dad Show" but turning up unexpectedly (he even followed our car all the way there, even when we took a wrong turn, creepy fucker) and made everyone at the do uncomfortable and on edge on a day which was supposed to be a celebration.
He has rung my house twice this evening, I haven't picked up because I know he's going to want to ask me sneaky questions about what was said about him. He'll make me account for my whereabouts and why I didn't answer when I do finally speak to him. I know I shouldn't have to, I'm fed up of having this weight on my shoulders by this slimy creepy emotionally blackmailing abusive old drunk. I really dislike him and don't trust him at all, but I'm too guilty to fall out with him/cut him out of our lives because he's lonely and lives by himself.
I wish I knew how to stand up for myself against him and tell him my whereabouts etc are none of his business, and to stop using me for information. Has anyone else dealt with a manipulative parent like this? Sorry for the long moan, I needed to get it out!
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Mental health
How can I stop myself being manipulated by my father?
6 replies
bananabump · 04/09/2007 20:55
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