moral support needed, please.

[lightningsal]

Awful PND after DD was born. 9 months of hell. She is now 8. Finally saw a psychiatrist 4 years after her birth, and having been on seroxat, and difficulty coming off.
A long story, you can tell. My AD was changed from seroxat to lustral. Amazingly, got pregnant again (IVF forDD). Was medicated throughout, and now DS is 3. Over last few months I Weaned from 100mg to 50mg, but then last week, problems again, anxiety, churning thoughts etc... My doc. has said to go back up to 100mg.
I am really disapointed with myself that I can't seem to cope without ADs. Why when I go down dosage do I struggle to get these thoughts under control? Before children I coped with a hell of a lot, why not now???

Anyone else a long term AD woman???

[berolina]

I'm sorry, I have no experience with ADs, but in answer to your question (why can't I cope now) I can say: Having children is an enormous physical and emotional upheaval. Your body's chemistry might have changed long-term, or you are (entirely naturally) more anxious as a parent than pre-children (IME having children makes you newly and dreadfully vulnerable. Tiny example: I was up half last night worrying about what would happen if a swarm of wasps attacked ds and I couldn't fend them off - because we'd had 2 wasps in the flat in the evening ). Please don't add to what you have to cope with by being hard on yourself for not being able to 'manage' without ADs just now

Have you thought about having CBT before reducing the dose? It is particularly good for anxiety and those dreadful rotating thoughts. (I know something of this as the last 14 years of my life have been accompanied by varying degrees of OCD).

[Meeely2]

my aunt has been on AD's for 15 years and has no plans to come off them. Her theory is if she is a better person on them then who is it hurting to stay on them?

I have PND too and am seeing a CBT councellor for my mood swings. I'm off the AD's but have docs on friday to get more as i had the weekend from hell this weekend. I speak to my aunt as she is the only person in my family who admits to having issues. My mum was clearly depressed when she was younger and never got it seen to or admitted it, hence i have poor memories of my childhood and her outbursts.

Don't fight it is what i say, depression is an illness and needs to be treated as such - go back up to the higher dose, get referred to a therapist and take it from there.

[lightningsal]

Thankyou, both of you for your lovely messages. You seem to be very kind people, and write so much sense. It is a great help when I can't seem to see the blinking obvious myself. I can remember trying to support fellow PND sufferers in the past, when it really wasn't an issue to me to be taking meds. My thoughts and emotions just get so exhausting at the moment.
Love to you
S

[EmmieH]

You know, sometimes you've just go to give in and take the path of least resistance. If meds make things easier for you, then so be it. If you feel happier and more in control, just do it because you've just got to do whatever it is that gets you through. There are no right answers. Just live in the now and don't worry about tomorrow or six months down the line. You can't change that but you can change now. You sound lovely. Good luck with everything.
x

[Meeely2]

how r u today sal?

[Surfermum]

I've been on them for over 10 years and no-one would know unless I tell them. I might well be OK without them now, but having tried twice to come off them twice, I just don't want to risk getting ill again as it was hell. I'm sure they gave me protection against getting PND, and we had a really bad car accident and I'm sure I coped with that OK because of them.

I don't get any side effects and get a really good night's sleep with them. The way I look at it is if I was diabetic I'd have to take insulin, this is no different. It's not a failing in myself, it's just something I have to do as my brain is prone to reacting to stress. I don't give it a second thought these days.

[Meeely2]

here here surfer mum

[lightningsal]

Hello, and thankyou so much again. Your messages have brought a tear to my eye. The first tear of the day so things must be looking up! My doc. said exactly the same thing about insulin.
I just dont feel right, but yes, I guess better than the last few days. I slept well last night and DS woke much later than usual.

The school holidays are hard, not physically, just having no time when the responsibility is off my shoulders. I know with DS only 3 that isnt much change from usual, but does anyone else wonder where their focus has gone? the excitement about things, the love of life? Is that just how it is sometimes or depression? There is always a job to do, a meal to prepare or demands to be met. Is it better as they grow older. My 8yr old DD is a lot easier, and great company. I feel I am really letting them down at the moment as I am so not cheerful. (8yr old lingo!)
Anyway, enough contemplating, lunch to clear now.
S

[lucyellensmum]

just wanted to add my support and empathy - know exactly how you feel re the excitement about life. Just started on citilopram, hoping mine will come back soon.

[TigerFeet]

The insulin thing has made me - dh is an insulin dependant diabetic and I am a long term AD woman, the way I see it is that we both have illnesses that are well controlled with appropriate medication.

[lightningsal]

Anyone there this morning?
DS woke 1.30-4am, with nast cough. I couldnt get back to sleep after and am dreading the day. I am shaky and tired, with no-one around who can help.
I feel like I cant cope with myself, let alone 2 children.

[Trinityrhino]

I am a long term ad woman, nearly 8 years with only a few months off them in that time, I have changed ad's 3 times.

[Surfermum]

Sorry you're feeling like that this morning. I am terrible if I don't get enough sleep, it really affects my mood. Can you have a really easy day? Put loads of dvds on for dd and ds and take it easy yourself?

On days when I feel like I can't cope I make a list of the things that MUST be done, get them done and sod the rest. When I write the list there is actually very little that needs to go on there as most things I end up thinking - actually it makes no difference if that doesn't get done today.

You do sound quite flat to me. The lack of enjoyment in stuff, pondering whether this will all get easier. I describe it as feeling like I'm wading through treacle. It's a horrible vicious circle isn't it? You feel down, so you start feeling like you can't cope, that feeling makes you down, etc etc.

There's no need to struggle like this if ad's helped you before, hopefully it won't be long until the higher dose kicks in and you feel better.

[lizziehoney]

lightningsal - i'm not the best person to give advice (i posted late last night on thread 'am i alone in feeling like this?')but i can identify SO much with what you say. That feeling of the excitement, the joy, just going. Feeling like you're the only one feeling these things. So you're definitely not alone. This thread has also prompted me to make an appt with my GP so thank you for that. I hope you begin to pick up soon and feel more positive.

[lightningsal]

any experience on how long it takes for increased dose of sertralins takes to work?
8 days in, incredibly stressful weekend and I am so so tired, anxious, and generally feeling foul.
I also messed up my dose. I brought myself down from what I thought was 100 to 50mg over the last few weeks, and as you see from below, ran into problems. On wed. I realised that I had actually gone from 50mg, down to 25, the tablets were only 50s, not 100s. What a complete idiot. Pushing myself and getting it dead wrong.
Any reassuring kind people out there??
S

[TotalChaos]

I think the increase can take as long as the original dose to kick in - i.e. could be 2 to 6 weeks. Hope you feel better soon. I'm another one on ADs for the long haul (due to previous history of recurrence of OCD/depression). Doesn't bother me. If it's giving me a fighting chance of avoiding suicidal thoughts, then that's bets for my DS.

[tori32]

Hi Sal, I have to agree with everyone hear PND is a serious illness and like so many other people have said, if you had a physical illness you would take meds if needed. This is no different. Be kind to yourself. The counselling is a good idea. I was not diagnosed with PND but know that I had it and didn't get help. This led to 6 mths of hell. Again I had depression during a divorce 6 years ago ( also in same year 2 close bereavements) I didn't get help or meds for that either but unfortunately was so unbalanced that was verging on alcoholism. (bc). I managed to scrape myself together but I'm sure I would have got better more quickly with medication.
Good Luck with everything

[Meeely2]

HI Sal - how you doing?

I am back on Fluoxetine, and will be for the long haul i think. Had a bit of a hiccup on the DH side of things but thats a whole other thread. He's going away this weekend so gives me time to breath and then we off on hols next week to portugal (bring on the Rose!)

Hope you are managing to find a smile in everyday

[lightningsal]

thanks everyone.
A bit better here, not the chirpiest I have ever been, but not so churned up. Been getting some support from lovely friends. I have tried to sit down for a while each day. Found myself looking at the bookshelves at those long ago bought books on 'staying sane' and dorothy rowes book on depression. What fun...
I'll do whatever I have to. I dont feel particularly positive about it but more resigned to the need of ADs. One thing is for sure, there are lots of us who need them. It is more important to live life than just get through. If it takes ADs, so be it, but could they please get a move on in doing their job....!!!!!
Going away for a week in the Alps. hope it goes well and I can actually feel as well as do the smile on my face.
What a bundle of laughs I am....