feel quite desperate and tearful re dh

[edam]

Was just emailing a friend, talking about depression (she has it as does my dh). Found myself writing that dh used to be funny, clever and caring - those were his outstanding characteristics that everyone who came across him recognised. And realised that he is none of those things any more. . Makes me want to burst into tears, tbh. He's just not him any more.

What can I do? He's on Prozac and has finally, after waiting for a year, got a referral to NHS therapy, but they have no staff and have just palmed him off with a group that really isn't helping (all but three have dropped out). Fuck. Where did our lives go so wrong.

[lullamay]

Hi Edam, I don't know what to say but did not want to leave your thread unanswered. I am really sorry for you & your DH. Sorry no help.

[Tortington]

babe, i have no advice, your probably the person who actually knows the medical stuff to look out for.

thinking of you - if you want to get drunk ...anytime cat me.

[edam]

Thank you. I just want the 'real' dh back. And so, I think, does he. He's certainly not happy living like this.

[edam]

Bless you Custy - have you seen the teenager caught with porn, thread, btw? Lots of people, inc. me, singing your praises.

[Marina]

Is paying for some one to one psychotherapy at all possible for you edam?
I know of a very good practice in central London that charges according to ability to pay.
IME the NHS just cannot help on this front.
Depression is a miserable scourge. As you say, it changes the person you love and makes every aspect of daily life a burdensome minefield.
BUT treatment and counselling can and do help. XXX

[edam]

If you can recommend a practice, Marina, that would be fab. Dh did see a therapist privately but did his 'I'm so chirpy, me' coping act (not consciously) and after three sessions therapist said dh didn't need to see him. NOT true at all.

[doggiesayswoof]

It's shit, isn't it? Dh and I have both had spells of depression - it's his turn at the moment and it's lonely. You do get lost in the illness.

Is the therapy group the only option? My aunt is depressed and has been assigned a community psychiatric nurse (after a long wait) who is great and seems to be really helping her. Maybe it depends where you are though.

[edam]

Good point, Annie, thanks.

[MuminBrum]

Second Annie's suggestion. There are lots of different SSRIs and they seem to work differently on different people. Seroxat works wonderfully well for me but I know it isn't right for everyone. Get the GP to consider other alternatives.

[doggiesayswoof]

Re the "chirpy" thing - IKWYM. Dh does that too, even with me sometimes. It's a sort of hollowed out version of the real dh. Just as you say, he doesn't realise he's doing it because he's always been a coper.

[Tortington]

yes saw it there will be a backlasham staying away

seriously...beer.....mmmmmmm depression &berevement - we wont cry!

[edam]

dh loves his beer, has even joined CAMRA.

[choosyfloosy]

hi edam
is your dh seeing a psychiatrist as well, or just the group therapy? CPN?
Sounds like medication needs a shakeup. i can recommend venlafaxine although it has some difficult side-effects - dont' they all

group therapy can be very good but not in those circs

go back to gp tbh

i do so know how this drains colour out of life

[edam]

that's exactly right but it's drained dh out of life, really.

interesting about group therapy, no, he doesn't have a psychiatrist or CPN, NHS in our area is shite, basically bankrupt.

[Marina]

Inner City Centre I'd recommend them to anyone
Agree that Prozac may not be the answer.

[edam]

thank you Marina, you don't know how wonderful a recommendation is. Feeling slightly tearful now because you have all been so helpful and so lovely! THANK YOU everyone.

[bundle]

edam, sorry you're going through this. there's some good advice here, xxxx

[Marina]

I was recommended them too edam. I could not agree with you more that knowing somewhere is reputable and likely to be able to help, is a boost towards picking up the receiver and making that call.
I wish you all the luck in the world XXX

[edam]

Have emailed dh. Which is probably the wrong thing to do but hey, I needed to act and Marina's link is very exciting. The idea that dh can find himself again is ... it would be so unbelievably fantastic.

[lulumama]

i hope things work out

when i was depressed, i tried lots of different meds, but venlaflaxine, at a high dose, as mentioned earlier, was the one that actually made a difference, within days, not weeks....

hope he is on the mend soon x

[foxinsocks]

I'm sorry to hear this edam. It can be very difficult coping with a loved one's depression. Don't forget to look after yourself in all of this.

[edam]

Will go to the GP and shout about drugs not working, as well.

Fox, thank you, it is hard to know what is the right thing to do. I only discovered recently that the medicine I'm on for a chronic condition (something completely different) is actually an anti-depressant (only used very rarely in that indication though, usually for my condition). Explains why I never actually cracked when I was in the job from hell nightmare!

[foxinsocks]

lol - is it amitriptyline? I get bad migraines and when I was going through the treatment options, I very nearly asked for amitriptyline once I discovered it had AD properties.

I know Al-anon is there to support families/friends of alcoholics but there's nothing specific for families of those with any form of mental illness. I know MIND does leaflets but I often think it's a big gap in support services really. Depression (and any mental illness) is quite hard to understand if you've not suffered it yourself.