Been in tears on and off all day.

[OrmIrian]

I don't really know why. The thing that triggers it is that my last child is starting school in September. Whenever I think about it it makes me so desperately sad. He is the only one of my children I've been able to be at home with and I'm going to miss that so much. DH tells me to enjoy the next few months but I can't stop thinking about September. I hate my job atm and have virtually no job security. I need some time off - 3 kids and a virtually full-time job make for a tricky life sometimes - but can't see how I can do it. It feels as if everything is turning bad and coming to an end. I just want to sleep. I've got no energy for anything

I've been depressed before but this feels different. I can't carry on being like this. My children will suffer with a mummy who is useless at everything. But I don't know what to do.

[americantrish]

i don't know what to say...hugs
nothing is all bad... talking about it here is a start. depression is a bastardly thing, but its not impossible to beat. maybe try looking for another, more secure job?
you certainly don't sound useless at everything! full time working out of the house and 3 children and husband! that is far from useless....

[Rantmum]

Sounds like life is really getting on top of you right now OrmIrian - so sorry that it is feeling so bad. It also sounds like you are very unhappy in your job and that it is affecting the way you feel about other aspects of your life.

It must be a massive transition to have your youngest starting school - it means a new stage in your life as a parent as much as a change for your dc.

It sounds like you maybe need the opportuenity to spend some time evaluating what you really want for yourself - do you have any dreams that have been on the backburner while your children have been small that you might be able to attempt now that your children are getting a little older (being happy about the changes in your own life might make it easier to accept your children growing older).

I am sure that you are far from useless at everything (you sound like a deeply caring parent who adores her children and your dc's are v. lucky to have that).

If things are really bad and you believe you may be suffering from depression, perhaps you can see your gp - he/she may be able to help.

[OrmIrian]

Thankyou both . Much appreciated. I am feeling a little better today ? had a good old weep on DH?s shoulder last night. I sat down with him and we filled in all the forms the school sent for DS#2 ? which I?d been putting off. Had to be done. Work is the main problem ? I?ve been there for 13 years and I have a really good deal, working partly at home, exactly the hours I want and a great deal of flexibility when I need it for childcare ? so inspite of the things I mentioned yesterday I really can?t see myself finding anything else as suitable. The only other real option is to find a similar better paid job in our nearest city (about 2.5 hours a day commute on average) and never see the kids, let alone manage the school run. Not working is not an option at the moment for financial reasons. And anyway I?d feel cheated doing that now having worked all through having 3 babies . So?.I think some serious thinking needed there.

[honeybrown]

Hi OrmIrian - hope you are feeling brighter today. I just wanted to say that Rantmum has given some good advice there. Whenever a phase in our parenting comes to an end, it is often tinged with sadness but in my experience this sadness is often replaced with the excitement of what the next phase brings with it.
Time now to focus on you and start thinking about adding something exciting and motivating to your life. It's not easy to make a start on something new, especially when you are juggling the needs of work and home but I think you'll be really glad you did it when you look back. Good luck to you.

[speedymama]

Hi Ormrian

I know you have not been on the exercise buddy thread because of your ankle injury but when it is healed, and you can do your Karate again, you may feel more optimistic and start to savour the future.

How about thinking about new challenges to undertake for yourself once your DS2 has started school?

Hope you feel better soon

[OrmIrian]

Thankyou.

I'm trying to think that way honeybrown - just finding it a struggle.

speedy - I know the lack of exercise isn't helping. Wanted to get back to running this weekend but it didn' happen. So hard to get motivated to do anything but I know you are right - life feels 100x better with a good long run under your belt.

[speedymama]

Ormrian, when I don't feel like running, I just keep telling myself, "just put one foot in front of the other and keep going".

How about starting with a short run of 1 mile and then it will be over quickly and you will feel better for doing it.

[OrmIrian]

I imagine a long rope tied around my waist that is steadily being pulled along. I can't stop running as the rope won't. Weird I suppose but it works.


However actually getting started is the problem atm.....