PND? Or just rubbish?

[unyummymummy]

I have 6 month old twins who are literally the light of my life. They sleep through (most nights), have a good routine and we go to at least 3 baby groups a week. So far so good but I feel constantly tired, very weepy on certain days and I have no patience with them when they cry. Sometimes I have to bite my hand otherwise I fear I may hurt them. Sometimes i shout so loudly at them and they cry even more. The guilt I feel is terrible and it makes me want to punish myself in some way. DH knows how i feel but i think he is getting annoyed that i can't just pick myself up and get on with the task in hand (he's the eternal optimist type). I have no family near by and dh works away quite often so i don't know whether i am in need of a bit of a break or whether i have mild PND. Please, if you have any experiences or advice, help me.

[penmack]

unyummymummy i would really try to get to the gp and have a word with them if possible.feeling like this cant be ignored , you might need some advice (and a bit of support) coping with twins even if they are your world must be exhausting. dont ignore it
thinking of you

[Aloha]

Can you get some help? Talk to your HV maybe about having a Homestart volunteer. When I had my dd (only second child, three year gap so much less work than twins) I contacted the local colleges to ask if they needed families for placements for childcare students and ended up with a nice girl who came twice (or was it three days) a week - can't remember now! It was great. She couldn't be left with the kids so I didn't swan off or anything, but I could have a bath or tidy up or go out for the day really easily with help, and she loved coming and going on day trips with us. I don't think you should underestimate what a hard job you are doing. Do you belong to a twins club?

[berolina]

Possibly some degree of PND, sweetie. And you are in need of a break. Goodness me, even one 'good' baby is a challenge. I admire mothers of multiples. The isolation you sound like you're feeling probably isn't helping.

Possibly you're piling it on (yourself, not them) too much with the baby groups? Honestly, they won't notice if you just do one or 2 instead of 3. I never did groups myself.

I would suggest a two-pronged strategy in your case: 1) talk to your GP (s/he will not force you into ADs or anything you're not comfortable with, just show you options); 2) think about ways you can take the pressure off yourself, ways of getting a break. Cutting down on the baby groups might be one way, cutting yourself a bit of slack now and again with the routine. Maybe you could go and stay with a close friend for a few days, you and the babies.

[marthamoo]

Well - to start with, I'd be amazed if anyone with 6 month old twins didn't feel completely exhausted and at the end of their tether a lot of the time. Getting angry with them is completely understandable - and you haven't hurt them, no matter how frustrated and angry you have felt. So you have nothing to feel guilty for - shouting, I suppose, isn't great - but ultimately it won't do them any harm - the worst thing about it is that it makes you feel bad.

I don't know if you have PND - but it sounds to me as though a talk with your doctor would be a good idea. If you do have it, then your dh's idea of "picking yourself up and getting on with it" is not going to work - you'll need some help. My dh had a similar attitude the first time I had PND - and it was a steep learning curve for both of us.

Don't be so hard on yourself - it's hard, this mothering lark, it's bloody exhausting - and I only had one at a time: twins are even harder. Do see your GP and talk about how you are feeling - and hang on to the thought that it does get easier. Do you have anyone to help out (you say your dh is away a lot, I know) so you can have a break? And do you get out of the house to baby groups etc.? Both those things helped me.

[marthamoo]

Oh sorry, you mentioned baby groups - I do think getting out of the house is a good idea, but if you are finding 3 too many, you can always skip the odd one.

[unyummymummy]

Thank you so much for your advice. I have felt so much better today - it seems that admiting how I actually feel to myself has made me think about what i am doing to my precious little babies. Also my wonderful mum has realised how hard i'm finding it and so is having them for a long weekend at the end of May - that's perked me up! Thanks again. x