Why won't anybody help me?

[LoveMyTomatoes]

I've been depressed on and off for years and have taken ADs and been to counselling in the past. Since the birth of DS 8 months ago I've felt the depression coming back. I've been to see my GP and HV about it a few times and they've refered me to a therapist who I've seen twice. Problem is the therapist is so busy I can only get an appointment every three or four weeks - also when I do get to see her (or the GP or HV) I'm often feeling fine so they think there's nothing wrong with me. They just think I'm tired and getting used to a new baby. The therapist said I didn't need to go back again but I begged her for a couple more sessions but the next one isn't for three weeks.

The thing is sometimes I do feel absolutely fine - I think about my life and feel really happy - beautiful baby, loving partner, nice-ish house, job I mostly enjoy, lots of friends, etc. But on days like today I just can't stop crying and feel as though everything is pointless. On my way home from work I started to think about what if I was in an accident, would anyone notice if I wasn't there any more (I've not had suicidal thoughts, but just feeling as though I should go away somewhere). If I feel like this quite often surely there is something wrong with me - but how can get people to listen and not feel as though I'm wasting their time?

[Wotzsaname]

oh dear LMT, you are not wasting time on here asking, but others may be able to give you some more advice.

[nickytwotimes]

tomatoes, you sound a bit like me! in my case, people think i'm fine cos that is the unconcious impression i give them - years of practice as you can possibly relate to!
opening up a bit more might help - it does for me.

[maisym]

could you call the samaritans when you feel like this? They always have time to help when you need it.

[twocatsonthebed]

I can really sympathise - I've just started taking ADs for PND, but no one would ever have guessed - I've spent my whole life looking like I cope. Fortunately I have a v sympathetic GP, who said, when I went in to see her, oh of course, you're one of those types who gets on with it and hide it.

Why are they not prescribing you ADs as a start, particularly if you've had them before? It's a v common scenario for people to get PND with a history of previous depression.

How helpful did you find counselling in the past? Do you think it's something you still need to do? If that's the case, then I'd take FioFio's advice and find a private counsellor - if you think you can't afford it they will often reduce their fees.

But if you don't, then go and pester them for some ADs.

I had 2.5 years of therapy a while ago, and so when the PND struck, have decided that I don't really need more, so am taking ADs (which, incidentally, are working a treat, three days in and I already feel better) and getting some CBT to sort out the anxiety which is my biggest problem.

Oh, and I'm taking vitamin B and magnesium, which someone recommended here.

But do go and pester them, you can't go on feeling so lousy, and, more importantly, you shouldn't have to. Hope this helps.

[LoveMyTomatoes]

Thanks for your replies - its reassuring to know people do want to help! When I saw a counseller before it was privately but I can't really afford to do that again with DS and me only working part time - but will try to see if they will do it cheaper.

One doctor did offer to prescribe ADs but I said I'd prefer counselling. When I was on ADs before I didn't feel they really helped, they stopped the real downers, but also seemed to prevent me from feeling 'up' if you see what I mean. But I did feel as though I got a lot from the counselling - did some CBT too. I'm taking St John's Wort which I'm not sure whether are making a difference or not - when I'm feeling fine I think they are and when I'm feeling like this I think they're not!

I have tried to phone the samaritans a couple of times but both times put the phone down as soon as they answered - I felt as though my problems weren't bad enough and I'd be taking time away from someone who really needed it.

People say I come across as being really calm, and sometimes I am, but sometimes I'm just a mess of anxiety and emotions inside!

[madmarchhare]

Could you see a different GP and tell them exactly what you have said here?

[nickytwotimes]

mad has a good point - also, write what you have written here and show it to them. it is easier to be honest on paper!

[LoveMyTomatoes]

With our surgery you see a different doctor each time anyway - they all seem to work random days. But there is one who is particularly nice and he was sympathetic, but he still said I seemed fine. I think I'll print this out and show it to the therapist - I think because we only get 45 mins I have so far focussed on minor things which happened to be bothering me at the time and I probably need to give her the bigger picture and try to be more honest about how I'm feeling rather than trying to cover things up like I normally do.

Thanks again for all your advice - it has helped just to 'talk' about it for a bit. My DP is working so I was sitting on my own feeling as though I had nobody to talk to and didn't want to phone my friends up just to depress them.

[nickytwotimes]

good luck, tomatoes!

[madmarchhare]

Do you have a number for the therapist?

[maisym]

tomatoes - never hesitate to call the samaritans - even for a chat. They are always there for you.

[LoveMyTomatoes]

Well I got fed up with feeling fed up today! I was going to the doctor with DS and for some reason got myself all worked up on the way there and just felt anxious and stressed and fed up with everything. After the doctor had finished with DS he asked if everything was ok and I just burst into tears! I said I'm fed up with feeling like this and I want some ADs! But he wouldn't give me any! He talked to ages about other ways of coping, from cutting down my hours at work (can't afford to even if I wanted to) to talking to all and sundry about how I'm feeling. In the end he said we should wait until I've seen the therapist again and if I'm still feeling the same to go back and he'll prescribe ADs. I know by then I'll probably be feeling fine and I won't bother, in fact I'm feeling ok now because my parents came round this afternoon and we had a really nice time sorting out my garden. So now just feeling a bit stupid for crying all over the doctor! But still confused about why people think I'm not ready for ADs and not urgent enough to have more counselling - surely breaking down in tears in the doctors surgery isn't normal behaviour?!

[bighair21]

I feel for you so much. I've suffered from PND with both of my children and have numerous times cried all over the doctor. I have always found that ADs really work because they get you over the worst of it while you get yourself sorted out with counselling. Perhaps you weren't on the right ADs previously - there are new ones out all the time. I'm the same as you - I'm up and down and it's when I'm left alone with my thoughts that things aren't great and I get all anxious especially about health issues and doctors. When I have company I feel fine. I would say definitely call the Samaritans - they are really great when you're feeling terrible. You don't have to be suicidal to ring them so they won't judge you and think that your problems aren't important enough. Do you have some really close friends that you can confide in? I would say get yourself as much support as poss and try not to spend too much time on your own. Thinking of you and know exactly where you are.