Feel like I'm living a lie

[JoshandJamie]

I have pmt - which is partly where this is coming from. But not all of it.

For years I haven't felt that I'm very good at my job, despite being reasonably successful at it. Now I run my own business and I feel even worse. I feel as though I am pretending that I know what I'm doing, but that actually it's all a big lie.

Now when I've told this to friends/DH in the past, what I am told is that lots of people feel like this and usually people who feel like this are the most successful because they constantly underestimate themselves and therefore try harder.

But recently there've been several things that have brought home to me just how little I know about what I profess to know and I just feel crap. I am at the point of chucking it all in - except that what I do is probably (sadly) what I'm best at.

I feel like I need to harness what I'm good at and really understand what that is, and then try to sell that. But I just feel like such a big ignoramus that I can't figure that out.

God - this is garbled. If you've figured it all out, well done. Just needed to get it out.

[southeastastra]

don't worry. whose approval are you really seeking?

[time4me]

You sound modest,a rare and valued trait in this ego led world

[JoshandJamie]

I think it's my own approval that I'm seeking. I keep discovering competitors who are doing better things or seem to know more. I genuinely think that I have big fat gaps in my knowledge and how I've managed to come this far is sheer fluke.

Honestly, when I go to bed at night and I feel like I've had a good day, it's because I personally feel that I've done my best and have done something good. It's not because someone else has said that I've done a good job.

I sometimes think that those first few years when you start working - when everything is new, I missed a lot. And now it's almost too late to admit I don't know them. Does anyone else feel like that?

[stitch]

if you run your own business, then it should be easy to get vidication.
how much money do you make?
do your clients reccomend you?
if so, then you are wildl y successful.

[Nightynight]

joshandjamie,
I am a highly paid technical specialist. I have got to this position, because just occasionally, I sit down and concentrate a little bit harder than most other people, and produce a decent bit of work. I couldnt tell you what I was working on last month, because I have forgotten it, and the chances are, I dont yet know anything about what I will be working on next month, although when I get told about it, I will nod intelligently and pretend that I already know.
Most of the time, like you, I feel that I am living a big fat lie. But the secret is - so is everyone else in my field! No-one knows it all; but together, on a good day, we can make a team that knows most of it.

Can you honestly say how many people in your line of work really do know it all?

[JoshandJamie]

morning. Sorry - I had to go to bed last night so didn't respond but thanks for your thoughts Stitch and Nightnight.

I guess that my clients do recommend me to others and I earn enough. And I'm sure that my competitors don't know it all - it just seems like they do.

It's really hard to explain how thoroughly out of my depth I feel sometimes - and how thick I feel about some of the basics - but I guess I must be doing something right. I just wish I felt a bit more comfortable with it all instead of feeling like someone is going to find me out soon.

[ChipButty]

Without knowing your field, it's hard to comment. However, I just wondered if there were any training courses to keep you up to date with new issues or if there were perhaps a distance learning course where you could refamiliarise yourself with the basics and improve your confidence. FWIW I think that the fact you are running your own successful business is amazing. I'm sure I couldn't do it.

[Nightynight]

j&j - it is honestly a relief to find out that other people feel like this too!
I sometimes realise that I don't know something fairly basic, and have to go to the internet or a textbook and look it up.

in my field, I think this is pretty normal though - what sorts the women from the girls is, who is prepared to do this.

[October]

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[JoshandJamie]

i'm in PR - but I've shifted sector within this field, so it's trying to understand how this new sector works. And also just the basics - like using Excel properly or knowing how to back up a pc or how to do some kind of proper analysis of my clients to determine how profitable they are or knowing the latest websites for my industry and staying on top of journalist changes etc

I am thinking of going on a few courses - although they cost a bomb - just so I feel a bit more up to speed on some of the newer things but it's really just having the time to read more and be more fully involved in work. But I juggle work and kids all on minimal sleep so I feel like a zombie half the time - probably why i feel pretty thick.

[October]

Message withdrawn