Ok I think my dh is having a breakdown please `can anyone help me with these questions?

[puddle]

I posted earlier this year about my Dh having panic attacks in the night due to stress at work.

Things have spiralled got worse over the last few days. He can't go in to work (has signed himself off). Is very tearful all the time, feeling panicky all the time and like he is unable to cope.

He's been covering it up quite well and although I was worried about him I had no idea how bad it had got.

He has now been to the doctors and been prescribed 20mg fluoxetine, also has been referred for counselling.

I can also get him counselling through my work (prob more quickly than via the GP).

I have a few questions:

• is it a good idea to have two different sorts of counselling or should he stick with one? My gut feeling is to try both and see who he clicks with.

• anyone with any experience of fluoxetine (which is prozac I think?)

- Should he tell work what is going on? The Gp was great and she said she will sign him off for longer with an ambiguous sicknote. But my feeling is he will get more support from work if he is honest about what is happening. It's a new job though and he is worried about telling them. He works in education, so public sector.

Is there anything else I can do to help him?

I am finding this all quite ard and am aware I have gone into 'full' coping' mode but I need to feel like I am doing something...

TIA

[niceglasses]

Hi Puddle - can only offer you my own exp. I didn't have a brkdown but some depression over a number of yrs. I think you might be right about the counsellors. Youre access thru work will be a lot quicker than the GP who have massive lists - and I couldn't see it doing any harm. Get it going as soon as you can.

I'm on prozac too (this is fluoxetine) and this will help tho it takes 2-3 wks to kick in. Beware one of side effects maybe not being able to sleep - take 'em early in the morning if poss.

Personally, I wouldn't tell work just now. There is no need and the help he is getting may just see him through.

Its time and getting to the bottom of things. Just be there, talk if he wants, support which it sounds like you are doing brilliantly. All the very best.

[EllieG]

Hi Puddle - so sorry to hear what you're going through. Would echo what niceglasses said- I am on prozac and found it a bit horrid for the first few weeks (side effects made me more down at first) but then OK. Counselling was MUCH more beneficial than any medication.
Hope things go ok

[dionnelorraine]

Hi. Poor you I really feel for you. its so hard! my mum is going through a nervous breakdown. She is convinced people are out to kill her, she cant be left on her own, cant leave the house and cant work. She is always panicing and stressing out! She was sectioned for 2 weeks, just so she felt safe and could be treated but it didnt work.
My mum is on prozac and it has calmed her down, she is less edgy so can cope a little better. But if she runs out of tablets for a day or so she loses it again! There are all kinds of mental health drugs and its a case of trial and error, if he has any of these they will keep chopping and changing them until they have found the best dose that suits him.
Her problem started at work, she was being severely bullied. sad story. Do you know how exactly this started with your dh?
I hope you both get through this. its really tough. xxx

[choosyfloosy]

Hi puddle. not huge experience but dh has been ill off and on for years. i think your instinct re counselling is spot on - it depends who you click with - but doens't your dh have any occupational health via his work? i used to work in public sector and twice in period of 10 years had counselling via occupational health which were both brilliant. may be worth asking. If not, then access all routes - you might even find it was the same counsellor turning up in lots of jobs...

keep close eye on symptoms on ads. well worth a go, but can be not pleasant in early days. on seroxat i had trouble with dizziness as dose built up, plus my lowest point of all was about a week after I'd started it.

i think ambiguous sicknote is prob fine at present tbh - plenty of time for more openness!

[puddle]

Thanks you are all really kind (watery smile).

I think one of the big stresses is work and the fact that he is not being honest about why he is off is an additional pressure. It's hard to know what the best option is (i have v supportive employers so i think this colours my view somewhat - dh's boss is lovely but v alpha male).

Dionne - having talked to him I think this has been going on mildly for years and is bound up with his job but not just his job (of that makes any sense at all).

Choosy he was prescribed seroxat and I sent him back to change them following good advice on here.

[dionnelorraine]

So work stress build up + life! Things can really build up and then suddenly break you. Talking about it will help him so counciling is the way to go imo. Prozac is also a good idea once he is past the initial couple of weeks and his body is used to it. Dont run out of them though!!
Thinking of you honey, its hard on you having to support him too, make sure you look after yourself still, eat well and get enough sleep to help you feel a little stronger through this. xx

[dionnelorraine]

Maybe take him on holiday for a week or so, to chill out and catch up on sleep etc...??

[puddle]

Can't really manage a holiday at the moment dionne! Have just had Easter too which was (from my perspective) lovely and relaxing.

[dionnelorraine]

Know the feeling. Im desperate for hols but cant cos of money and work! Grrr!
Nevermind, just a thought.
Definatly counciling. You try and talk to him too. Lots of cuddles and reassurance. It helps my mum sometimes.

[ArcticRoll]

Hi puddle, sorry to hear this, it's very difficult for family when someone has depression.
I would try to speed up the counselling.
Check with Gp how long the waiting list is for appointment with counsellor.
If it is quite some time I would advise getting it through your work.

[morningpaper]

Prozac works for some people and not others - it works for depression though, rather than stress. It won't do much for stress.

It sounds like your DH really needs to deal with the cause - which you say is work. Can he change jobs? Can he resolve the stressful situation? Can he take early retirement (often possible in education)?

In the VERY short term, it might be worth asking for a precription for Valium, which will give him a break for a few hours, but bear in mind it can be HIGHLY addictive for someone in his situation.

[morningpaper]

If I was in your situation I might try to persuade DH that I could go and talk to his boss. There is no reason that he has to do it personally.

[puddle]

MP he has other health issues which means that the anti-d is the best solution for his particular situation (he can't take beta blockers for eg)

I think you are right in the long term that the job he is in is not sustainable. It is notoriously hard to get out of teaching though.

[puddle]

I don't know whether he would want me to talk to his boss. He already feels like a total failure and as if he is running away rather than facing up to the issue.

[Berrie]

He might want to keep his options open with the counselling, he might not click with the first that is offered.
As a teacher and depressive myself, I would say give the Ad's time to work. I had to tell them at school as I had 1/2 a term off but the ad's made me able to get back on form eventually.

[puddle]

Ah Berrie thanks for posting. Was your depression job related?

[fluffyanimal]

Hi Puddle, sorry to hear what your dh and you are going through. FWIW I suffered with panic attacks and depression a while ago and found Prozac very beneficial, esp. for the panic and anxiety. But I had counselling too, so yes, belt and braces is the way to go. I always think of the drugs as painkillers and the counselling as physiotherapy - you need both to get over a physical injury!

I would think that he will need to tell work eventually because if it is job-stress causing the problem then he needs to change what he is doing, but this can probably wait until he's feeling more on top of things.

Hope he and you start to feel better soon.

[puddle]

Fluffy that's good to hear. How long did the recovery process take in your case? I think your painkiller/ physio analagy is good - will mention to dp!

[Berrie]

An event at work was a trigger to time off with it but I think that really it's just me. I've given up work since having dd for a bit and I've just had to start taking ad's again. For me it was less about the stress of the job, though it was very stressful, and more to do with a work related blow to my low self esteem.

[Berrie]

It's very hard for the carers of depressed people too. I've been on that side too with dh, poor you, it will get better though he might need to try different ad's before he finds one that is right for him which takes time.

[fluffyanimal]

Puddle, the recovery from first being put on Prozac to being back to normal took about 2-3 months. That sounds long, but I was physically very ill with the panic attacks so it took more than 3 weeks for the Prozac to take effect on that. (I was on Prozac for about a year however.) I then had a couple of more minor relapses in subsequent years, all of which got better in a matter of weeks, again with Prozac and counselling. Mostly I hadn't quite dealt with the emotional issues that had caused the first illness. However, I have been drug and panic-attack free for over 3 years now.

[puddle]

Fluffy that doesn't sound long at all actually. Can I be really nosey and ask what the emotional issues were that triggered your attacks (please don't feel obliged to if you'd rather not).

Berrie I think some of the issues re: work realte to loss of confidence and ability.

[puddle]

I feel quite upset Berries but loads better after talking on here. Part of me thinks this has been a long time coming and it can only be a positive thing - dp had shut me out of what was going on - am feeling closer to him now than I have felt for months but it's all been such an incremental process that I hadn't realised quite how adrift we had got.

I have only told one close friend what is going on - am not sure what to do about that either. We have loads of friends but am not sure dp wants me to tell anyone what is going on - hard to be alone coping and hard to be covering what's going on too.

Waffling now - I really do appreciate all your posts

[Berrie]

The ad's might help him to cope better at work. I'm not sure what support could be offered other than just feeling better that someone knew and might offer a bit of leeway. On the other hand he might just carry the stigma instead. Depends on the school and the Headteacher.

[Berrie]

I remember ringing MIND when DH was depressed and I felt we were getting nowhere with the Doctor and just sobbing. It sounds as if you are being really supportive which is great and hard for you as he won't be able to give much back. You might need to get a bit more support for you though as it can really get you down.