I have hit an all time low.

[Bigfailure]

I just feel like I fail at everything in life & I hate myself.
I try to stay as upbeat as I can to everyone around me, but in reality, deep down, this is how I feel about myself & today it has all really got on top of me.
I can't succeed at anything in life, I have failed at marriage, I often fail as a mother & I feel I fail at everything.
Does anyone else get moments like this?

[linjasmom]

Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you. I think everybody feels like that every now and then. I think having dc is a great thing in itself, so no failure there. Take care! {{XX}}

[cheekymonk]

Yes, definitely. I am on ads and have a ds aged 2.2. It is only the thought of how much he needs me that stops me driving off the nearest cliff sometimes! I too try to stay upbeat but feel like I have this pit of sadness inside me.
I am sure you are not a failure it just all gets on top of you sometimes doesn't it?

[fransmom]

yes we do sweetheart. my dd is nearly two and i still get moments like those. i have been on ad's (fluoxetine) since mid-february and when i remember to take them consistently they do work. i am just coming out of a pnd relapse and have really closed off to everything including my daughter which i feel really bad about. is there anyone in rl that you can talk to about how you feel?

[fransmom]

cheekymonk is right about the pit of sadness. ((((((((hugs for all)))))))))

it does sound like you have been through the mill a bit lately and maybe you feel like you can't do anything right but the best piece of advice i ever heard was "the only failure is a failure to try".
i am sure you are trying so, in that case, you are most definitely not a failure

[Bigfailure]

fransmom - thanks, we have spoken on another thread before.
I just feel the lowest of the low today. I have just reached a total pit point in my head & I can't lift myself lout of it.
I am a failure, but have a sister who always lands on her feet while I land on my nose!

[Bigfailure]

Should say "Can't lift myself out of it!"
Have been fighting back tears all day & now boys are all tucked up in bed, I am in tears.

[Bigfailure]

I haven't felt quite this bad since I was in my late teens/early twenties. I have always felt the failure a little, but it has never got to me so badly.
I never feel suicidal or anything like that & am grateful for my health & that of my boys, I really am. I am just feeling a little crap about myself, but realise that making my boys is a really big positive & I love them to bits.

[Bigfailure]

Just feeling a little down about my failures in all other aspects of life & I really really dislike myself & see myself as a failure.

[cheekymonk]

Its not easy to get yourself out of such a negative way of thinking...
I bet you haven't locked your ds in the car this week and had to get firemen out to rescue him,
lost ds in M & S for 5 minutes
been doing something else and meanwhile ds has chucked plastic duck down toilet and blocked it up
Given ds packet macaroni cheese and disguised it as home cooking for nursery?
Honestly I think I am shit most of the time but I know i love ds and that really does keep me going.
I will always have hope and strive to be better.

[Bigfailure]

Packet macoroni cheese sounds good, CM!

It got to the point this afternoon (much as I wasn't yet crying, but welling up) that DS1 said "Daddy said to tell you I love you" & then gave me the biggest hug. His daddy is soon to be leaving my life & much as I had very good reasons for this separation, at times he feels like my main security. That probably makes no sense to anyone, but I feel I have just failed everybody.

[dumbymummy]

Let's get specific, Big. I'm 42 this year. I had a ds when I was 39 - unplanned but very welcome. On paper, I am a failure. I don't drive, I now clean pubs for a living (take my ds with me), I don't know how to dress well, smoke too much and drink too much. I don't know what half the acronyms on Mumsnet mean, I have only one real friend (and I see her rarely), and I am also a very crap housewife. Certain things I did in my past make my lie awake at night in a cold sweat (although not so much since I've had my son), my mum was a drunk and the last thing I said to her before she died (I didn't know she was going to do that) was Fuck Off.

Am I a failure? Absolutely not. I've never knowingly hurt anyone, I smile even when I feel down, I graft my tits off to make enough money to get essentials, I am honest, and I can emphasize with people because, like most of us, I have been there. Right at the depths. Occasionally it's necessary to hit rock bottom. Once done, there's nowhere else to go but up. I don't know why you feel a failure, but you can't be, you're not. Just change our user name to BIG and try to understand one of the hardest lessons of all ... your life is what you think it is. If you think it's crap, it will be. If you think people don't like you, they won't. You've got a lot of power to change things, and I know you can.

Positive vibes comin' right atya!!!

[Bigfailure]

My last post sounds so pathetically pathetic!

[Bigfailure]

But that's the thing - everyone around me sees a different me. They phone me when they're down & I cheer them up - nobody ever sees my weak side, but I do!
I try to keep on top of things most of the time, I really do. Today has just been a bit of a toughie for some reason.

[Bigfailure]

I am sorry, I am normally not like this at all, it has just been one of those days & everything has piled on top of me.

[Rachmumoftwo]

I think we all feel like this sometimes. i feel really bad if I am stressed around the kids, amd think I am a crap mum, but then on a good day I realise that I am not so bad.
Please change your name to focus on something good about yourself, even if it is unimaginative like mine! It may be a start to a cheerier outlook.
There are lots of us out hear to lend an ear when you need it- you are not alone (in a good way!).

[dumbymummy]

That is the thing. No one knows how I feel either. They see a tough/tender mixture that does what needs to be done and they admire me for it. You're obviously a very strong and very pleasant person ... people phone you, for Gods sake . It sounds like you have reactive depression that's been caused by your relationship problems. If you want your partner back, get him back. It's easier with two. If that's a no go area, then I think you have the reserves to get through it.

[Bigfailure]

Thanks dumbymummy.
Can't go back with H, have tried to repair things over the years & nothing changed. I do still love his nicer side, but can't stay, I really must make this move. Have very little support from my parents though - infact they just seem to lay on the guilt.

[JoshandJamie]

Big failure - first of all, change your name, because you're not. Stop for a minute. Breathe deeply. And I mean really deeply. Shut your eyes (ok you'll have to memorise this bit) and then breathe in for the count of 8 and then breathe out for the count of ten. And repeat 3 times. When you breathe out, imagine relaxing every part of your body. Consciously think of letting go of every bit of tension.

Do it now before you read on.




Ok. Now here's the thing. No matter how much of a failure you feel, believe me, you are not. You're just a person in a down place right now. You can get out of it. Put your arms around yourself and give yourself a hug.

[Bigfailure]

Thanks J&J.
Just posting on here & having the support from you lot, has helped me so much tonight, so thank you.

[Londonmamma]

If we asked your children, what would they say about you?

[Bigfailure]

Thank you, SB I have just had a bit of a pathetic day all in all, where all I could think was what a bloody failure I was in everything.
Stayed with it all the time my lovely boys were awake, but then when they were in bed & I was in the bath, I just lost it big time!

[Bigfailure]

Londonmamma - I guess they would say they loved me, because this is what they say to me. I won't let them see my weaknesses, they just know they are loved, even if their mummy is a grumpy old growly thing at times!

[Bigfailure]

I have been really tearful for most of today, but posting on here & reading all your supportive replies has really snapped me out of it, so thank you.

[pirategirl]

It is sometimes so great to share with others, and helps. I have been where you are today, many manytimes.

You go down but you come up, and its relief when you coem up isnt it.

thank god for prozac, in my case.

thanks for psoting, its helped me, seeing all the others, and i hope oyu feel better tomorrow.

the sun may even be out!!