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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Mental health

I have been just the worst mum today

56 replies

notagoodmum · 05/04/2007 23:20

I feel awful, but I have had little patience with my children all day & got on at them about every little thing.
I don't want to be such an awful mum with no patience, and I know that it is wrong to be this way, but when my stress levels take over me, I almost have no control.

All the stress that is going on in my life is starting to overload me & as a result I turn into mother from hell, who cannot cope with the slightest thing.
I don't want to be such a hideous excuse of a mother, but right now I almost don't seem to be in control & it is horrible.
Soetimes I feel like I just can't cope & I don't know what I can do to make things better.

OP posts:

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Frascati · 05/04/2007 23:21

You need to get out. Even if it is for a couple of hours makes all the difference.
You are not a bad mum, we have all been there xxx

VeniVidiVickiQV · 05/04/2007 23:22

How old are they?

Do you have PND?

MrsGumby · 05/04/2007 23:22

Totally agree with Frascati. We all have horrendous, guilt-laden days but I find that getting out, even it's a 30-minute trip to the park, makes such a difference to all of us.

Megglevache · 05/04/2007 23:23

Message withdrawn

SquonkyDonkeyHotCrossBuns · 05/04/2007 23:23

Next time you feel like yelling at them, leave the room. Sit down, take a deep breath. Count to ten (or fifty, or a hundred - whatever it takes to feel a bit calmer) then go back and deal with them.

Even if they are screaming at each other, block it out.

Pick your battles, don't ask them to do things that you know they just won't, that way you won't get cross when they don't do it.

Then come on here and whinge, whinge, whinge... we'll all listen.

notagoodmum · 05/04/2007 23:29

My youngest is 4, so I don't have PND, although I have suffered from that in the past.
Don't want to give too much away about myself, but I am dealing with quite a bit of stress atm & today I felt really overloaded with it. Dealing with two very demanding children was just too much & all I did was get on at them, which I know was wrong.
I just felt like I needed them to go in other room & do something quiet for a while, which of course is quite rare with young children!
I want to be a good mum, but my head feels like it's fit to explode atm, and it's not happening.

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SquonkyDonkeyHotCrossBuns · 05/04/2007 23:30

Do you have any rl support who you could just ring and ask to come and have the kids for an hour to give you some time to yourself?

notagoodmum · 05/04/2007 23:33

There aren't many people around to take over & their dad is working long shifts.
I am actually dreading tomorrow, which is wrong in itself.

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 05/04/2007 23:34

Well, it could be depression does need to be of the post natal variety. It certainly seems to ring a bell with me.

Going out seems like its just too much trouble. In fact everything does. We all get days like this though. Depressed or not.

Do try and go out, treat the children, if they do something that is frustrating etc, try and step back from it and calm yourself.

Sod the housework. It wont harm you or the children to leave it.

Have to say, I often find that if my children want my attention and I have alot to do I get them to 'help' me. Especially with sorting washing and putting it in the machine. They love it, it keeps them happy, I get things done - i am happy. Dont beat yourself up about it.

SquonkyDonkeyHotCrossBuns · 05/04/2007 23:36

Make a plan of where you can go and what you can do.

Don't expect to stick to the plan, but make one anyway and see how it goes.

If they get to you, take deep breaths till you can deal with it.

Take yourself away from the situation - as long as they are safe and away from harm - they're not going to suffer from you going into a different room for a minute or two to calm down. Come on here and rant, or ring someone.

Go back in the room with a smile on your face (even if it is a fake smile)

notagoodmum · 05/04/2007 23:40

From the moment they woke up they began squabbling & then one starts wailing, they have also been constantly demanding, jumping from the furniture, not doing as they are told etc. Just normal things I guess, but I couldn't deal with any of it today.
I did force myself to take them to the park & later to a friends, but have felt on the verge of tears all day, which has lowered my tolerance to 0.
I have been worrying about depression setting in for a while, but then I will seem ok again for a bit & think all is ok.

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notagoodmum · 05/04/2007 23:43

I do try to go to another room, or get them to go to another room for a bit, but they tend to follow me.

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 05/04/2007 23:43

The thing with depression is, by the time you realise it has crept back, its already well settled in. May be worth visiting the docs? Did you have AD's with your PND?

notagoodmum · 05/04/2007 23:45

I did take them for a while, although that was nearly 4 years back.

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SquonkyDonkeyHotCrossBuns · 05/04/2007 23:48

You need to change your name, btw, because you obviously are a good mum or you would not be worried about this.

notagoodmum · 05/04/2007 23:48

Have had lots of these episodes recently, but put them down to stress rather than depression, as they come & go.

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 05/04/2007 23:49

Well, it does sound like you are depressed. Definitely try and involve them in housework type things to keep them busy and feeling useful (even if they arent real houswework tasks).

If I am feeling a bit low or something, I often get a blanket, and get the three of us huddled up together and read a book, or something. We've all fallen asleep together like that once too!

notagoodmum · 05/04/2007 23:49

Feel like the worst mum in the world right now.

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 05/04/2007 23:50

Well, mine felt like they came and went, and then I realised that it seemed like it because I always felt 100 times better when DP was around. It was only when he wasnt that I fell to pieces.

SquonkyDonkeyHotCrossBuns · 05/04/2007 23:50

but you're not....

we've all been there - to varying degrees. If you really feel that bad, I think VVV's right and it's maybe time to have a chat with the doctor.

In the meantime, we are always here to listen.

Change your name!

notagoodmum · 05/04/2007 23:51

The blanket idea sounds nice, QV, maybe I will try that.

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notagoodmum · 05/04/2007 23:52

I am going to be coping on my own very soon & that is a very scary thought!

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notagoodmum · 05/04/2007 23:55

Going to try & sleep now (be warned, I may be back!), but thank you all. I will try harder tomorrow!

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SquonkyDonkeyHotCrossBuns · 05/04/2007 23:56

It is very scary - I've been there. You do cope though.

I have to sort out dd, she's woken up again, but I really hope you feel a bit better tomorrow.

SquonkyDonkeyHotCrossBuns · 05/04/2007 23:56

get as much sleep as you can

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