can someone help me to feel better?

[feelinglow]

have two teenage children and then i had a surprise baby who is now 1. I am finding it so hard and overwhelming after it being so easy with two bigger ones. I have forgotten how hard it is. I am so tired and drained and what makes it worse is that my dd is such a wingy, clingy baby. I am dreading the toddler bit

I love my baby dearly, but it has had such an impact on the whole family. I sit and cry most days. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and does it get any better. We used to do so many things as a family, but it has become difficult, I feel guilty to my others

Please can anyone make me feel any better. I am lost in a world of gcse's and nappies. I find myself being envious of my mates who are getting their freedom back and doing things with their big kids skiing etc.

How horrible am i? i love my dd but dont deserve her. I also still cant get over the older mom thing (although i dont look it)

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[lionheart]

You're not horrible at all, feelinglow. Someone who will be able to offer better advice and support will be along soon, I'm sure.

[Dior]

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[feelinglow]

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[bettybootoo]

Sorry you are feeling so low. I think you sound like a lovely caring mum. My situation is a little different but I have a large age gap between my children and can empathise with how you feel. It seems like I have been on the hamster wheel of playgroups/school forever and often envy my friends who have been there and done that. What I try to do is make sure that during the holidays we do an activity for the older child in the morning, usually with little one strapped to my bike or buggy, with a picnic then we retreat home for the afternoon to amuse ourselves there or my older one has friends over to our house. I don't yet have a teenager (although am close) so not sure what activities they like to do and how easy it would be to bring a little one into the activity but I can empathise with the guilt of trying to keep both children happy. I don't think you are a horrible mum at all, just a tired one who seems to be doing amazingly. I think 0-1 years is a really hard stage what with having to cope with lack of sleep and still carry on a normal routine for the other children so I hope things will start to get easier for you from now onwards. You sound like you are doing great.

[sunnysideup]

I'm not surprised you're feeling low, and envious of other parents getting their freedom back. As you say you've probably forgotten how hard the early days are; and I think because you are so low, you are not so able to cope with the demands of your baby; who may not seem so whiny and clingy if it wasn't so hard for you to cope, do you see what I mean? I'm not doubting you that the baby IS hard work, I just think if you felt better it would seem so much easier.

You have teenagers, do they babysit for you? That seems one advantage to me of the set up, would it be possible to get yourself one evening a week where you and dh can go out and leave the baby being babysat by the older children, maybe extra pocket money for them?

I really think if you are in tears every day you need to talk to your HV or dr and rule out PND. It would be silly to struggle like this if there was treatment that could help almost straight away!

What about your DH? Basically, is the family pulling together to give you some breaks? Do they know how bad you feel - they can't help unless you tell them, though I know it's hard to do.

I also think as the years go on and your older kids are independent grown ups, you may have built in babysitters/sleepovers for your dd at their houses, so you may end up getting more freedom than you think sooner rather than later....xx