Im so scared

[Noodlesinthepocket]

I have an almost 6 month old. I was diagnosed with pnd just before xmas and prescribed sertraline. I know antidepressants take a while to work but i feel no effect whatsoever. I scream in her face and i feel like hurting myself or worse, her, when she wont sleep (shes usually fantastic at sleeping so v stressful when she doesnt)
I have a history of self harm and im terrified that if im open about wanting to hurt myself/her that she'll be taken away from me and that would destroy me even though she deserves better... i dont knpw what to do

[TrollTheRespawnJeremy]

Speak to your GP love. They do take a few months to have any effect in my opinion but they could maybe give you something like valium to calm you down a bit.

Do you have any support at home? DP/DH/DM/DSIS?

[Wolfiefan]

See GP.
Be honest.
They will want to help you to be better for your sake and the sake of your DD.
If you don't feel safe tonight please seek immediate help. Even if that's just calling the Samaritans or asking a friend to be with you.

[Noodlesinthepocket]

Thank you both..
@RespawnJeremy I have family and friends close by, my partner is busy a lot of the time unfortunately and my family don't know about the PND. I didnt really know what to tell them :(

@wolfie i hope so. Im just so scared that she'll be taken away. Ive calmed down a bit now but very weepy. Friends are all far away with no means of transport this late

Ill ring my gp again tomorrow and explain x

[MoreBushThanMoss]

And noodles please try and remember that while PND makes you afraid you will hurt your baby, it is incredibly unusual that mums suffering with PND actually do. The fact that you're here worrying, shows how much you care about your DD- even if you're struggling a bit right now.

You're daughter won't be taken away for admitting you need a little help- but you may find that more support can be offered to you and your family- and recognising you need help and accepting it-- in my view, that is a mark of an excellent mother.

[northerngirl71]

Hi Noodles how are you feeling ? Did you manage to speak to your GP?

[Gingernut81]

Noodles, you're not the only one feeling like this. I could have written your post myself, the only difference being DD is 16mths. I feel like I can never truly open up about how I feel but went to the docs last week to get my meds upped as I've been feeling so low. Try not to be so hard on yourself, I hope you got on ok at the docs

[TrollTheRespawnJeremy]

Just blurt it out. They all love you and baby. They want both of you to be happy.

FYI: I was NOT happy with a baby either. It was better once we reached toddlerhood as it didn't feel so inane and repetitive and cut off from everything.

[Noodlesinthepocket]

Hi everybody, sorry for the late update.
I felt poop for most of yesterday as a run-on from the night before, hence why I didn't come on. Far more stable today. I've been so unsure of how to tell them because I'm not usually the type to open up (lots of stuff in my past so I'm used to bottling up etc..)
I've tried ringing the GP again but no answer as yet. My doctors surgery is useless. OH is off work today so if they don't answer I'll ask him to drive me down
Thank you so much for your support, everybody xxxxx

[TrollTheRespawnJeremy]

Did you manage to get over? I would imagine that he isn't blind to what you're going through.

You're being very strong and getting shit done. Impressive. Just keep at it.