I'm 23 and have had problems with my mental health since childhood really. I only started getting help for it when I was 17 which was obviously far too late. I have been doing really well though over the last year or so, really improved my depression and anxiety. My anxiety is still moderate but my depression basically mild or even gone other than occasional bad days/problems with self-esteem/fatigue. I halved the dosage of my anti-depressant over the summer and remained stable.
Since late November though my mood has been dipping. DH thinks it always takes a dip around that time of year when the weather changes. It resulted in me missing a presentation at uni as I was too anxious to go to it and then had more anxiety having to sort out applying for mitigating circumstances, we're having problems with our lettings agents too, and I've had to reapply for PIP and am awaiting an assessment by Capita, these are all stressful but I'm not sure really explain my gradual deteroiration in my mood. I've noticed that I've been feeling lower, more often, and for longer lengths of time, I've been crying a lot more, having suicidal thoughts more often and with increasing intensity so much so that a week or so ago I made a plan (which I'm now not planning to stick to, but remains in the back of my head)....
I'm a final year student and I've been slowly but surely doing really well on my degree and I really want to complete it and achieve the mark I'm capable of. But I am really worried that this relapse doesn't seem to be going away on its own and term is going to start again soon. I have to do that presentation that I missed in a few weeks, and I have an exam the day after it. Then classes and tutorials will begin again etc then finally exams later in May/June...I'm really worried this term is going to be written off and that I'll fail my degree, I know this is catastrophising but I am really feeling like I'm becoming more and more unwell since late November. I've worked so hard to get to where I am today and worked so hard on my recovery and it's heartbreaking to feel like it's all being taken away from me by this illness that is just forcing its way back into my life again on top of the problems I already have to deal with (my significant anxiety disorder and the problems i have being on the Autistic Spectrum). I just don't know what to do what, where to turn, how do I make it go away again?? How do I stop it ruining my life and taking me back to the really dark places I was in before? And even if it goes, how do I make sure it doesn't keep coming back again and ruining everything???
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Mental health
Depression Relapse
7 replies
MeadowHay · 04/01/2017 23:20
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