Feeling desperate how do I keep going?

[ktb123]

Changed meds this week, came off Trazodone and zopiclone to Mirtazapine.. 15mg I see everyone seems to have good experience on it.
It's supposed to be a sedative AD but I have had 3 nights without sleep. Feeling very low it's like it knocks me out and I'm hanging between sleep and consciousness but don't get any. I rang my Crisis team and they told me to read or listen to music.
That is not helping I need sleep (but not allowed to take zopiclone) and I'm crawling the walls, I'm loosing sense of reality and just telling my family I want to be hospitalised to get sorted. Surely if this AD was going to work it should have done so by now?? What can I do ....
Insomnia is making my life hell I've already decided it's likely my job has gone. I'm on sick leave and no hope of returning anytime soon. Anyone been through this I need encouragement

[AnxiousCarer]

Hi ktb, most ADs take around 2 weeks to kick in and 6-8 weeks to get full effect. They also affect different people differently, keep talking to crisis team and GP about hoew the meds are affecting you and how you are feeling. Mirtazapine does seem to make me sleep, but it may not work this way for everyone. My DH often struggles to get to sleep even though on a high dose of olanzapine which again is supposed to make you drowsy. Things he finds helpful are pukka night time tea and guided meditations aimed at helping you get to sleep. (We use headspace app, but sleep meditations are only available in the full version thst you pay for, I believe you can also find versions on utube). Insomnia is so horrible.

Is your job on a perminant contract? Mental illness is covered under the mental health act so your work can not just sack you because of it. They are required to make reasonable adjustments. I am also off sick, have been off 4 weeks now and had a chat with my manager last week where I was relieved when she told me not to rush back too soon.

Just take things I step at a time, break down your day with little goals like, get out of bed, if that feels ok then have a shower, if that feels ok get dressed. If you need to step back thats ok, just work on getting through each moment one at a time. Huge hugs to you.

[dangermouseisace]

OP it took a while for mirtazapine to get me to sleep- few weeks? I thought it was just because I was weird/was in hospital when they started. 15mg would not get me to sleep, it was gradually increased to 45mg, and for a while I was taking zopiclone and that, and sometimes still not sleeping! If I tried without the zopliclone I would just get like where I was in a boat, but still awake, which is a bit nauseating. Now, the 45mg seems to work well nearly all the time- like 99% but I do take another AD too. It has literally revolutionised my life- pre mirtazapine I would only briefly doze and so when I did things like drive a car I would find it difficult to keep my eyes open and was permanently exhausted. It's worth sticking with- you need to give it a while and I'm pretty sure I remember the psychiatrist saying that it needs to be 45mg to be a sleeping tablet…I think I went from 15mg to 45 literally overnight…

[ktb123]

Thanks for your replies.. Well I spoke to my CPN and she said go back on the zopiclone while I get accustomed to the Mirtazapine. I know what you mean about that feeling that you're in a boat is exactly how I would describe it! Didn't really want to rely on the zops again but I guess needs must for time being.. Cracking up is not a good state of mental health. Really giving the sleep hygiene a good chance as well. On my 3rd week off and supposed to go back soon. Really not sure if that's possible when I struggled to get up this morning. Did manage a lovely walk in the sunshine this afternoon so that was a positive!

[AnxiousCarer]

Who's saying you are supposed to go back soon? Work or your Dr/CPN?

[ktb123]

Work have rung for updates, I'm supposed to do reduced hours this week.. I'm not ready if at all to go back full time. Hanging on for meds to take effect and give me some rest. Only 6 days in on them. Not such a good day today.

[dangermouseisace]

hmm isn't it better to give them at least a fortnight before thinking about going back?

[ktb123]

Yes, I'm thinking it's too soon, not stabilised on them yet.. Will give it a couple more days thought deadline is mid week when I should return!

[AnxiousCarer]

Its your Dr who should be telling your employer when you are fit to go back and what you can do when you do, not your employer dictating it to you. Your employer will want to be kept up to date, but theres nothing stopping you asking for another sick note. My GP has been giving me 2 week sick notes for 6 weeks now and has told me shes not expecting me to be ready to work until the new year.

[ktb123]

Hi bit of an update.. Feeling better in daytime, on Mirtazapine. Well sleep has still been unpredictable, couple of nights ago managed a few hours. Same night before, but not deep sleep which is what I crave. Last night absolutely awful and ended up taking mirtazapine as normal, melatonin and a zopiclone at about 5am. Still bloody no sleep. Now thinking this can all be linked to hormones, as well as anxiety/depression. Came off my pill recently and my period started yesterday, was really heavy, literally couldn't leave the house. Even with ADs do you struggle more when it's the time of the month? I'm definitely perimenopausal at 45. Completely rethinking about work now how the hell do you cope with insomnia/heavy periods working full time?

[ktb123]

I'm still really struggling 😔 Another night of no sleep at all. Should I take zopiclone every night on top of Mirtazapine or just occasional nights? Am now on day 12. Is it my anxiety still stopping these from helping me sleep?
Please am I the only one that struggles with severe insomnia??
Ruined my day today just wanted to do nice stuff with daughter...
Everyone is organising Christmas and happy and jolly I've done nothing and feel like crap