Suicide attempt

[Gertrudebucket61]

A week after her 21st Birthday, my daughter attempted to take her own life by hanging in her bedroom. This was just under 2 weeks ago. My husband and elder daughter saved her life and she was sectioned into a secure unit. She is now home, has had one session at the local eating disorder clinic as she has bulimia, depression and anxiety. She feels that she is not ready for help, but will have the therapy out of fear of being sent back to the unit. My 14 year old grandson saw her being revived and is totally traumatised by the image, so much so that he refuses to speak to or see her.
My daughter has no real grasp of what is happening to her, admits to not feeling empathy for anyone at the moment and is very detached from it all. I have told her she is very poorly and the therapy will help her.
If anyone can identify with our situation or is a survivor of similar, I would really like to hear your story/advice etc

[Mishaps]

She surely has some follow-up in the form of a community psychiatric nurse - if not, then ask for it, nay demand it. You cannot be left to deal with this poor lass unsupported.

[Bluntness100]

I have no advice, but I wanted to say I'm sorry for what you're going through, and I hope everyone can heal and move forward,

[dangermouseisace]

sorry for what you are going through gertrude. I'm glad that your daughter was saved though.

I can relate to not feeling empathy/being detached. That's symptomatic of severe depression. She will get that back with time though (and perhaps be horrified by what she has done). Whilst she has that detachment though I'd still be concerned about further attempts. It's harder to stop yourself if you cannot comprehend how it could affect other people in a negative way, if you see what I mean. Even if it is explained to the person there it just doesn't 'click' when a person is in that state- it's like someone telling them father christmas is real etc.

2 weeks is not long to be home again after such a serious attempt. Is she getting support at home (I'd hope daily MH support). Is she on any medication?

I think the only thing you can say to her with regards not being ready for therapy is that really, she's reached the absolute nadir and she has nothing left to lose- therapy can only help. Bulimia is a horrible thing to have (I used to have it). It is incredibly isolating and certainly increases suicidal thoughts/intent as you feel so out of control and disgusted with yourself. She's making the right steps if she'll attend the eating disorder clinic- it is possible to get better but it is a case of two steps forward one back, and she might end up taking up some different coping strategies along the way…not all of these might be positive unfortunately (being realistic). If she can tackle the bulimia she'll hopefully start to feel a bit better…but to tackle an eating disorder you need to address the roots of it, and she cannot do that alone. She will need A LOT of support, there needs to be MH support in place that is more than once a week- e.g. someone she can phone in a crisis.

Your poor grandson is also in need of support. Sounds like he would need some counselling. That sort of thing would be awful to experience as an adult let alone a child…I'd be concerned about him getting post traumatic stress. Can you speak to the MH professionals involved with your daughter and find out what they would recommend you do with regard your grandson?

[AnxiousCarer]

Huge hugs to you, such a difficult time for you all. I think dangermouse has covered most of what I would say. The only thing to add would be to investigate family therapy. Your daughter may not be ready for this yet but maybe in the future. DHs MH team provide this and can refer on to more specialist family therapists for more complex cases. The idea is to treat you as a whole family unit, that are affected by what has happened and who impact on what happens next. If her MH team don't provide this it might be worth looking into if your GP can make a referal.

I would also look at if there are any local groups for carer support with relation to MH as it can be really useful to speak to others who have been through similar things.

[Gertrudebucket61]

Thank you for all your comments, especially dangermouseisace, you hit it spot on, she has had one bulimia assessment so far and the hospital crisis team have been to the house. Since coming home, I have taken time off work and she has been by my side a lot, then 3 days ago, she got in touch with some of her 'friends' who had mocked her being suicidal social networks - so for the last 3 days, she has again become secretive and distant. We are walking on eggshells and I am doing all I can to be calm around her, but the worry is unbelievable. She still says she is not ready to be helped.
I know she won't be fixed overnight, I just pray that with all of our love, she will be fixed eventually.

[AnxiousCarer]

its such a hard position to be in. If its any comfort at all, at your DDs age I was suicidal too. I am now a happy, well adjusted (IMO anyway) , person with a happy marriage and good career. There is hope.

[HazelnutCoffeeandMincePies]

for you. This must be a very hard time.

for your daughter too. I've been there (although attempted a different method and wasn't

[HazelnutCoffeeandMincePies]

*sorry posted too soon

And wasn't sectioned but I remember how strange life felt.

I have nothing really to add to the PPs but didn't want to read and run!

[Itisnoteasybeingdifferent]

Gertrude,
She needs a different set of friends.. She needs people who don't mock her for feeing low.. How you find them is a difficult matter.

Fingers crossed you can keep her safe.

[Pickled0nions]

Why does a 21 year old have friends who are mocking something they should clearly know to be extremely serious. How old are her friends? They sound lacking in life skills to be of similar age to your DD.

I'm so sorry that she feels like this, and that you're also dealing with the after affects. This is going to be a long road for everyone involved. You can only show her support, guidance and love, and hope that she pulls through it in one piece.
Have you tried talking to her about maybe starting a hobby? Or could you offer to go with her to something new? I think she really needs to get a plan of action in place, do something regular, I know this is crazy hard when depressed.. You don't want to do anything. But, it will really help her heal if she does actually get out, and does something she might enjoy.

Rock climbing, horse riding, gym, crafts, art.. Anything... Make it a regular hobby, try communicating it with her and see how she feels. :)

[MagicChanges]

So sorry - I have nothing to add really - YoungMinds website might be useful and BEAT website for the eating disorder. But yes your girl should be getting much more support but the NHS is on it's knees and that is particularly true of mental health. Keep a close eye on her and remember to look after yourself. As mothers when our children (no matter what age) are hurting then we hurt just as much, if not more.

[Gertrudebucket61]

All of your replies are helpful, thank you. Her set of friends are around her age 20-23 and some are in bands locally, so their lifestyle is very much partying, drinking etc - I get that part of it, we all had fun when we were young! But this is a group of people that she sees no harm in and says her oldest true friends are boring. She had started a college course in Art/Textiles/ photography in October and she was working as a carer, so she was very busy - all of that is now on hold. She goes from angry (only with us close family), to sobbing through fear. It is heartbreaking to watch.